Federal Language Pigs

U.S. officials are trying to quell the use of the name “swine flu” in reference to the illness, because it is hurting American pork producers. At a press conference Tuesday, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano and Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack asked the media and others to start identifying the illness as "H1N1 flu."

"This really isn’t swine [flu], it’s H1N1 virus," said Vilsack (file photo at right). “And it is significant because there are a lot of hard-working families whose livelihood depends on us conveying this message.”

Clad in a complimentary ConAgra cap, Service Employees International Union (SEIU) tee-shirt and Archer Daniels Midland jacket at the conference, Vilsack also requested that “chickenpox” now be referred to as “non-union scabs,” and that the “corns” on someone’s feet be referred to as “imported-food bumps.”

In a related story, after a 14-billion dollar unrequested federal “bailout” of Warner Brothers Entertainment, Porky Pig will now be called “Lean, Nutritious Pig.”