NEWS VS. REPORTING THE NEWS

I haven't been posting much lately gang and the main reason is that I've been so damned depressed wacthing our Representative Republic die before our very eyes. Thanks to a state-run media every bit as filthy, crooked, and decietful as anything cooked up by the Stalin or Hitler "Administrations", far too many Americans have no clue as to what's going on. Far too many wouldn't give a damn if they did. So, despite being down and disgusted, I will show for the benefit of those few who do give a damn exactly how our media actually reports the news.

First the actual news, then the headline.

750,000 new unemployed in December while 750,123 were predicted
RECOVERY! New Jobless Rate Less Than Expected!

Unemployment benefits run out for hundreds of thousands
RECOVERY! Fewer People Filing for Unemployment.

Pulp mill closes in Missoula, MT, 419 good jobs lost permanently in the community.
RECOVERY! Workers Find More Leisure Time!

Another 200,000 homes foreclosed on the past two weeks.
RECOVERY! Statistics Show Banks Have Been Lending Money to Home Owners!

Real unemployment rate actually double what government numbers say.
RECOVERY! New Numbers Prove It’s Not as Bad as We Thought!

Torro sells a single riding lawn mower to a small town in North Carolina.
RECOVERY! Stimulus Package Pays Off, Creates 50 New Jobs!

Obamas reduce Whitehouse Hanukkah guest list from 800 to 400; claiming 800 guests are “too expensive”.
RECOVERY! President Announces Sweeping New Plan for Him to Personally Save the Government Vast Amounts of Money to Reduce the Deficit!

More and more banks folding every week, quietly, across the country.
(Sound of wind in trees and crickets chirping) Even they can’t spin this one, so they don’t report it at all.

$10k marriage penalty tax uncovered in health care bill
RECOVERY! Healthcare to Cost Less than Expected!

EPA acts as a government of its own, ignoring laws, proceedures and, of course, the Constituion, closes dozens of mines, leaves thousands unemployed.
RECOVERY! Increased Incentive to Create Green Jobs.


IN OTHER NEWS

Dems make endless changes to the huge monstrosity of a healthcare bill, in secret, behind closed doors, then try to ram it down the public’s throat without revealing what’s in it.
Harming the Poor! Dragging Their Feet! Evil Repubs Delay Badly Needed Reforms by Asking "What’s in Bill!"

Grassroots Tea Party protests spread rapidly from one Townhall Meeting after another all across the nation.
Man Bites Dog!

Two million Tea Party protestors gather in Washington D.C..
Shocking! Celebrity Caught in Sex Scandal!

From America to New Zealand, the global warming hoax unravels as everyone comes out to report the fake numbers, bogus studies, and outright lies needed to support the theory.
Al Gore on Global Warming; "The science is sound!"

Even more hoaxes revealed.
Global Warming a Deadly Threat to All Life on Earth! AAAAIIIEEE!!!

Muslims blow up airplane, kill 234 people.
Religion of Peace Expresses Dissatisfaction With United States Overseas Policy Dating From the Bush Era!

NCIS: NARCISSISTIC CALLOUS IMPERIOUS SNOBS

EPISODE 29:

OPENING SCENE: Sweet, innocent young child-like MUSLIM MARINE plays with fluffy bunnies and bluebirds in the park. Shadow falls over him. He turns. Screams. Fade to black.

SCENE: NCIS HEADQUARTERS: Enter handsome Black Muslim officer immaculately turned out in Dress Blues with a chestful of fruit salad, waving Old Glory.

MUSLIM OFFICER: Since we recently had a whacked-out Muslim Army officer go on a terrorist shooting spree at Fort Hood, we must educate the washed masses that Muslims are happy-go-lucky patriotic good guys and Christians are all evil bigots. Luckily, we just happened to have a crime committed against Islam. Agent GIBBS, we must investigate a heinous terrorist act at Quantico; someone gave a MUSLIM MARINE a wedgie.

GIBBS: I'll put my team on it. We'll find out who gave the wedgie. We don't stand for that.

ZIVA: We all know that Islam is the Religion of Peace.

McGEE: You're not a real Israeli, are you?

MUSLIM OFFICER: I'll leave you to it. Time for me to get out my prayer rug, face Mecca, and pray to Allah for the downfall of America the Great Satan.

DIRECTOR: Just so long as you don't mention Jesus in a public building.

ABBY: By analyzing the victim's torn-off underwear label, I have a lead. Lance Corporal REDNECK MARINE.

TONY: Ah, it says here he's the son of a preacher man. Hmmm, looks like we'll have to go to some pathetic rube-filled town in Fly-Over Country with a population of less than 100,000.

GIBBS: I probably can't even get a good gourmet coffee there.

ZIVA: EEEEEeeewww. Or decent organically-grown arugula.

McGEE & TONY: Start doing verbal Dueling Banjos shtick and shouting, "Squeeaaal like a pig, boy."

SCENE: SMALL TOWN BAR: Deer heads and old guns hang on every wall. Smoke to the ceiling. Sawdust on the floor. Dueling banjos plays on the ancient Wurlitzer jukebox. Confederate and Nazis flags hang over bar. Sullen-looking slack-jawed tobacco-chewing men lacking several key teeth and wearing bib overalls with only one strap glare at TONY and ZIVA as they enter.

TONY, SMIRKING: Welcome to Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Looks like these guys didn't get the word about evolution. Must believe in intelligent design. Put the whole clientele together and you might have one complete set of teeth, ha-ha.

ZIVA: I'll bet they hate Jews, too. Look. There's REDNECK MARINE.

TONY: NCIS. We need to ask you some questions. Like...You wanna squeal like a pig, boy? You wanna go over to Mr. Drysdale's place to see the cement pond? You know where I can get a bucket of 'possum grits? Did you marry your first cousin or only your second?

REDNECK MARINE tries to punch TONY in the nose. TONY and ZIVA kick the living crap out of about 20 rednecks, destroy the bar, and haul REDNECK MARINE away in cuffs.

SCENE: NCIS INTERROGATION ROOM:

GIBBS: I'm going to give you just one chance to fess up, Marine. Confess to giving MUSLIM MARINE a wedgie or I'll have you up on charges of being a white male Christian heterosexual who believes in the Constitution.

REDNECK MARINE: That ain't in the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice).

GIBBS: So what? We're Federal agents. We violate any rule or law we please, especially the Constitution, every episode. As long as we get the "bad guy" in the end, even with the most egregious of violations, it's OK. Now tell us, what do you have against Muslims serving in the Corps?

REDNECK MARINE: Gee, let's see. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 kidnapped and massacred Israeli competitors at the Munich Olympics, took over the U.S. embassy in Iran and three Marines died in the rescue attempt, they killed 220 Marines by blowing up their barracks in Beruit, hijacked a cruise ship and killed a 70-year-old Jewish man in a wheelchair, hijacked TWA Flight 847 and killed a Navy diver, bombed Pan Am Flight 103 killing hundreds, attempted to blow up the World Trade Center the first time, bombed U.S. embassies in Africa, killing 223 people including U.S. Marine guards, attacked the anchored USS Cole and killed 17 U.S. Navy sailors, crashed airliners into the Twin Towers and killed thousands, kidnapped and beheaded a journalist, killed nearly a thousand Marines in Iraq and Afghanistan, bombed...

MUSLIM OFFICER storms into the room: We have him now! Political Incorrectness and blaspheming the Prophet! I'm issuing a fatwah against you! Your severed head will dangle from the post flag pole by sunset!

McGEE: Whew. I'm glad we stopped REDNECK MARINE'S ignorant rural Christian-based intolerance and bigotry.

MUSLIM OFFICER: Shut-up, Yankee pig-dog. The Irish will be next; Orange and Green. (Checks watch) Whoops, time to go hit the ol' prayer rug, infidels.

DIRECTOR: It is good that we are allowed to freely practice our religions here in the United States of America!

FADE TO CREDITS

ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned! Coming up next the buff hunks of NCIS Los Angeles infiltrate and destroy an evil syndicate of bearded gun-totin' male WASP militia fanatics who have formed a bogus border patrol organization for the sinister purpose of giving wedgies to undocumented workers crossing the border.

And at ten o'clock, Katie Couric will bring us an in-depth investigation concerning the Fox News Channel's obvious bias and propaganda.

Ben's Top 10 Suggested Slogans For The Republicans' 2010 "Comeback" Campaign

10.) Vote Republican: We screwed things up less recently than the Dems!

9.) Why vote for "tax and spend" Democrats when you could vote for "borrow and spend" Republicans?

8.) Four words: War resolution against Uruguay!

7.) We stand AGAINST increased spending and big government solutions when the opposing party proposes them... usually.

6.) Vote G.O.P- Our faith in free markets is like the Rio Grande: A mile wide, but an inch deep.

5.) We miss listening to your phone calls!

4.) Please! McCain needs to feel liked!

3.) Medicare drug plans and "bridges-to-nowhere" don't look so wasteful now, do they smarty-pants?

2.) We'll drive the country off a cliff in a lower gear than the Democrats.

And the Number One suggested slogan for the Republicans' 2010 "comeback" campaign is...

Up to you! Post your suggestions below.

CLIMATEGATE II; WILL THE REAL PILTDOWN MAN PLEASE STAND UP?

Boy, oh, boy. When it rains it pours. And it's not due to Global Warming. The BBC has plunged into the Climategate pool by exposing the "Fudge Factor" used in CRU's computer models of Global Warming. You know, those GIGO programs that Algore touts so proudly in an Inconvenient Truth, his Oscar-winning work of fiction. I love a "documentary" that cites no real sources other than, "Computer models show...", "Studies indicate...", and "A friend of mine took this picture."

So now, the greatest Global Warming poseur of them all, Albert "Owl" Gore Junior, recently had to pay back some $3,600,000 to reimburse ticket holders who were going to attend one of Al's goofy-ass public appearances in Copenhagen in support of the UN's Scam-'Em-Out-Of-Their-Money Climate Conference. Seems Albert had to cancel at the last minute, leaving a load of idiots who paid $1,200 a pop to see the Goracle blither and shake his hand wanting refunds.

The Goracle's vague excuses for the cancellation include "unforeseen changes" in Gore's agenda and a "great annoyance". One has to wonder after years of cushy softball questions from a leftist media and a Democratic Senate protecting Uncle Albert from even having to debate Lord Monckton, the terrifying spectre of answering some real questions about the farce that's made him rich has frightened away the Goracle. The MSM is, of course, still trying to ignore this whole deal, but it keeps leaking out. This is gonna make Al sorry he ever "invented the Internet".

Despite frantic Whitehouse denials from the Alchemy & Astrology Csar Sue Doscience that Global Warming is a real scientific crisis, Barack Hussein Obama has also suddenly felt the need to change his plans as well, and will now wait until the end of the UN Climate Conference to attend. No doubt with a finger in the air the whole time to see which way the wind blows.

The cockroaches are scuttling for the shelter of the fridge fast now as Climategate crosses the pond and pops up in these United States. NASA is under fire...again...for having more "accidents" with their own climate figures.

Christopher C. Horner, a senior fellow at the Competitive Enterprise Institute, said NASA has refused for two years to provide information under the Freedom of Information Act that would show how the agency has shaped its climate data and explain why the agency has repeatedly had to correct its data dating as far back as the 1930s.

"I assume that what is there is highly damaging," Mr. Horner said. "These guys are quite clearly bound and determined not to reveal their internal discussions about this."

The Whitehouse Misinformation Csar Lou Knee responded to this issue, saying, "Nothing to see here. Move along. Get back in the Soylent Green line, now. There's a good sheeple." The Mainstream Media echoed his sentiments when, in the 12 days since the story broke, 3 networks (NBC, CBS, ABC) somehow managed to completely overlook and not once even mention Climategate.

Thankfully, though, this appears to be getting too big for the politicians and their media lapdogs to keep sweeping under the rug. Take heart. With the greatest "scientists" of their time working on it, it only took 40 years for Piltdown Man to be exposed as a colossal hoax. Someday, assuming Western Civilization survives the Obama Administration, we will all look back on Global Warming and laugh at these so-called experts the way we now do at those who believed in such silly concepts as the earth being flat, healing by bleeding out bad blood, and "hope and change".

FIRST LADIES; CLASS VS. CRASS

Two First Ladies exiting Air Force One, representing these United States of America to the world.

Well, you wanted "Change".

From the People's Cube, of course.