INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY FOR DUMMIES

The Obama Regime is winning friends and influencing people around the globe with startling alacrity these days. First, of course, was the messiah’s treatment of Gordon Brown, Prime Minister of what was formerly our staunchest international ally, Great Britain.

Let’s take an inside peek at how a "Community Organizer" projects United States diplomacy around the world.

WASHINGTON D.C.

BRITISH PRIME MINISTER GORDON BROWN: It is my honor to present the President with this pen holder made from the timbers of the anti-slave ship HMS Gannet, the original commission of the HMS Resolute, and this autographed 7-volume first edition set of Sir Martin Gilbert’s biography of Winston Churchill.

OBAMA: Hey, wow, that’s like, um, pretty cool man. (ASIDE TO AIDE): Shit. We were supposed to bring gifts? Here’s a fifty outta my wallet. Run down the street and get him something, would you?

BROWN: I am pleased that you…

OBAMA: Hey, Gordy, sorry to slow things down a notch, but, um, the little missus, um, you know, my wife, um, Michelle, she wants you to take this thing back over there to that other country you come from. SHOVES BUST OF WINSTON CHURCHILL INTO BROWN’S ARMS.

BROWN: Mr. President, what is the meaning of…

OBAMA: Michelle says, um, she don’t want no statues of no fat dead honkies around here. (ELBOWS BROWN) If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. Yeah, I hear you’re wife’s kinda bitchy, too, so I knew you’d, um, understand. You know what I mean, hunh?

BROWN: Really, Mr. President, I feel I must protest…

OBAMA: Say, who was this ‘Churchill’ fellow, anyway. I mean, um, I know he’s, ah, British obviously. Did he do something real famous over there, or what?

BROWN: Oh, I say! You can’t be serious…

OBAMA: (AIDE RUSHES UP, HANDS HIM A PLASTIC BAG) Ah, yes, president or king or minister, or whatever you are, um, here are some tokens of, um, esteem from the American people to, um, show our international friendship. (RUMMAGES IN BAG) Ah, yes, here’s a lovely 7-11 automobile air freshener shaped like a pine tree, and, um, let’s see, ah scratch-off lottery ticket and, oh, this Lincoln Memorial Pez dispenser and, um, of course, your used DVD of Point Break. Hey, how ‘bout that, am I a diplomat or what?

BROWN: You are a cretin and a barbarian.

OBAMA: Thank you, thank you very much.

GENEVA

HILLARY CLINTON: I present you with this cheesy plastic button so that we may “reset” the relationship between the United States and Russia. Since Bush dicked it all up.

RUSSIAN FOREIGN MINISTER SERGEI LAVROV: Hunh?

CLINTON: Don’tcha get it? See the top. It has that Russian word that means “Do-Over”.

LAVROV: Well, that’s not exactly…

CLINTON: What? Did we get it right? It doesn’t say “Do-Over”?

LAVROV: No, it translates as “Lick my scrotum”.

CLINTON: Shit!

TEHRAN

PRESIDENT MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD: Ha-Ha! What a buffoon! Full speed ahead on the nuclear missile programs!

PYONGYANG

PROPPED-UP CORPSE OF DEAR LEADER KIM JONG-IL: Hee-hee! What an idiot. Full speed ahead on the nuclear missile programs!

BEIJING

PREMIER WEN JIABAO: Bwahahahaha! We don’t even need missiles anymore! The Americans just signed for a 5 trillion dollar loan using “Everything west of the Mississippi” as collateral.

GAZA

HAMMAS: Whooo-hooo! You know how many friggin' rockets we can buy with $900,000,000?!?!?

TEL AVIV

PRIME MINISTER BENJAMIN NETANYAHU: We would like to ask all Israelis to grab their gas masks, report to the bomb shelters, and bend over and grab their ankles. I hope to see you all again in four years. Thank you.