Friday, September 18, 2009

Federal Language Pigs

U.S. officials are trying to quell the use of the name “swine flu” in reference to the illness, because it is hurting American pork producers. At a press conference Tuesday, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano and Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack asked the media and others to start identifying the illness as "H1N1 flu."

"This really isn’t swine [flu], it’s H1N1 virus," said Vilsack (file photo at right). “And it is significant because there are a lot of hard-working families whose livelihood depends on us conveying this message.”

Clad in a complimentary ConAgra cap, Service Employees International Union (SEIU) tee-shirt and Archer Daniels Midland jacket at the conference, Vilsack also requested that “chickenpox” now be referred to as “non-union scabs,” and that the “corns” on someone’s feet be referred to as “imported-food bumps.”

In a related story, after a 14-billion dollar unrequested federal “bailout” of Warner Brothers Entertainment, Porky Pig will now be called “Lean, Nutritious Pig.”


Bawb said...

Glad to have good old Tommy Ballsack looking out for agriculture in the U.S. I really, really like that photograph of him too.

Ben said...

He does inspire confidence, doesn't he?