A single cup of coffee in the morning will cause you to urinate at least 17 times during the first hour of hunting, especially if you are stalking game and the wind is erratic.
It is a very good thing to have an insomniac hunting partner who gets up early and stokes the tent stove. If you do not have an insomniac hunting partner, consider slipping him some laxatives before bed.
Waterproof boots do you no good when you take a one-legger up to your crotch in a beaver hole.
Due to strange atmospheric conditions, not age, rifles and packs will swell and increase in weight by at least threefold during the course of a single day’s hunt.
Toilet paper! Always have toilet paper in your day pack!
A fatally shot game animal will have just enough energy left lurch over a stream bank and fall into the deepest beaver pond on the creek.
In real life, anyone insisting one should drink the blood of a downed game animal, like those idiot kids in Red Dawn, will be immediately clubbed with rifle butts.
When it’s ten degrees, have an empty Gatorade bottle beside your cot to prevent those annoying trips outside in the middle of the night in your long underwear.
When your wife says you don’t need a game cart, you will really, really, really need a game cart.
When you shoot an antelope, be sure you are at least a mile from the truck and have left your skinning knife in it, so you can field dress with a dull 3-inch pocket knife.
It’s never too early to start making plans for next year.