Gun Nut Roundup April 2011

You may have noticed that we did not have our monthly Gun Nut Roundup feature in March.  In order to keep our regular readers (and you two know who you are) from getting the shakes, this month's edition is therefore a double dose.

Wyoming Enacts Constitutional Carry

On March 3rd Wyoming became the fourth state to allow citizens to carry firearms openly or concealed without requiring a permission slip from government bureaucrats.  Vermont, Alaska, and recently Arizona beat the "Equality State" to the punch, and similar bills are being considered in Colorado, Minnesota, Montana, New Hampshire, South Carolina, and Utah.

ATF Reform Bill Introduced

The NRA-ILA reports that Reps. Steve King (R-Iowa) and Jason Altmire (D-Pa.) have introduced H.R. 1093, the "Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives Reform Act."

Among other things the act would: 1)Require BATFE to establish clear investigative guidelines. 2)Clarify the standard for "willful" violations -- allowing penalties for intentional, purposeful violations of the law, but not for simple paperwork mistakes.  3)Improve the process for imposing penalties, notably by allowing FFLs to appeal BATFE penalties to a neutral administrative law judge, rather than to an employee of BATFE itself.  4)Eliminate a provision of the Youth Handgun Safety Act that requires those under 18 to have written permission to use a handgun for lawful purposes (such as competitive shooting or safety training) -- even when the parent or guardian is present. 5)Permanently ban creation of a centralized electronic index of out of business dealers' records.  6)Prohibit BATFE from requiring multiple sales reports on the sale of long guns by limiting BATFE's authority to collect data that is not specifically allowed by statute.

Obama Gets In the Ring

Since President Obama sat eight years on the board of the Joyce Foundation, one of the nation's leading anti-gun organizations, and since being elected president has surrounded himself with a collection of some of the most anti-Second Amendment stooges ever assembled, everyone with two or more braincells already knows he's anti-gun.  However, since the majority of Americans hate gun control, Obama has had to leave it on the back burner as a matter of political survival.  But after the Tucson shootings Obama couldn't resist writing an op-ed piece about gun control to rally his gun-banning pinko base.

Obama's piece appeared in the Arizona Daily Star under the benign-sounding title "We must seek agreement on gun reforms."  Of course Obama says "I believe that the Second Amendment guarantees an individual right to bear arms."  NRA honchos Wayne LaPierre and Chris W. Cox pointed out in their response letter: "Your record as a public official, however, is anything but supportive of the rights of law-abiding gun owners. In fact, when Congress had an opportunity to voice its support for the basic right of lawful Americans to own firearms, you refused to join a bipartisan majority of more than 300 of your colleagues in signing the congressional amicus brief to the Supreme Court in District of Columbia v. Heller. In addition, you previously stated (and have never retracted) your support for both Washington, D.C.'s and Chicago's handgun and self-defense bans that the Court rightfully struck down in Heller and McDonald v. Chicago. [...] More recently, you selected Andrew Traver to head the BATFE, despite his long-standing association with groups that support onerous new restrictions on our rights."

In other words, "Bullpucky, Mr. President."  Once he doesn't have to worry about reelection, Obama will make gun owners' lives hell.  That's who he is.

AZ Gov. Vetoes Guns On Campus

Although Arizona Governor Jan Brewer signed the state's Constitutional Carry law into effect last year, she vetoed a law which would have allowed people to carry their guns when walking or driving through public universities and community colleges in the state.  (Guns would have still been prohibited inside campus buildings.)  "The bill was just poorly, sloppily written" Brewer told Fox News. "The legislation should have been crystal clear."

According to Students for Concealed Carry on Campus, Utah is currently the only state that prohibits its public colleges and universities from placing restrictions on otherwise lawful carry.  15 states leave it entirely up to the colleges themselves, with only a slim handful of colleges opting to allow campus carry.  All the rest of the states generally ban carrying on campus. Psychotic murderers are expected to honor these prohibitions when planning their mass-killings or face the wrath of their college's student disciplinary committee.

ATF Gets Subpoenaed

A U.S. House committee has slapped Acting ATF Director Kenneth Melson with a subpoena as part of its ongoing investigation into the agency's ill-fated "Project Gunrunner."  During Project Gunrunner the ATF  knowingly allowed thousands of guns to be illegally purchased in this country and smuggled into Mexico, in the hope that the weapons could then be "traced" when they were found at crime scenes.  Brilliant plan! Two of the ATF's guns showed up at the murder of Customs and Border Protection agent Brian Terry last December.  Then in February, another Project Gunrunner weapon was used to gun down I.C.E agent Jaime Zapata.

When Acting ATF Director Melson ignored a request to provide the House committee with certain documents, California Congressman Darrell Issa, chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, issued the subpoena.  Senator Chuck Grassley has complained of "stonewalling" by the ATF on his own investigation into Project Gunrunner.  Since ATF is ultimately run by a certain president whose leg they enjoy humping, the mainstream media have largely ignored the scandal.

Ruger Introduces New Scout Rifle

The scout rifle concept was promoted by the late Colonel Jeff Cooper.  He defined their characteristics as weighing less than 3 kg (6.6 lbs in human terms), having an overall length of less than 1 meter (39.4 in), being chambered in 7.62 X 51 mm (.308) or 7mm-08 and having a forward-mounted low magnification telescopic sight.  The new Ruger Gunsite Scout Rifle seems to mostly fit that bill. 

I don't have anything pithy to say about it, I just thought it was neat.  I might have to get me one, if my kids agree to stop eating and growing into new clothes for a while.  Or if some Ruger execs wanted to send me and Bawb each one of these to test and keep, I bet we'd write up some really rave reviews of the product (wink, wink).

REALLY LATE MOVIE REVIEW: HAPPY FEET

So this movie revue is rather tardy, considering the release date of the movie, but I only saw it fairly recently. Besides, you should consider yourself lucky since I am generally about a century behind our insane modern world.

My wife and I really enjoy animated movies, especially the Pixar stuff, as they’re usually much better and more original than the “Remake of a 1970’s TV Show”, “Based on the Graphic Novel” and “Based on a Video Game” fare that the so-called adult movies consist of these days. For instance, I find Flushed Away absolutely hilarious and fabulous and have watched it numerous times. It never gets old. I mean, hey, singing slugs and frogs surrendering. What’s not to like?

Anyhooo…my wife really loves penguins. I don’t know why, since I am shaped more like Baloo the Bear. Whatever, we have very much enjoyed other penguin movies such as March of the Penguins and The Blues Brothers.

Finally getting around to the point, as any movie goes, penguin or otherwise, I would not pay a dime to see Happy Feet again. In fact, putting a gun to my head would probably not be enough to make me watch it again. Besides, I have more and bigger guns.

This movie tells the story of Mumbles, a penguin who can’t sing. Terrible thing, I know. Poor cute fuzzy little guy, he can’t make beautiful music like all the other penguins, so he is ridiculed and ostracized and eventually leaves the group, not unlike a Conservative or Libertarian on the campus of the University of Iowa. While Mumbles can’t sing bad renditions of Prince songs like all the rest of the penguins, the music does make him dance. Kind of. In the flick he only shuffles and flaps his feet semi-rhythmically, rather like Steve Martin trying to clap along with his family in The Jerk. Mumbles sets out to prove himself worthy by investigating why all the fish the penguins need so badly are disappearing.

The penguins are all traumatized by the strange disappearance of all the fish. Robin Williams, along with voicing half the other characters in the movie and apparently amusing himself very much with his new mastery of the fake Scottish accent, gets in on some good old fashioned Christian bashing as the Emperor Penguin King, or President, or spiritual leader, or whatever the hell he’s supposed to be. Honcho Penguin wants all the other penguins to do nothing but pray to their god for help while they all starve to death because of their blind faith in a non-existent deity and refusal to change with the times.

I remember that only because it pissed me off; the character was not otherwise all that memorable. But then neither were any of the other characters, even the main ones. As I saw it, penguin society revolved mainly around singing suggestive songs to each other and being as horny and rutty as two-peckered billy goats. There’s even a penguin Elvis impersonator in there somewhere who couldn’t get a job in the cheapest joint on the Vegas Strip.

Anyway, Mumbles ventures all over Antarctica and makes friends with some apparently Mexican penguins who are fun-loving and lazy with no visible means of support. He eventually finds out that the evil, dark metallic aliens stealing all the penguins’ vitally needed food are some of us bad, nasty humans fishing. Poor ol’ Mumbles tries unsuccessfully to communicate with the dark metal monsters to stop taking the fish and winds up in a zoo somewhere. There he dances, again in that disjointed Jerk manner, which entertains the slack-jawed mouth-breathing human zoo visitors who are too stupid to realize he’s trying to communicate with them. Somehow (I had started doing something on the laptop part way through the movie and wasn’t following it all that closely by then) he gets back to Antarctica. Somewhere in there he and his girlfriend get chased by nasty Orcas and a seal. It’s hard to remember what with the disjointed, wandering, clichéd plot being so predictable in its ending that you "get it" by about 09:40 into the movie and stop paying attention.

Finally some good humans (environmental politically correct “scientist” types) come to study the penguins and Mumbles gets the whole penguin colony to dance in time in a rather anti-climactic finale of sorts, which finally gets through to us stupid humans that the intelligent flightless birds are trying to communicate with us. Yeah!

Jump instantly from cute cartoon penguins to official-looking photo realistic animation of the omnipotent United Nations HQ, where the humans are all serious, intelligent, and gravely concerned. So they come up with some more rules and regulations. The penguins are saved thanks to the UN! Yeah again!

The heavy-handed “PC, love Mother Earth, eco-wacko, animal-good human-bad” propaganda message of the movie is delivered about as subtly as if Joseph Goebbels had put out an animated version of The Eternal Jew. My wife usually doesn’t read all the political crap into movies that I do, but even she was aghast by the less-than-subliminal proselytizing of this Stink-O-Rama. Who knows. Maybe Al Gore was involved in the writing of this awful Inconvenient Script. It would certainly appear so.

So, Happy Feet is just another movie to put on your long list of “Don’t Flippin’ Bother” Hollyweird PC offerings. If you want to see a really good penguin cartoon, check out the Penguins of Madagascar series. Here, the loveable militaristic Skipper wants to use a time machine just so he can go slap some hippies and delivers the enduring message, “There’s no such thing as too much paranoia, Private.” I also rather like the somewhat unhinged Rico who thinks all problems can be solved with explosives or chainsaws, which he can regurgitate at will. Now that’s penguin entertainment.

STAKEHOLDERS, SNAKEHOLDERS AND LACKIES, OH MY

Comprehensive Immigration Reform: "Soooo-eee! Sooooo-eeee! Come 'n' get it!"

Remember when we used to bitch about George W. Bush being soft on illegal immigration? Well, his porous border policy is starting to look like the Berlin Wall compared to the current bunch of douche bags now in power.

For instance, the Illegal-Alien-in-Chief recently held a meeting at the White House on Tuesday to discuss the, "importance of fixing our nation's broken immigration system for our 21st-century economic and national security needs." It was a meeting of “stakeholders” in the immigration issue.

So, just what kind of great minds and experts were invited to impart their wisdom upon this issue? According to TOTUS, speaking through the POTUS, the meetings consisted of a "broad group of business, law enforcement, faith and former and current elected leaders from across the political spectrum."

Which, included such luminaries as the eloquent Reverend Al "White folks was in caves while we was building empires” Sharpton, top AFL/CIO Union Thug Richard Trumpka, former governor and Quisling Republican Ahnold Schwarzenegger, the mayors of New York, LA and Philly, the CEO of Facebook, John Podesta of CAP (Crackpot Amnesty Pushers), a couple of J.P. Morgan big shots, the Bishop of Salt Lake City, and illegal alien White House gardener Jesus Pancho Gonzales.

What kind of “non-stakeholders” were not on the guest list? You can bet your ass Arizona Sheriffs Joe Arpaio and Paul Babeu weren’t. No Arizona sheriffs at all were. And it’s easy to see why.

“An Arizona sheriff says he has been flooded with calls and emails of support from local and federal agents who back his claims that the U.S. Border Patrol has effectively ordered them to stop apprehending illegal immigrants crossing the U.S.-Mexican border. ’Upper management has advised supervisors to have agents ‘turn back South’ (TBS) the illegal aliens (aka bodies) they detect attempting to unlawfully enter the country … at times you even hear supervisors order the agents over the radio to 'TBS' the aliens instead of catching them,’ one San Diego border agent wrote in an email to Cochise County Sheriff Larry Dever. ’This only causes more problems as the aliens, as you know, don't just go back to Mexico and give up. They keep trying, sometimes without 10 minutes in-between attempts, to cross illegally,’ continued the email, which was among a number of communications to Dever reviewed by FoxNews.com. ‘This makes the job for agents more dangerous. Not only are the aliens more defiant, they also begin to feel like they can get away with breaking our federal laws.’”

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer wasn’t invited as a stakeholder either, even though she recently vetoed a bill which would have required candidates running for political office in the state to prove their U.S. citizenship, something you’d think would be quite near and dear to POTUS. In fact, it turned out that NO governor from ANY border state was invited as “stakeholder”. Neither were any of their Representatives or Senators. The only Arizonan present was leftist toady Tucson Police Chief Roberto “It’s Rush’s Fault” Villaseñor.

So, basically, it was just a bunch of flunkies and kiss-asses telling Dear Leader whatever he wanted to hear so he can dredge up ye olde DREAM Act again. "Immigration Reform" is just a liberal code word for "Amnesty".

Il Du(n)ce defended illegals and the need for immigration reform, saying, “They're just here to vote for the people Americans can’t or won’t vote for themselves.”

"The Government Can" by Tim Hawkins

I know I've posted this before but I still love it!  So, in honor of Tax Day, here is comedian Tim Hawkins singing his brilliant song "The Government Can."  Be sure to check out Tim's website for his other songs and stand up comedy.

FEEDING THE CROCODILE

"An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last."

Winston Churchill

KABUL, Afghanistan — “Demonstrators incensed at the burning of a Koran by a Florida pastor opened fire on a United Nations office Friday in northern Afghanistan, killing 12 people, including three foreign UN workers and five Nepalese UN guards, officials said. Two of the foreign dead reportedly were beheaded, Reuters reported.”

Pakistan (you know, the country that "Campaign Obama" said we should invade after we got more Arabic translators, but you didn’t hear about that because the media was too busy attributing Tina Fey quotes to Sarah Palin) had its United Nations ambassador alertly respond to the Afghan attacks, as well as violence in his own country, (the killing of two Christians and burning of dozens of Bibles in an attack by Muslims on a Christian church) by blaming the crimes on the pastors of the Baptist Church in Gainesville. He expressed, “…grave concern that the despicable act had severely hurt the feelings of 1.5 billion Muslims around the world.”

That’s right boys and girls. If you “hurt their feelings”, Muslims are perfectly justified in killing you, kind of like a giant "Get Out of Jail Free" card, and it’s all your fault. That’s almost enough to make me convert. I could probably come up with a looonnnggg list of people who “hurt my feelings”.

The Paki ambassador also said that the international community needed to "create the necessary conditions for ending such acts of bigotry and hatred." He noted that the United Nations' Organization of the Islamic Conference had raised the Koran burning incident in Washington, D.C., and encouraged the United States Government to keep a close eye on such incidents “towards ensuring the exercise of restraint.” Killings and terrorism apparently don't need "exercising of restraint", however. He also ominously added that the UN delegation has not yet proposed court action against the church or its pastors, but that could change.

Members of Congress have also implied they might “do something" to protect their phony-baloney jobs by further trying to appeasing the Muslim world. Our old pal Dingy Harry Reid promised to “look into” what could be done about Koran burning. Republican Senator Lindsey Grahamnesty had this to blither: “I wish we could find a way to hold people accountable. Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war." (Didn’t you get the memo, Lindsey? This is not war; that was a Bush thing. We are now engaged in kinetic military activity.) And all of them apparently missed that opening phrase of the First Amendment that says, “Congress shall make no law…”

Court action for burning a Koran? You betcha. And why not? What’s American law and that pesky ol’ Constitution anyway. Not much, according to Federal Circus Court Judge (I just can’t bring myself to call them “justices”) Richard “the Dick” Nielsen. The judge recently ruled on a civil court case concerned with the bickering between two Muslim groups over the use of funds at a Florida mosque, saying, “This case will proceed under Ecclesiastical Islamic law pursuant to the Qur’an.”

Another case proceeding under Ecclesiastical Islamic law pursuant to the Qur’an.

Oh boy. What can we look forward to when sharia law takes precedence over our own laws of the land? You need look no further than Bangladesh. There (where sharia law is “outlawed”, BTW), a 14-year-old Muslim girl named Hena was lashed to death. Her crime? Being raped by her 40-year-old cousin. The local imam pronounced the girl guilty of “adultery” and sentenced her to 101 public lashes. She lasted for approximately 70 before falling unconscious. Hena later died in the hospital, where the initial autopsy report ruled her death a “suicide”.

Women's Rights organizations in the U.S. once more responded instantly and forcefully to this atrocity with…THUNDEROUS SILENCE.

Meanwhile, back on the appeasement front, American servicewomen in Afghanistan are being “encouraged” to wear Muslim headscarves. Pentagon weenies stress that it is not an order, just “encouragement”. Those who have been in the service know how that works via the age-old military axiom: “We can’t make you do it, but we can sure make you wish you had.” For all the hollow talk about not “putting our troops at risk”, not wearing a Kevlar helmet apparently does not fall into that category. A Taliban spokesman said, “Even this appeasement effort will still hurt our feelings, but we won’t complain as it will make head-shots much easier for us.”

"We must not put the troops in danger!" Note: this type of headgear will not stop a 7.62x39mm round.

On the media front, in Palestine peace-loving Hamas "security forces" recently forcibly ejected from the area, jailed, beat with clubs, electrocuted and even stabbed female journalists who were trying to cover a sit-in unity protest in the Gaza Strip. One reporter was quoted as saying, “They used electrical shocks against us. They beat me so strongly that I lost consciousness and fell to the ground. I woke up only 15 minutes later.” Hamas thugs also raided the offices of Reuters, CNN and a Japanese television network, confiscating documents and equipment such as cameras, laptops, etc.

Alert U.S. media hacks immediately responded to these outrages against their own with…THUNDEROUS SILENCE.

The kind of thunderous silence you heard from them when recently in Yemen al Qaeda stole everything not nailed down at an ammunition plant, and then booby-trapped the place, blowing up 75 local civilians.

The kind of thunderous silence we heard about when, the same week as the riots in Afghanistan, Islamic terrorists in Iraq, reeling from hurt feelings, invaded an office building, killing 56 and wounding 98. Once more, the killing of a female Reuters/CNN reporter was hardly worthy of note to her media comrades. (I can’t help but think that if Dubya was still president, the media would have been dancing in the blood in the streets and shouting it to the heavens.)

The kind of thunderous silence that was reported when, in Africa’s Ivory Coast, the on-the-ground Roman Catholic charity Cartitas reported, “…more than 1000 people were massacred in Duekoue. A Caritas spokesman said Caritas workers visited the town and reported seeing a neighbourhood filled with bodies of people who had been shot and hacked to death with machetes.” Not worth reporting as most of the victims were Christian and most of the killers were Muslim. We don’t want any hurt feelings. The UN “peace-keeping” contingent in-country, BTW, hadn’t yet heard about the massacre, let alone stepped in.

Not to worry about your own safety though, fellow serfs. At the federal government level, Senate Majority Dickhead Richard Turban, er, I mean Durbin, will also be holding a meeting of his newly created Subcommittee on the Constitution, Civil Rights and Human Rights to address “a spike in anti-Muslim bigotry in the last year that demands closer attention.” Never mind the fact that FBI crime stats show that of “religiously motivated hate crimes” anti-Islamic incidents accounted for less than 10% while anti-Semitic crimes were over 70%. Pay no attention to that man behind the Koran.

So, rest easy my fellow Americans. Fed.gov and the liberal lemmings of the mass media are standing guard, 24/7, 364 days a year, to protect us from ourselves by feeding the crocodiles. Only these crocodiles have access to Kalashnikovs, high explosives and shoulder-fired surface-to-air missiles. Other than that, there's really not much difference. Neville Chamberlain would be so proud of us.

Spineless Hollyweird Wussies!

Although I don't often go see movies at the theater, there were two that I was excited to go see this year: "Atlas Shrugged: Part I" and "Red Dawn."  But thanks to the unprincipled actions of Sony/MGM's limp-dicked management I won't spend my hard-earned cash to see "Red Dawn."

Many of those who read this blog will no doubt remember the original 1984 film "Red Dawn," written and directed by John Milius and starring Patrick Swayze and a young, pre-batshit crazy Charlie Sheen.  In the film, the Soviets (that's the Russians, for you post Cold War youngsters) invade America and a group of red-blooded American high-school students form a guerrilla band to fight the commie occupiers in the Colorado Rockies.  It's a Cold War classic and one of my favorite movies.

So naturally I was excited to hear they were remaking the film, this time with the Chinese communists as the foreign invaders in present times.  Rather than fight the Red Menace (that's the commies, snotnose!) in Colorado, this time the young freedom fighters would fight them in Michigan which makes the name of the guerrilla unit make even more sense: "Wolverines."

After the film was shot, however, the studio fell into bankruptcy and the film sat on the shelf awaiting financing.  Recently, according to the LA Times:

[P]otential distributors are nervous about becoming associated with the finished film, concerned that doing so would harm their ability to do business with the rising Asian superpower, one of the fastest-growing and potentially most lucrative markets for American movies, not to mention other U.S. products.

As a result, the filmmakers now are digitally erasing Chinese flags and military symbols from "Red Dawn," substituting dialogue and altering the film to depict much of the invading force as being from North Korea, an isolated country where American media companies have no dollars at stake.

Connecting a few more dots, James Wesley, Rawles at SurvivalBlog.com points out:

Producer Tripp Vinson was quoted as saying: "We were initially very reluctant to make any changes, but after careful consideration we constructed a way to make a scarier, smarter and more dangerous 'Red Dawn' that we believe improves the movie". [...] Did MGM's "careful consideration" include the management reminding them that Sony now has a stake in the newly-reorganized MGM? And is it it just a coincidence that the Chinese government is now "co-investing" with Sony? I think not.

So the Hollyweird film industry, which regularly throws itself huge gala events to celebrate its own relevance and "artistic integrity," was willing to bend over and redo their "work of art" for the sake of a fistful of Chinese yuan.  Whores!  Yet if the film was about a pedophilic abortion doctor on a spiritual journey to paganism, and some Christian investor asked them to change one frame of film, the whole damned town would rally around the project and decry the "small-minded fascist's" attempt to stifle their free speech.

And about making North Korea the villains who invade America:  Come on!  True, the Norks have a "million man army," but I'm betting that most of them would drown swimming across the Pacific to get over here since they have no airlift or sealift capability to speak of.  The few that did make here alive would still only be armed with obsolete commie-shit equipment and could be easily picked off by American military personnel, National Guard units, local police, Boy Scout troops, fly fishermen, and gas station attendants.

The filmmakers tried to even the odds a bit by having America have recently gone through an economic collapse (definitely the most believable aspect of the film).  Even if America's economy totally collapsed, our barter economy of .22 rimfire ammo and backyard zucchinis would still dwarf the nonexistent economy of North Korea. 

China was a much more believable economic and military threat for the film, but the filmmakers pussed out and did the bidding of the nation that is this century's other "toughest kid on the block."  So Hollyweirdos: "Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you; May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen."

MORE GUN RUNNING IN MEXICO; OF COURSE IT'S AMERICA'S FAULT

On Saturday, April 2nd, the Mexican Army seized, as per The Brownsville Herald, a large cache of weapons from drug lords which: "...seized included 59 assault rifles, 21 handguns, seven Uzi submachine guns, one .762-caliber machine gun, 412 packs of hydrogel industrial explosive, 12 meters of detonation cord, one rocket launcher, one rocket, one grenade launcher, six rounds for 60 mm mortar, three launchable grenades, one RPG and several other grenades."


Yes, it was the original reporter, with the journalists' eye for detail, knowledge of the subject and passion for getting the facts straight, who called it a ".762-caliber machine gun", not me.


Meanwhile, back at WikiLeaks, U.S. officials were caught saying, "The most lethal weapons used by drug cartels in Mexico are smuggled from Central America, not from the United States, according to U.S. Embassy cables unveiled by WikiLeaks, reported La Jornada, a leading newspaper in Mexico City."


Shortly after the news broke, Secretary of Motherland Insecurity Janet "Reno" Napolitano was quick to hold a press conference in which she denied everything.


"We, in this Regime, are not about to let these silly so-called 'realities' and 'truths' get in the way of our policy. We completely made up the figure that 90% of the guns used by Mexican drug lords came from American sporting goods stores, and we stand by our fabrications. Besides, the Fourth Branch of Government, the mainstream press, endlessly repeated the statistic, so that it has now become fact."


"To substantiate our hollow claims, an uncover agent for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, Baseball Bats, Cutlery, Hammers, Sticks and Pointy Scissors took the completely un-retouched photo at the head of this column which proves the fact that we have been right all along."


"My associate here, Mr. Beria, will be glad to take any questions later, after the briefing, in a sound-proof cell in the sub-basement. Good day."