Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Americans On Track To Win "10 Army Challenge"

Earlier in the year we reported that in the first quarter of 2009 American citizens had purchased enough firearms to equip the Chinese and Indian armies. This was based on the number of NICS background checks performed during gun sales.

Pleased with the achievement, we issued the "Ben and Bawb's Blog 10 Army Challenge," wherein Americans were encouraged to buy enough firearms in 2009 to theoretically equip the world's ten largest armies. (Symbolically flipping the finger at America's anti-gun, socialist president in the process.)

Good news: America is rising to the challenge! Background checks for the first six months of 2009 numbered 7,035,286. (That's a 24% increase over 2008.) Using the latest troop strength numbers, the top five armies have about 7,380,000 troops, which is just above the number of gun sales so far. So five armies down, five more to go!

The top 10 armies have a combined total of 10,226,000 troops, which means Americans only have to purchase 2,846,000 more guns to meet the total. This should be no problem since we've already surpassed the big boys with million-man armies like China, U.S.A, and India. Now we just have to beat little pussy countries like Iran and Egypt.

Dig deep America! Keep buying those guns. Ben and Bawb's Blog will keep you posted as to how we're doing every quarter. Here's our running total so far:
  1. China- 2.255 million - DONE!
  2. U.S.A.-1.385 million - DONE!
  3. India- 1.325 million - DONE!
  4. Russia- 1.245 million - DONE!
  5. N. Korea- 1.170 million - GOOD JOB!
  6. S. Korea- 687,000 - Let's M*A*S*H 'em
  7. Pakistan- 650,000 - Kick 'em in the Karachi
  8. Iran- 545,000 - Yeah, you better run
  9. Turkey- 514,000 - Gobble 'em up
  10. Egypt- 450,000 - Send 'em crying to their mummies
(Remember, you don't have to stop at ten, America. Don't let numbers eleven and twelve [Indonesia and Thailand] get cocky!)

Monday, July 27, 2009


The President sat bolt upright in his bed, wondering what had awakened him. It was not his wife; she slept peacefully in her coffin, hands folded, a predatory smile on her lips from some dream of destroying a political enemy. She did not seem to hear the noises the President heard, sounds that resembled the clatter of gunfire, the crackling of flames, screams, and a flushing toilet. For some reason, the President instantly thought of ghosts in haunted houses.

“It’s humbug still!” said the President. “I won’t believe it.”

His colour changed though, when, without a pause, it came on through the heavy door, and passed into the room before his eyes. Upon its coming in, the dying flame leaped up, as though it cried, “I know him; some dead white man!” and fell again.

The same face: the very same. Rounded cheeks beneath a bowler hat, a big cigar chomped in the corner of the mouth, the bulldog jowels, two fingers on the right hand raised in a V-shape. The President vaguely recalled the face; he had seen it in a book once, but he had not read the book, as it was about war and not about himself.

“How dare you!” the President huffed. “I do not allow dead white guys in my house. Go away at once!”

The specter produced a bolt of lightning that made the President jerk upright as electrical current surged painfully through his whole body. Was this the tingly feeling in the legs that he gave the Reporter, he wondered? If so it was not at all pleasant. The spirit then harrumphed, sat down in a chair, and magically produced a snifter of brandy.

“W-Who are you?” The President asked.

“I am the ghost of Winston Churchill.”

“Hunh? Who? Why not my hero, FDR?”

The ghost sighed heavily. “This is going to be tougher than I thought. FDR is busy in a very warm place, having made a deal with a devil, one named Joseph Stalin. As for who I am, I was Prime Minister of a once great nation at the time of her greatest crisis. Since, I have observed the sad decline of that nation. I am here to warn you of what lies ahead for your own country if you do not change your evil ways. Study history, study history. In history lies all the secrets of statecraft."
“I do not need help or to study history. I am a man of greatness. I’ve already have had Bill Ayers write two autobiographies about me. What books have you written?” The President huffed. “Besides, the public adores me, and thinks of me as their messiah.”

There is no such thing as public opinion. There is only published opinion.” stated the Spirit.

“You think I am not the messiah? How dare you criticize me, whitey?!”

The Spirit took a sip of brandy. “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things. …..Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.”

The President sniffed. “What do I need to learn? Look what I have already accomplished in my first 100 days!”

“What an arrogant upstart you are, but then the leftists usually are.” The Spirit closed his eyes for a moment, deep in thought, recalling his own words from long ago. "These very high intellectual persons who wake up every morning...see what they can find to demolish, to undermine, or cast away."
“We needed to destroy the old way. My teleprompter and I have given the American people…at least the stupid & gullible ones…hope and change.”

“There is no greater mistake than to suppose that platitudes, smooth words, and timid policies offer a path to safety."

“I do offer a path to safety, especially economically. I will redistribute the wealth for the benefit of the people, or at least those people who vote Democrat.”

"Is it better to have equality at the price of poverty or well-being at the price of inequality? Socialism is the philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery. Socialism is inseparably interwoven with totalitarianism and the abject worship of the State. It is government of the duds, by the duds, and for the duds."

“Ridiculous. Look how poorly the free market was doing before I came along.”

“Your free market was anything but free, saddled by endless government rules, regulations, restrictions, and taxes. If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law. Some see private enterprise as a predatory animal to be shot, others look on it as a cow to be milked but a few see it as a sturdy horse pulling a wagon. If you destroy a free market, you create a black market."
I will stimulate the economy,” the President pouted. He used both arms to heave a giant stack of paper, the size of two Bibles and a Russian novel, onto the floor at the Spirit’s feet. “Look at my stimulus plan! Look how much money we will spend to make things better.”

The ghost glanced at the paper monstrosity and snorted. “The length of this document defends it well against the risk of its being read.”
“Well, it’s not that I've actually read it myself, but I know what it contains. I offer a strategy for the future! My handlers tell me so!”

“Do not let spacious plans for a new world divert your energies from saving what is left of the old… However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results. How will you pay for this monstrosity?”

“By raising taxes, of course. But only on the rich, so they will be good taxes.”

There is no such thing as a good text. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."

“You are wrong, pasty dead honkey. How about foreign policy, then? Why not look at what I have done for America’s image around the world? I have apologized to everyone I can think of. We will have world peace, thanks to me.”

"How many wars have been averted by patience and good will? Victory will never be found by taking the line of least resistance. You remind me of Neville Chamberlain. He was given a choice between war and dishonor. He chose dishonor and [had] war anyway."

“My handlers say I am right. We will continue on the course we have chosen.”

The Spirit literally groaned this time and rolled his eyes. “You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.”

The Spirit killed his drink, heaved himself wearily out of the chair, and headed for the door.

“Before you go, dead white dude, what is that sound in the distance that grows louder by the moment?”

The Spirit cocked his head to listen momentarily, then sighed and shook his head.

“That’s a fat lady, and she’s singing about your nation. I bid you adieu.”

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Gun Nut Roundup - July '09

Nat'l Concealed Carry Reciprocity Amendment Fails

An amendment attached to another bill, sponsored by Republican Senators John Thune (SD) and David Vitter (LA), that would have made states which issue concealed carry permits also recognize similar permits from other states failed in the Senate.

The two states that don't issue permits would have been unaffected, and all federal, state and local gun laws would have remained in force. The U.S. Constitution compels states to give "full faith and credit" to the public acts of other states (like marriage and driver's licenses) and gives the U.S. Congress power to "prescribe the manner in which such acts [...] shall be proved, and the effect thereof." Nonetheless, such noted states rights activists as Chuck Schumer and Dianne Feinstein opposed the amendment on states rights grounds.

Due to parliamentary wrangling that you don't care about, this amendment required 60 votes to be accepted, rather than a simple majority. However it only received 58 votes. You can see how your Senators voted on this important issue here. I bet national reciprocity bills will be introduced every year until it's passed.

34 State Attorneys General Urge 'Incorporation' of Second Amendment

Fully two-thirds of state attorneys general have petitioned the Supreme Court to hear the case of NRA v. Chicago (and/or McDonald v. Chicago) and rule that the Second Amendment applies to state and local governments via the Fourteenth Amendment's due process clause. 33 state AG's signed onto one brief. The AG of California filed his own brief. (Well, lah-dee-dah!)

While the Supreme Court last year ruled in the Heller case that the Second Amendment protects an individual right, the parties involved lived in a federal enclave. Now the Second Amendment must be applied to the states through a process called incorporation, a process that most of the rest of the bill of rights has already gone through.

Bill Would Deny Second Amendment To Citizens Without Pesky Due Process

The "Denying Firearms and Explosives to Dangerous Terrorists Act of 2009," introduced by famously anti-gun Senator Frank Lautenberg, would deny Second Amendment rights to people placed on government "watch lists."

How does one get on such a watch list? As Bawb has previously reported, DHS documents cast suspicion on such innocuous activities as supporting tax or immigration reform or being a member of the "alternate media." (Gulp!) Could some anti-gun U.S. Attorney General get his hands on a list of the 4-million NRA members (or any other political opponents) and place them on the list? You bet!

There is no need for a trial or any other due process to be placed on the list. Arousing the "suspicion" of the AG is sufficient. You won't know that you're on the list and if you find out you are, there's no judicial process to get off. Ironic that this stuff is currently being pushed by a party that still decries the "McCarthyism" that took place in the 1950's.


French President Sarkozy muses upon America's new leader...Jimmy Carter, Robert Mugabe, AND Bill Clinton all rolled into one big contemptible ball. We are so proud.

So I go on vacation for a couple of weeks and there's all kinds of wacky stuff to catch up on.

In the foreign arena, Russia’s good old Pravda, these days boasting more credibility than, say, Time or Newsweek, notes how the sheeple of these United States are not only gleefully throwing away their freedoms, they don’t even know what they are!

The linked article shows the results of the State of the First Amendment survey conducted by The First Amendment Center regarding the freedoms espoused in the First Amendment. Only 15% of those interviewed knew about freedom of religion or of the press. The number of those who even knew about freedom of speech was the lowest in the 11 years the survey has been taken. Four out of ten Americans could name no freedoms listed in the 1st at all. But all 40% of them indicated they believed in “hope” and “change”.

In a bizarre contradiction, better than 2/3 of those surveyed believed the American press doesn't even try to be unbiased in their reporting and 70% believed false or made-up stories by the media were a widespread problem. At the same time, however, 79% believed press coverage of Obama was fair, with 48% calling it very fair.

Up nort' dere, the Canadians, too, can take Zero's and America’s pulse better than our own state-run media when it comes to the outright destruction of the United States Constitution.

Decades of outright destruction of the Constitution have left
the nation on the brink of economic, political and social collapse. The 2006 and
2008 election cycles placed the Constitution in full crisis and the people are
growing increasingly desperate for a peaceful means to restore their
Constitutional Republic.

An administration which does not meet constitutional
standards is expected to protect and defend a contract which it does not even
recognize, much less respect. The contract either stands, or it doesn’t. Based
on the 2008 election, and every policy put in place since, the contract does not
stand at present. If the Constitution no longer stands, then the federal
government which it established, no longer stands in authority. Tyranny reigns…
Speaking of passing Constitutional muster, GOP Congresscriters, of which perhaps three or four still have some integrity, are apparently no longer allowed the right to free speech.

Rep. John Carter (R-Texas), the secretary of the House Republican Conference and a former District Court Judge, is having his messages to constituents censored by Democrats on the Franking Commission. Republicans are no longer allowed to use the words “government run health care” in the communications to their constituents.

“What we proposed as language was as follows, ‘House Democrats unveiled a government-run health care plan,’” Carter said. “Our response from Franking was, ‘You cannot use that language. You must use, ‘The House majority unveiled a public option health care plan,’ which is Pelosi-speak or ‘just last week the House majority unveiled a health care plan which I believe will cost taxpayers…’”

Confirming this story, the always brilliant and eloquent Nancy Pelosi issued this statement: "Big Brother say publicoption healthcareplan is doubleplusgood."

Back to the Russians, here’s something you won’t see our own Pravda, aka the MSM, showing over and power...or at all for that matter. In the snub of snubs, the Russkies refused to shake hands with the Big 0. Perhaps they are afraid shallowness and stupidity rub off?

It’s not just the Russians who are turning up the heat of sheer contempt for our bumbling, clueless empty suit of a president and his typical American arrogance/ignorance that there is indeed a "rest of the world" out there. French President Nicolas Sarkozy finds the Kenyan amusing in a pathetic kind of way, and during National Lampoon’s Obama Vacation, the British press said that Zero’s handlers greatly feared snubs from Sarkozy.

Then there's the behind-the-scenes opinions the various foreign intelligence agencies have about Obama, and how Reaganite spook Dr. Jack Wheeler paraphrases them:

The world can go - how do you say - sideways with this man very quickly. No one he has working for him knows what they are doing - possibly excepting Mrs. Clinton - and he certainly does not. All of us in our little community are worried - us, our friends in Berlin, London, Tel Aviv, and Langley too as you say. It is not like the barbarians at the gates. It is every barbarian horde in the world being told there are no gates. The Somalis, Chavez, Iran, Putin, Beijing, the ‘Norks” as you call them, the list is long and it is growing. We are not sure what to do.

And I can tell you for certain the Swiss ain’t happy with Mr. Socialism trying to force his greedy little fingers into American and other bank accounts in Switzerland.

Meanwhile, the American state-run propaganda machine continues to use their tingly legs to prop up Barry’s floundering ship of state. They wouldn’t say anything negative about him if he took a dump on the flag and then machine-gunned a school bus full of girl scouts. When the rest of the world thinks we’re idiots because of a Texan, its lead-story, front-page, stop-the-presses all-the-way coverage. When the rest of the world thinks we’re idiots because of a Kenyan, all you hear is a dusty wind sighing on silent airwaves.

Those very airwaves which, BTW, 66% of Americans polled thought should be censored by the government for "fairness".

Sunday, July 12, 2009


Here in Fly-Over country, we have long been on the receiving end of endless mandates and edicts spewed forth by the "elites" on both coasts regarding how to run things out here. These dictates usually come from big city weenies whose feet have never left pavement (let alone stepped in cow shit) in their lives, who think meat is "produced" under plastic in the back of supermarkets, and who have never, ever had the occasion to "pee behind a tree".

For instance, I believe it was a female senator from New Yawk State who proposed Federal budget savings (an admirable goal if you know what the heck you're doing) by firing all the cattle guards in the Western United States. The only problem is that cattle guards are not "guards" per se, but rather a device consisting of steel rails that is implanted in the roadbed. Livestock are not able to cross over these cattle guards. Thus, vehicles can travel roads freely without stopping to open and shut gates at every fenceline.

These edicts, arbitrarily produced with absolutely no input from the regions affected, usually prove to be utterly unrealistic, totally unworkable, and downright asinine. Not that that is, in governmental logic, any reason to rescind any previous fiasco nor to stop spewing forth more.

So, if we're going to have this kind of thing going on, it only goes to reason that we should also take Montana-Idaho-Wyoming rules and make them apply to coastal liberal weenies in their own lairs. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. (Note to the big city agriculture impaired types: a gander is a male goose.)

Here are just a few of the logical, workable provisions we here in Fly-Over Country wish to foist upon the metrosexual weenies "for their own good".

Residents of Connecticut would be required to fence their property if they did not want free-range cattle to graze there, and cattle drives on public highways would have the right-of-way.

Open carry of loaded handguns would be made legal on the streets of Washington D.C., and loaded rifles could be carried in rear window gun racks in taxi cabs.

A five-person road crew would be deemed sufficient to maintain public roads on a 3.3 million acre tract of land in the state of Delaware. Whoops…Delaware doesn’t even have 3.3 million acres in it.

San Diego residents would be allowed to shoot deer with high-powered rifles for a month and a half every fall. In San Francisco, game wardens would legally be allowed to shoot pet owners’ dogs in front of them if they were “harassing wildlife”.

Speed limits outside the actual city limits of New York City would be 70 mph on all public highways, and within city limits all traffic would be required to yield to a tired old footsore, gray-muzzled dog crossing Main Street.

Residents of New Orleans would know the sheriff and at least 25% of his deputies on a first-name basis, the police force would not be corrupt and would consist of “peace officers” instead of “law enforcement officers”, and the highest elected peace officer in the county would tell you that, in case of a home invasion, you should be the “last man standing” to fill out the forms with the police afterwards.

Verbal contracts would still be legally binding in all states.

ATV’s could be licensed to operate on all public roads in the greater Los Angeles area.

Failure to extinguish your campfire in Boston would incur a $300 fine.

Free camping would be allowed for two weeks on public lands outside the city limits of San Jose, and indefinitely on private lands within or without city limits.

Minor civil disputes in Philadelphia could be settled with fists, behind the bar, instead of with lawyers.

There ya go. Try those on for size first and get back to us on how well they work out for you. Then, in the future, we will foist one of our rules upon you every time you foist one upon us. If you don't like it, I'll meet you out behind the bar.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Fourth Stimulus Package Needed

WASHINGTON D.C.- As talk in Congress turns toward a third "stimulus package" to assist President Bush's $152 billion stimulus and Obama's $787 billion stimulus, which have both failed to spur the economy as promised, a few forward-thinking Democrat Representatives are already thinking beyond even the third installment.

Although Obama stated that, if Congress passed his $787 billion stimulus package unemployment would not go over 8%, it already currently stands at 9.5%. According to Gateway Pundit, the U.S. has lost about 16,000 jobs per day since Congress passed this "job-creating" stimulus, and Obama will quadruple the U.S. budget deficit in his first year in office. Vice President Biden has stated that the failure of the stimulus is due to the fact that they "misread" how bad the economy truly was.

Valiantly unwilling to admit defeat, many backers of Keynesian economics are calling for another round of "stimulus," hopefully big enough to get the job done this time. Looking beyond that, some Congressional Democrats are calling for a fourth wave of spending increases to help stimulate the economy when this proposed third stimulus package fails to do so.

Although work on a third stimulus package has not yet formally begun, Representative Ilene Toodaleft (D-California) has already introduced the "Economic Recovery Through Spending Money Like Whores In A Crack House Act of 2010," more commonly referred to as "Stimulus Package #4." She and the co-sponsors of the bill recently held a press conference to unveil their plan.

"Given the repeated failures of government stimulus spending to improve economic conditions, we Democrats need to be prepared to help American working families when we cause those conditions to worsen," said Rep. Toodaleft.

Perhaps Toodaleft refers to spending by President Hoover, who increased federal spending by 47%, while increasing taxes, helping to push the U.S. into the Great Depression. Or President Franklin Roosevelt who increased spending by 106% from 1933 to 1940, while increasing taxes, thereby retaining high unemployment and economic stagnation until World War Two. Or even President Bush who was the biggest spending president since LBJ, ending his administration in a deep recession.

Toodaleft continued, "Since we've 'misread' economic conditions in the past, it stands to reason that we will do so again with a third stimulus plan. Therefore, it is only prudent to have a forth stimulus plan ready to go. Although, odds are, we'll misread something with that one too. In fact, we probably have no idea what the hell we're doing... ever."

Toodaleft's stimulus package would cost an estimated one gogajillion dollars, a number so large it was only recently discovered by scientists using semi-sentient super-computers. The stimulus would include a bajillion dollar "bailout" for America's ailing accordion-repair industry, as well as funds for grief counseling for left-handed pole vaulters and a small provision that would nationalize all industry and private property. The bill would be paid for by borrowing, raising taxes and a novel plan wherein millions of new federal employees would scour the 193 million acres of U.S. National Forest lands collecting leaves that would then be crudely stamped with dollar signs and used as currency.

Calling the Democrat plan "wasteful and irresponsible," House Republicans have offered their own counterproposal which they call "Stimulus Package #3.5." Their bill would only cost three-quarters of a gogajillion dollars and would include a bajillion dollars for a war against some yet-to-be-determined "country full of brown people." *

Vowing to "turn away from the failed policies of the past," President Obama promised to sign Toodaleft's legislation into law, should it reach his desk.

Ben and Bawb's Blog will endeavour to keep you up to date as these stimulus bills advance.

*Thanks George Carlin!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Palin Unfit To Be President

Excerpted from an excellent article by David Harsanyi on

"[R]unning government is no longer a suitable vocation for the bumbling proletariat. It's for folks with schoolin' and such. It's a job for herculean thinkers with degrees from Ivy League schools. In other words, no one from Alaska need apply.

"Former sports reporters certainly won't do. We need former constitutional scholars. Who else, after all, has a better understanding of how to undermine the document?

"Really, where would we be if a bumpkin like Palin were president? With her brainpower, we probably would be stuck with a Cabinet full of tax cheats, retreads and moralizing social engineers. [...]

"The talent to print money we don't have to pay for programs we can't afford is the work of a finely tuned imagination, soaring gravitas and endless policy know-how. [...]

"Palin never would be able to convince Americans that a trillion-dollar government-run health care plan would save taxpayers money or have the rhetorical ability to convince even a single person that a European-style cap-and-trade scheme has any benefit at all."

Read the entire article here.

Thursday, July 02, 2009