Americans Beat 10 Biggest Armies; Still Going!

Earlier in the year we reported that in the first quarter of 2009 American citizens had purchased enough firearms to equip the Chinese and Indian armies. This was based on the number of NICS background checks performed during gun sales.

Pleased with the achievement, we issued the "Ben and Bawb's Blog 10 Army Challenge," wherein Americans were encouraged to buy enough firearms in 2009 to theoretically equip the world's ten largest armies. We needed 10,226,000 gun sales to equal the troops in these armies. In the first six months of 2009 the American people knocked out the top five of the ten armies.

Now the third-quarter results are in and the winner is… FREEDOM! [Cue sirens and confetti drop.] You did it America! [Cue scantily-clad bikini models to dance around Ben and Bawb, gyrating suggestively.]

According to Big Brother at the FBI, so far this year, Americans have bought 10,169,435 firearms. Although that is just shy of the 10,226,000 needed, there are plenty of gun sales that Uncle Sugar don’t know about, so: “Close enough! We win! We win!"

For those of you keeping score at home, the American citizenry just bested: China, U.S. Gov’t Forces, India, Russia, N. Korea, S. Korea, Pakistan, Iran, Turkey, and Egypt. Eat our dust, losers!

Now that we’ve got the “Big 10” wrapped up, we can spend the rest of the year mopping up the little snot-nosed, pantywaist armies. If we continue at our pace of about 1,000,000 gun sales per month, we can wipe out:

• Indonesia (If that's a real country, let's beat it!)
• Thailand (Insert "Bangkok" joke here.)
• Syria (Sounds like a girl's name!)
• Taiwan (You'd be speaking Chinese if it wasn't for us!)
• Brazil (The movie named after you sucked!)
• Germany (Schprechen sie shut up!)
• Italy (Please!)
• Japan (Damn right "a rifle behind every blade of grass.")
• France (Oh, we‘ve got to beat these wussies.)
• United Kingdom (Burn our capital will ya?)
• Mexico (Let's drive 'em loco.)
• Israel (Shalom, bitch!)

That would be the top 22 armies in the world and the American people would be toting more guns than all of them. That would be awesome!

So come on, America! We can’t stop now. Make the world (and your own president) nervous. Buy more guns!