Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Gun Nut Roundup - Sept. '09

Bunny Hugger Confirmed as "Regulatory Czar."

Professor Cass Sunstein, a paper-shuffling pencil neck, was confirmed by the Senate as Obama’s new “regulatory czar.” In this position he will help craft federal regulations for the Departments of Interior and Agriculture and the BATFE, as well as others.

This should send shivers down the spine of gun owners in general, and hunters in particular. In addition to being hostile to gun rights, Sunstein is an avowed animal rights kook. He even thinks that critters should be able to sue their bipedal oppressors in court (no doubt with a little help from the trial lawyers who have donated so much to the Democrats). Just about every real hunting and trapping association worth its salt opposed him and livestock producers are losing sleep.

Yet another example of the Kenyan saying he supports gun rights while surrounding himself with a veritable who's who of gun banning moonbats.

Socialist Railroad Gets Slightly Less Crappy

For the three or four gun owners out there who actually ride Amtrak, good news! An amendment from Senator Roger Wicker (R-MS) that would allow gun toting railroad riders to transport their weapons in checked, hard-sided, locked containers passed in the Senate. Previously, guns were totally banned on the government-run choo-choos.

This could be vitally important. I've never ridden on, or even seen, an Amtrak train. But I have watched enough movies to know that if you travel by rail, at some point in your trip you will engage in a running gun battle on the roof of the train. Better have your guns!
The provision faces an uncertain future in the House of Representatives.

Ron Paul Endorses Iowa Gun Rights Group

Texas Congressman and former presidential hopeful Ron Paul has endorsed "Iowa Gun Owners." Doctor Paul writes: "I am happy to announce that there is a no-compromise 2nd Amendment group fighting aggressively in your state for your right to keep and bear arms. Iowa Gun Owners is the only organization that takes a committed no compromise stance towards your gun rights."

Formed in January 2009, IGO is the new kid on the Iowa gun rights block, yet they got their first year off with a bang. They got a "Vermont-Carry" bill introduced and won it more votes than many folks thought possible among the noodle-spined wussies in the Iowa legislature.

You can check out IGO's website here.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


"For Republicans, the way out of the wilderness in the 2010 midterm elections looks to be paved with healthcare votes."

Although drooling and licking their chops over "The Big Come-Back" in 2010, the Republicans haven't actually changed anything about what got them kicked in the teeth in 2008. The party of Big Government thinks they can weasel their way back in power by running against the party of Bigger Government.

Absolutely nothing, nada, zero, zilch about returning to anything even remotely resembling conservatism, although a handful of Republican politicians are making mumbled half-hearted insincere noises about it in hopes of not getting spanked quite so bad this go-round. I think GOP Cheerleader Yawn Hannity actually believes them, but he's about the only Charlie Brown conservative left who will still let the RNC Lucy hold the football for him.

Newt and the Class of '94 at least went to Washington promising actual changes that might have actually done some small amount of good somewhere...balanced budgets, welfare reform, tort reform, cutting government regulations and spending, tax cuts, even (gasp!) term limits. Of course, the liberal controlled Ministry of Truth ripped into the Contract With America like rabid jackals and it took the Freshman Class of '94 all of about two weeks to become the thing they supposedly despised, aka Big Government Tax-and-Spend Political Whores, just like everyone else in Sodom on Potomac. At least they went through the motions and kind-of sort-of tried to do something.

This latest bunch, possibly to become the Dunces of 2010, isn't even pretending to be about changing anything. They're showing their true colors in that they just want the power back in their hands; they sure don't want that power to decrease or go away. You'll find no Mr. Smith Goes to Washington here, that's for sure.

Even if the GOP sweeps the 2010 race by a landslide, no matter what odious, criminal, disastrous, un-Constitutional bills get passed in the meantime you can bet your sweet patootie they sure as heck won't REPEAL a single one of them. Just like the Dems and Libs thought the Patriot Act was the most heinous, evil, horrible thing to ever rear it's ugly head, they have now decided it's just fine 'n' dandy and even in need of extending and expanding now that their despot has his grubby mits on it. Just like both parties think a line-item veto is desperately needed when their guy is in the Whitehouse, but viciously oppose it when the other guy is in there.

In short, you can't trust any of them. I personally think the time is ripe for a third party to rise to prominence, but I don't see it realistically happening. Both the Dems and the GOP have made darn sure over the past few decades, with ballot access laws and election "reforms", that nobody else can come play in their political yard. Likewise, the State-run Propaganda Ministry has a large vested interest in maintaining a Two-Party Oligarchy that they have so much influence over as well.

So, as always, we will be faced with a tough choice between feces and dung come election time. Of course, with rampant run-away voter fraud and a media with considerably less integrity than intestinal parasites, it's not like your vote really matters anymore anyway. Note to self: Keep diggin' and buy more ammo.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Our New National Anthem?

Now if you'll excuse me, I've a got a date with a rope and garage rafter.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Q: What's the difference between the zoo and the Whitehouse?

A: The zoo has an African lion, the Whitehouse has a lyin' African.

Please be sure to "not get" the whole birth certificate thing and call this racist.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Federal Language Pigs

U.S. officials are trying to quell the use of the name “swine flu” in reference to the illness, because it is hurting American pork producers. At a press conference Tuesday, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano and Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack asked the media and others to start identifying the illness as "H1N1 flu."

"This really isn’t swine [flu], it’s H1N1 virus," said Vilsack (file photo at right). “And it is significant because there are a lot of hard-working families whose livelihood depends on us conveying this message.”

Clad in a complimentary ConAgra cap, Service Employees International Union (SEIU) tee-shirt and Archer Daniels Midland jacket at the conference, Vilsack also requested that “chickenpox” now be referred to as “non-union scabs,” and that the “corns” on someone’s feet be referred to as “imported-food bumps.”

In a related story, after a 14-billion dollar unrequested federal “bailout” of Warner Brothers Entertainment, Porky Pig will now be called “Lean, Nutritious Pig.”

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Remember back during the campaign when Obama was a “Christian”, even if he was one who went to "not hear" and "not support" the wacky Reverend Wright’s racist rants for 20 years?

Now that he’s safely ensconced upon the throne, he seems to have forgotten all about his “Christianity”. First we got the World Boot-Licking Tour in which he apologizes to everyone, including pets and houseplants, in every nation, to include saying America is not a Judea-Christian nation but could really be called a Muslim nation. He covers the cross during a speech at a Jesuit university. He doesn’t let the Whitehouse participate in the National Day of Prayer, but he’s happy to have a Whitehouse Ramadan dinner. During his Ramadan video message, he spoke of the Muslim virtues of “advancing justice, progress, tolerance and the dignity of all human beings.” (Well, except for us infidels, of course.) At the dinner, he praises “the great religion”, then added, “If you don’t agree, you’re a RACIST!”

To be fair, it was George “Jorge” W. Bush who started the whole Ramadan dinner-at-the-Whitehouse thing, when he called Islam “the religion of peace”, basically while the rubble of the World Trade Center was still smoldering. We here at das blog had our disagreements with the Bush Administration, too. Stepping on civil rights, expanding the size of government, and spending like a drunken sailor. From that perspective, the Obama Administration is little more than the GOP/Bush bunch on super steroids.

An example of a "Bad Bush" program (pogrom?) Ben and I detested and protested was the so-called Patriot Act. Just about every Dem in the country did too. Now, however, that Zero the Hero wields the reins of power, it has suddenly become a very good idea that needs to be kept and extended. Especially to be used against “domestic terrorists” and RACISTS.

Speaking of past presidents, I’ve sure been missing Billy Jeff Clinton lately. Remember, “It’s the economy, stupid!”? You sure don’t hear that phrase much these days. The Dems and their state-run media organs keep crowing about the recession/depression being over, all the green shoots, the rebound, the brilliant success of the porkulus bill thus far, etc, etc, ad nauseam.

As usual, the real world doesn’t agree with the Big Zero’s less-than-truthful analysis, aka "You lie!" A prime indicator of real world economics, a ghost fleet of empty container ships larger than the D-Day invasion force lies at anchor off Singapore, with many shipyards being likewise empty and unused. Thousands of railroad cars lie rusting on unused sidings around the country. Foreclosures are up 18% from this month last year; there would be a lot more, but the pipeline is jammed full and lending institutions are overwhelmed. Millions still become unemployed every month, with the official unemployment rate set at just under 10%, a figure that's even less accurate than say "11 million illegals." I also recall something along the lines of "If you pass my stimulus bill, unemployment will never pass 8%." Remember when the media was throwing a hissy fit that it was the end of the world when unemployment hit 4% under Bush? Where's all the media outrage, shouts, and wailing now? (Sounds of crickets chirping in the distance.)

But if you say the economy is in the toilet and criticize the government pissing away trillions on non-solutions, you’re a RACIST.

In addition to thoughts of Clinton and Bush, another past president has reared his ugly head, rather like a serpent from the rocks. Yup, our old pal Jimmy Carter has been dredged up out of retirement to be quoted by the state-run media as another “expert” source on all domestic and international politics. Funny, they don’t bring in Bush 41 or Shrub or Clinton for interviews. And Reagan, they tried to forget he ever existed when he was still alive. Only the Peanut Boy knows.

Anyway, I'll bet you can guess what Jimmy had to say about the 9/12 Tea Party protesters. Yup, that’s right, we’re all RACISTS.

When the race card is the only hand in your deck, your policies obviously don’t have a leg to stand on. Only a continuous bombardment of propaganda by the Ministry of Truth is keeping the listing, leaking, floundering Obamanation ship of state afloat. One has to wonder how long they can keep bailing out the Titanic with a tea cup. Folks aren't laughing at the joke anymore. They're getting fed up and pissed off.

But then, who cares what they think. After all, they're nothing more than RACISTS.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Gun Owner Ally Under Attack

[An alert from our good friends at Gun Owners of America Political Victory Fund]:

Even if you missed the President's speech to the Congress on health care last week, you certainly have seen the news following the event.

Most notable was the fact that pro-gun congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina -- rated "A" by GOA -- decided to call out the President because of his... well, shall we say... his failure to communicate truthfully.

No matter what you think about the time and place Wilson chose to tell President Obama "You lie," the facts are on Joe Wilson's side.

The President lied repeatedly throughout his speech. Even the Associated Press -- hardly a bastion of conservatism -- noted that the President failed to accurately articulate the truth in several instances.

Wilson's opponent, however, is trying to use the national attention on Wilson to raise money for his campaign. In fact, Wilson's opponent says he raised over $1 million in the first 48 hours following the speech.

It's up to the pro-gun community to respond in kind and help Wilson through this difficult time. But first, who is Rep. Joe Wilson and what has he done for gun owners?

Not only has he consistently supported the Second Amendment with his votes, he has also cosponsored needed gun rights legislation. This year, he has cosponsored two reciprocity bills in the House -- including the GOA-supported HR 1620, which protects Vermont-style carry -- plus a bill that removes certain restrictions on the interstate sale of firearms.

In previous years, Wilson was the chief sponsor of the Citizen's Self-Defense Act, a bill that would protect individuals who successfully defend themselves or others from violent attack, only to find themselves in the clutches of anti-gun prosecutors.

And when a conference committee watered down GOA's language to arm airline pilots following the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Rep. Wilson stepped up to the plate. He successfully pushed through legislation to allow all commercial pilots (not just passenger pilots) to carry guns. Further, when TSA bureaucrats dragged their feet once armed pilots became the law of the land, Wilson authored yet another bill that streamlined the certification process.

Here's the bottom line: Joe Wilson couldn't stand listening to the President dish out lie after lie. He says his emotions got the best of him, and he yelled "You lie" in the midst of a presidential address. He regrets the time and place he did it... but he is not sorry for what he said.

He was ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. He did what millions of Americans -- many people like you -- would have loved to do. How many of us would like the chance to tell the President, to his face, to stop lying?

It's ironic. The President stood there on national television and said his opponents were lying. But when Joe Wilson countered that it was the President who was, in fact, lying... it was Wilson who came under attack from the liberal media.

That's why we need to stand with Rep. Joe Wilson. If we lose a pro-gun stalwart because of his willingness to call out the President on his lies, it will be a crying shame.

You can contribute to the Wilson campaign by going online at

Even if it is a contribution of solidarity -- only $5 or $10 -- it will be worth it. But if you can afford more, please do so.

Wilson is in for a tough race because the left-wing, anti-gun movement smells blood and they will pour even more money into this race.

Representative Wilson deserves all the help we can give. Let him know that gun owners are standing with him!

Tim Macy
Vice Chairman

Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee. Gun Owners of America Political Victory Fund is a Project of Gun Owners of America.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


From this...

To this.

The United States Department of Agriculture, or USDA, is but one teeny tiny little cog in the giant wheel and sounds innocuous enough. Never mind the Constitutionality of such an agency for the moment, what could possibly be bad about farming, right?

In theory, the USDA was originally supposed to develop and execute's policies on farming, agriculture, and food. According to Wikipedia, "It aims to meet the needs of farmers and ranchers, promote agricultural trade and production, work to assure food safety, protect natural resources, foster rural communities and end hunger in the United States and abroad."

OK, still sounds rather Innocent, eh. As with every other government agency, it has suffered extreme mission creep, ever-expanding budgets, ever-expanding bureaucracy, and ever-expanding staffs. In fact, the USDA now employs about a dozen of its own people for every farmer or rancher left in these United States. The concept of "public service", as in archaic mottoes such as "Caring for the land and serving the people", has long since disappeared from the department's lexicon.'s idea of "serving" the public these days amounts to sending farmers subsidies and even paying them money to not farm their land, while taking money hand over fist from Corporate Ag lobbyists.

Under Obama, who probably wishes to follow Robert Mugabe's brilliant path to redistributive agricultural success, has appointed former Iowa governor Tom Vilsack to be Secretary of Agriculture. So what, sez you? He's from Iowa. He should know all about agriculture. Actually, he hails from Pittsburgh and moved to Iowa as an adult to become (surprise!) a lawyer, riding on the coattails of his father-in-law's long established law firm. One can rest assured that the bottom of his wingtips never encountered a cow pie. But, no doubt, Tom became somewhat of an expert in agriculture driving by all those corn and bean fields on his way from Mount Pleasant to Cedar Rapids. I will leave it to true Iowan Ben to make the Vilsack jokes, using the "sack" part of his last name in conjunction with scatological references or parts of the male reproductive system.

At any rate, under the inspiring leadership of Vilsack and the Mighty Zero, the USDA is finally bringing the "service" back into public service. Before you get too excited and teary-eyed nostalgic, let's hear it straight from the horse' the modern USDA can and will serve the public's needs.


USDA Employees,

A few days
ago, I wrote to update you on employee involvement in United We Serve, the
President and the First Lady’s summer of service initiative. It continues to
inspire me that so many USDA employees across the nation are actively involved
in strengthening their communities through service.

Last week, I had the
opportunity to participate in an exciting service event as part of a Rural Tour
stop in Zanesville, Ohio. A group of interfaith leaders from the community
joined me to distribute Compact Fluorescent light bulbs to senior citizens
living in public housing. The bulbs were donated by Ohio families seeking to
offset their carbon footprints.

I also want to heartily commend DC Metro area employees for their
enthusiastic participation in the Office of Personnel Management’s summer food
drive, Feds Feed Families. Friday, August 28th marked the final collection day
for this government-wide food drive, and your generous donations of
non-perishable food helped ensure that the Capital Area Food Bank will stay well
supplied and continue its great work helping people in need throughout the DC

I want to encourage all USDA employees to participate in an
important survey about your volunteer activities this summer during United We
Serve. The results of this survey will help us determine how USDA answered
President Obama’s call to service, so please take just a couple of minutes to
follow this link and complete the survey.

Finally, Friday, September 11
has been designated by Congress and the President as a National Day of Service
and Remembrance. I would encourage all of you to do something on that day or
this weekend that honors the memory of those who lost their lives by serving

Thank you again for all that you are doing to serve Americans
every day, in every way.

With best wishes,

Secretary Tom Vilsack

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Why Obama’s Address to Schoolchildren Is Objectionable

[Excerpted from an article by Michael S. Rozeff at]:

[I] have seldom read stronger words in newspapers directed against those who object to Obama’s speechmaking to children. They are being called crackpots. They are being accused of demonizing the President. They are being accused of McCarthyism. They are being accused of being racist, completely insane, and members of the right-wing lunatic fringe.

These attacks are not called for. There are very good reasons to object to Obama’s speech. I’ll sum up the ones that bother me. There are no doubt others, but I have made no attempt to research them and find out what others are thinking on this matter.

1.The speech is beyond the President’s constitutional powers.
2.The President is supporting a national role in education, which also is unconstitutional.
3.The President is not supporting his oath of office, so he is conveying an anti-constitutional message to children.
4.The President is crossing a boundary between the political and social spheres. That boundary is in place in order to control government power and maintain a healthy free society.
5.The President is augmenting national power and influence.
6.The President is starting a new precedent that has dangerous implications.
7.The President’s speech cannot possibly be non-political. The very act itself is politically in furtherance of government and an enhanced government role.
8.The President also leads his party, and that fact may influence children.
9.The President may have an undue influence over children due to his position and power.
10.Will fairness considerations lead to equal time for opposition leaders?
11.Presidential access to communications is dangerous enough without extending it to youth.

[Ben says: Yup.]

Monday, September 07, 2009

NRA Smoking Crack?

The National Rifle Association's magazine articles usually have the same two-part contradictory message: 1]NRA has led gun owners to a ceaseless string of political victories (so send money). 2]Your gun rights have never been more in peril (so send money). While thumbing through this month's rag from the NRA, I happened upon an article by Dave Kopel, titled "Will The Supreme Court Set Speech Free?"

Unlike NRA's self-promoting magazine staff-writers, Kopel is an author, attorney and political scientist whose opinions I do respect. NRA must respect his opinions as well, since they often include his articles. I'll assume that, since they included this article in their publication, NRA agrees with the premise of the article.

The article begins: "Today, one of the gravest long-term threats to your Second Amendment rights is the weakening of your First Amendment rights--including your right as a member of the National Rifle Association to participate in free speech in the months before a federal election." The article is about the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act of 2002 (BCRA), which the Supreme Court is set to re-review this month.

The article calls the law "anathema to democracy." It contends that BCRA is actually worse than the Sedition Act of 1798, which punished criticizing government officials, because "if you could prove that your criticism [...] was accurate, then you would be entitled to an acquittal. In contrast, the BRCA restricts even truthful statements about federal candidates."

This mirrors the words of NRA Executive VP Wayne Lapierre, who, shortly after BCRA became law, called it "the most significant change in the First Amendment since the Alien and Sedition Acts of 1798, which tried to make it a crime to criticize a member of Congress." The NRA quickly filed suit against the law at that time, but ultimately lost.

What does all this have to do with the NRA smoking crack? BCRA is more commonly known by the name "The McCain-Feingold Act." McCain as in Arizona Senator John McCain, who NRA endorsed for president in 2008.

McCain, who did commercials for the George Soros funded anti-Second Amendment group "Americans For Gun Safety." McCain, who sponsored legislation that could have shut down gunshows. John McCain who supported legislation that would "force federal agents to increase efforts in arresting and convicting honest gun owners who may inadvertently violate one of the many federal anti-gun laws, which punish mere technicalities, such as gun possession." McCain, who received an "F" grade from Gun Owners of America in 2004 and 2006.

This McCain:

I might have been able to let the NRA slide on its endorsement of this statist ogre. Perhaps it was just a one-time transgression by an organization frightened by the prospect of Barack Obama as president, I reasoned.

But when I flipped a few pages further in the magazine, I came across an article about NRA's annual "Celebration of American Values." Whose picture should I see, grimacing grotesquely behind the podium, as an honored speaker at the event? The king of the RINOs himself, Crash Bandicoot, aka John McCain. Apparently, in the NRA's view, authoring a bill that is "anathema to democracy" and constantly trying to shitcan the Constitution are "American values" to be "celebrated."

Come on NRA! Quit using MY dues money to promote this self-serving prick! He's just using you and will stab us in the back the next chance he gets. In the immortal words of Smash Mouth: "Put away the crack before the crack puts you away."

Sunday, September 06, 2009


This just in! From Hillbuzz!

Someone we know from Chicago, who works in the White House now, just leaked us this advance copy of the upcoming address Dr. Utopia’s going to make to school children on September 8th. Personally, we’re surprised it’s so subtle and understated, considering the egomaniac, cult-of-personality, Kim Il Jong-wannabe who’s delivering it...

This is absolutely hilarious. Read the whole speech HERE.


Friday, September 04, 2009


Gather ‘round children and grandpa will tell you a story. A story about how we got our beloved dog Lassie. It’s a story about a completely fictional Federal Agency known as, oh, let’s say the Timber Service. The Old Ranger worked for the Timber Service and he was good at his work and proud of the Service. He had begun working for it as a seasonal employee during college in the summers, doing tough, dirty work in the back country. He had slowly moved his way up the ladder from there, one step at a time, giving his best and working hard. He did and knew most of the jobs of those who would eventually be under his leadership…recreation, trails, timber, range, firefighting, etc. He got his hands dirty and calloused, his boots and clothes muddy, and was bitten by insects and worked in the rain. But it paid off in the end, and he became the Ranger.

All this time, un-noticed by the Old Ranger, sinister forces had been creeping slowly into the Service, things known as Affirmative Action and Diversity, Bureaucracy and Fanatical Environmentalism. Soon, like kudzu, these creeping tentacles spread and wrapped themselves around the Service. No matter how well qualified and how hard they had worked, Service men were soon being passed over for promotion by people who had different plumbing or different skin color, whether the latter were even remotely qualified or not.

Not even the Chief of the Service was safe. Once, these chiefs had been grizzled veterans coming from long decades of actual experience in the Service, men who would stand right up on their hind legs and tell meddling Congressmen to get stuffed. Soon, though, even the Chief had to back pedal in the face of what was called the Civil Rights Mafia. One Chief made a joke about a new appointment, saying the man was not only well qualified, but that the Chief “liked the way he cut his hair.” This was a joke. Both the Chief and the appointee were bald men. Some did not get the joke. Almost before the words were out of the Chief’s mouth, three women filed civil right complaints against him in reaction to that comment, saying it proved he was showing preferential treatment in hiring white males.

The Chiefs quickly went from strong leaders to powerless, politically correct mealy-mouthed token “managers”, always looking over their shoulder for the Civil Rights Mafia like citizens in the old Soviet Union, terrified and groveling on their knees in front of the altar of Diversity.

One New Chief, acting again in his own interest and not the interest of the land, the people, or the Timber Service, said that he himself would show all employees that civil rights and workforce diversity were a priority. He selected, apparently at random, a woman who had never worked for the Service before, a Puerto Rican woman with a hyphenated last name, to be his assistant chief and he sang her praises to the heavens about her “tremendous project management skills and tremendous energy.”

The Old Ranger, after three decades of faithful service, was allowed to go east to the big Capital City for the Service’s 100-year anniversary celebration. The Old Ranger, a veteran, proud of his country and his Service, wanted to fly the American flag for the Ceremony. The Assistant Chief angrily and vehemently refused. When the Old Ranger asked her why, the Assistant Chief sneered, “I hate America!” and then said she was only there in Capital City until she could retire and go back to Puerto Rico. This made the Old Ranger very sad.

Soon, the Service became engulfed with unqualified, ignorant, mean, low creatures; bean-counters and bureaucrats and middle-managers. They knew absolutely nothing of the Timber Service’s mission and had zero experience in nor knowledge of its real duties. They fostered something called a bureaucracy, and once introduced it grew and grew, like a cancer cell, gobbling up everything in sight. They generated more and more mindless paperwork to inflict upon their subordinates to justify their existence. A system supposed designed to support field personnel came to hinder them in every way possible and keep them from their actual work. More and more “oppressed” women and minorities were given special treatment and promoted higher and higher, no matter how unqualified or even downright incompetent they were. If they did something so horrible and illegal that it could not go unnoticed, they were given a lateral transfer to somewhere else.

It was obvious to the Old Ranger that the Timber Service was now essentially leaderless, run by drones and hacks that cared only for their own behinds and jobs. The work that the Service was supposed to be doing became the lowest priority, and the lowest-ranking people who did the most actual work, and the type of work that actually benefited the public, were always first to get the axe when budget cuts came along. The Service thought this necessary to throw out the peons so that some third assistant deputy undersecretary could still have the funding to redecorate her office. The remaining workers found themselves chained to a desk and serving a computer instead of out in the forest.

The Service no longer cared for the land or served the people, as it had been created for. The forests were in terrible shape and the people were very unhappy with the meaningless rules and regulations foisted upon them that kept them from utilizing and enjoying their own public lands. Once financially self-sustaining, conscientious, and loved the by the public, the Service became a “for-s***, do-nothing agency” loathed and detested by the Western public.

A Congressional report called the Service “leaderless and adrift”. The Old Ranger agreed. Over his own misgivings, trying to play the game, he hired a young woman for a back-country job that was very, very physically demanding. He told her repeatedly beforehand how tough it was, but she wanted the job. The young woman lasted only two weeks before she couldn't take it anymore. Then, not wishing to hurt her career by just quitting she demanded a full-time office job. When she was denied that, she filed a Civil Rights suit against the Old Ranger for “creating a workplace environment hostile to women.”

On the word of a single person, the Old Ranger was reprimanded, demoted, and sent to another ranger district far from his family and home. Everyone at his old district signed a petition in defense of the Old Ranger and sent it to Capital City. Eventually, those in the Capital City sent an “investigator”. She asked some people some questions, but mainly bitched about how their pissant small town didn’t have proper government-run day care for her children and what a lousy sonofabitch her ex husband was.

Eventually, she completed her investigation and went back to Capital City. A month or two later, the Old Ranger was found to be innocent of the charges against him and was re-instated to his old position. The young woman who had caused the furor was given $20,000 to shut up and go somewhere else.

Soon, when 216 major Government agencies were rated as the best and worst places to work, the Service had plummeted to the Bottom 10, at 206. Good, hard-working, dedicated people who had once loved the Service began to retire or leave as quickly as they could. The “leaders” did not notice. They did notice, and complain about, the fact that they could not get any young people to apply for jobs with the Service.

The only solution the Service “leaders” could come up with was to seek MORE Diversity. They also introduced “Casual Friday”, when Service employees could wear jeans, to improve the abysmal morale. The “leaders”, then viewing all problems fully solved, gave each other big pats on the back and cash rewards.

The Old Ranger watched a woman who had done nothing other than work in a bank get hired and two years later she was a Deputy Forest Supervisor. The Old Ranger was on a selection board to help pick the new district ranger for his district. The people on the board carefully studied the applicants’ qualifications and checked references. Then a man from the Regional Office came in and told them that since there was only one woman applicant, she got the job, and never mind those pesky qualifications.

And so the Old Ranger was sadder than ever. He began to drink heavily and wound up in the gutter. One day, he ate his revolver. That’s how we got our dog Lassie, who was once the Old Ranger’s companion.

But not to worry children. We are getting a new Ranger. She is a Puerto Rican woman with a hyphenated last name, who has never worked for the Service before, and she says she will come up with many new regulations to straighten things out here in Montana, the land, as she condescendingly calls it, of hideous web-footed redneck hillbilly scum.

Lassie! Lassie, where did you get that bottle of cheap whiskey and that revolver!?!? No! Stop!