ATTN HUNTERS AND FISHERMEN; EXACTLY HOW FISH & GAME WORKS

 Original author unknown, but this is truly epic.

 

A State Department of Fish and Wildlife sends a letter to a home/landowner asking for permission to access a creek on his property to document the decline in a certain species of unheard of frogs.

 The property owners' response in the second letter is EPIC.

Letter from Dept. Of Fish & Wildlife:

Dear Landowner:

 

WDFWR Staff will be conducting surveys for foothill yellow-legged frogs & other amphibians over the next few months. As part of this research we would like to survey the creek on your property. I am writing this letter to request your permission to access your property.

 

Recent research indicates that foothill yellow-legged frogs have declined significantly in recent years and are no longer found at half their historic sites. Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated and will help contribute to the conservation of this important species.

 

Please fill out the attached postage-paid postcard and let us know if you are willing to let us cross your property or not.

 

If you have any concerns about this project please give us a call. We would love to talk with you about our research.

 

Sincerely

Steve Nemel

Conservation Strategy Implementation Biologist

 

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RESPONSE FROM LANDOWNERS:

 

Dear Mr. Nemel:

 

Thank you for your inquiry regarding accessing our property to survey for the yellow-legged frog. We may be able to help you out with this matter.

 

We have divided our 2.26 acres into 75 equal survey units with a draw tag for each unit. Application fees are only $8.00 per unit after you purchase the "Frog Survey License" ($120.00 resident / $180.00 Non-Resident). You will also need to obtain a "Frog Habitat" parking permit ($10.00 per vehicle).

 

You will also need an "Invasive Species" stamp ($15.00 for the first vehicle and $5.00 for each add'l vehicle) You will also want to register at the Check Station to have your vehicle inspected for Non-native plant life prior to entering our property. There is also a Day Use fee, $5.00 per vehicle.

 

If you are successful in the Draw you will be notified two weeks in advance so you can make necessary plans and purchase your "Creek Habitat" stamp. ($18.00 Resident / $140.00 Non-Resident).

 

Survey units open between 8 am. And 3 PM. But you cannot commence survey until 9 am. And must cease all survey activity by 1 PM.

 

Survey Gear can only include a net with a 2" diameter made of 100% organic cotton netting with no longer than an 18 in handle, non-weighted and no deeper than 6' from net frame to bottom of net. Handles can only be made of BPA-free plastics or wooden handles.

 

After 1 PM. You can use a net with a 3" diameter if you purchase the "Frog Net Endorsement" ($75.00 Resident / $250 Non-Resident).

 

Any frogs captured that are released will need to be released with an approved release device back into the environment unharmed.

 

As of June 1, we are offering draw tags for our "Premium Survey" units and application is again only $8.00 per application.

 

However, all fees can be waived if you can verify "Native Indian Tribal rights and status".

 

You will also need to provide evidence of successful completion of "Frog Surveys" and your "Comprehensive Course on Frog Identification, Safe Handling Practices, and Self-Defense Strategies for Frog Attacks."

 

This course is offered on-line through an accredited program for a nominal fee of $750.00.

 

Please let us know if we can be of assistance to you. Otherwise, we decline your access to our property but appreciate your inquiry.

 

“Let’s Go Brandon!”

 

Sincerely,

 

The American Citizens!

 

FOR REAL BACK COUNTRY USE, THE KAWASAKI TERYX SUX

I had the great misfortune to buy a brand-new 2023 Kawasaki Teryx 5 two-seater with the 800 V-2. It was one of those deals where I talked my ex-wife into getting a UTV on the condition that she would get to do the research and choose the model. Instead of a four-seater, she also chose the cargo dump box. If you plan to use it as a dump truck, it holds slightly less than the standard wheel barrow. To paraphrase my dear old Dad, “I’d rather have the clap than a Kawasaki Teryx; at least you can get rid of the clap.”

I’ve got less than 250 miles on mine on Montana Forest Service roads, the vast majority of those miles on “good” roads, and I don’t trust the damn thing further than I can throw it. The second time I trailered it, the left cargo compartment side panel, held on with only a little butterfly clasp, went flying off as we were driving down the road. Fortunately, I’m an old truck driver who watches his mirrors, saw it fly off, and was able to recover it.

Even in normal operation on gravel roads you could drive with a passenger car it is hot and noisy and stinky. So noisy, in fact, that even I, an old tanker with considerable hearing damage already, find it uncomfortable to drive without wearing protective ear muffs. My dog can’t even comfortably ride along whining in pain from the sheer volume of the thing. The heat of the engine, essentially under the front of the cab, puts out one hell of a lot of heat, most of it right into the cab along with the noise. On the two occasions I actually took it on rough, back-country roads I was not impressed. Even thought I took it slow and easy and carefully negotiated obstacles, I managed to hit the undercarriage repeatedly and bottom out the suspension. Granted, the road in question was the USFS Boulder River Road into the heart of the Absaroka-Beartooth Wilderness, which hasn’t seen maintenance in thirty years or so and is, in many places, a talus or scree slope, but supposedly these pieces of shit are built for “extreme” back-country roads. Hell, I used to take my 2000 F-150 pickup truck up that road, in granny low 4x4 admittedly, but it handled it better than the Teryx ever did.  

I don’t use the thing very often, mainly during hunting season, and my main bitch is that you have to use the damn thing CONSTANTLY, as in essentially every day, to avoid electrical problems. If you take an overly long lunch, the battery dies on you. I go out on back-country wilderness hunts for a week or even ten days at a time, and coming back to the Teryx after that long becomes one hell of a gamble.

From the owner’s manual: “If your vehicle is only used occasionally or for short periods of time, the battery is more likely to discharge.”

“Due to their internal composition, batteries continually self-discharge. The discharge rate depends on the type of battery and ambient temperature. As temperatures rise, so does the discharge rate.”

“Electrical accessories, such as digital clocks and computer memory, also draw current from the battery even when the key is switched off. Combine such ‘key-off’ draws with hot temperature, and a battery can go from fully charged to completely discharged in a matter of days.”

“In extremely cold weather the fluid in an inadequately charged battery can easily freeze, which can crack the case and buckle the plates.”

“It is the owner’s responsibility to keep the battery fully charged. Failure to do so can lead to battery failure and leave you stranded.”

Thank God I bought a rechargeable emergency charger, because it did just that. And, of course, with the automatic tranny, you can’t push or roll start it either when it dies on you

“If you will not be using your vehicle for longer than two weeks, the battery should be charged.” “…inspect the battery weekly using a voltmeter. If it drops below 12.6 volts, the battery should be charged using an appropriate charger.”

“Appropriate” means that you have to buy a special charger; you can’t use a standard automotive battery charger. Not that you can use either 40 miles from the nearest electrical outlet.

If all that isn’t a big enough pain in the ass, to charge the battery you must “Remove the battery from the vehicle.”

Herein lies even more the rub. Removing the battery from the vehicle is an engineer’s wet dream and a mechanic’s nightmare. To make it even do-able requires you to remove the front left wheel. Even then, the fiddly little tiny bolts, nuts, and sleeves holding the battery in place require three hands and six thumbs, two and four of which, respectively, must be hands and thumbs the size of a six-year-old’s.

I guess the Teryx would be okay if you just want a little toy to fart around the back 40 every single day. If you want a rugged off-road vehicle to get you back into the wilderness for extended big game hunts, forget it.

I was better off when I had pack goats for back-country hunting than I was with a Teryx.   

 

Hunter Biden's Cocaine Blues

I'm not even surprised anymore that I get more facts on the case from a parody song than from all the major media services combined.

 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnJioj7IdlU