Thursday, August 01, 2013


photo: Sodahead

Well, we thought the so-called Patriot Act and the formation of the Department of Homeland Security were really bad ideas when Bush Jr. and Company foisted them upon us in the holy name of “sacrificing freedom for security.”
The existing myriad of heavily-armed and semi-unaccountable alphabet soup agencies had all the pieces to the 9/11 puzzle beforehand but the various bloated bureaucracies were all too busy fighting each other over budgets, power and turf to put the pieces together. Well, that and the CIA’s employees were too busy sewing mandatory “Diversity Quilts” to be out gathering intelligence on terrorists.
Shrub’s obvious solution was to create yet another, even larger and more complex heavy-handed bureaucracy so that all the various intelligence agencies could gather under one big Police State umbrella while they squabbled over budgets, power and turf.
Then along came Mr. Socialism himself, Barack Hussein Obama, who did everything he could to make DHS larger, more powerful, less accountable and utterly inefficient. He appointed as Obergruppenfuhrer of the Homeland Security one Janet Incompetano. This choice apparently stemmed solely from her qualifications of (a) having a vagina and (b) being a Liberal.
Obergruppenfuhrer Janet jumped right on board the popular Obama "more-power/less-accountability" bandwagon; she worked hard from the beginning to make DHS virtually irrelevant against actual terrorists, but a huge threat to American citizens and their rights. She immediately made the use of the word “terrorism” verboten in her domain; we only had to worry about “man-caused disasters”. She even ruled out the use of the word “terrorist” until she herself needed to use the word to label American military veterans. Muslims terrorists were pretty much ignored so that Janet’s Gestapo could concentrate on the perilous threat of “Rightwing Extremists” which, under DHS guidelines, went from being just veterans to basically anyone who did not contribute directly to Barack Obama’s campaign. She was never worried about the open floodgates masquerading as our border with Mexico since illegally crossing the border is, again according this attorney's own words, “not a crime per se.” Janet did rake those pesky Canadians over the coals, though, for letting all those 9/11 hijackers into the US, the total number of whom actually came through Canada
Even though she and her ever more powerful groping TSA minions slaved away, and again I quote directly, “24/7, 364 days a year” to keep us all safe, that 365th day when things were left wide open almost proved tragic. Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, cleverly concealing his dangerous rightwing extremist tendencies under a cloak of radical Islamic hatred, was not on any no-fly list or security alert even though his own father, chairman of the First Bank of Nigeria, had personally warned the United States Embassy about his son’s terrorist radicalization. He was able to purchase a one-way ticket in Yemen, with cash, booking a seat specifically over the aircraft’s fuel tank, declaring no baggage, and casually referring to fellow travelers as, “Imperialist Yankee spawn-of-Satan Infidel pig-dogs!”, boarded Northwest Flight 253 unsearched and unflagged by security. Likewise, his transfer in Amsterdam set off no alarm bells. Umar got to the terrorist one-yard line, attempting to detonate the bomb he had concealed in his pants as the plane approached Detroit. Fortunately, his bomb misfired, burning instead of exploding, and civilian airline passengers had to wrestle him to the ground and detain him themselves.
As the story unfolded, Janet patted herself on the back and assured the American flying public they were still perfectly safe because, “The system worked." In fact, she later claimed it worked, "…like clockwork.” Perhaps she meant that it worked like the clockwork in the fizzled bomb in Umar’s underwear.
Her system “worked” just as well in Boston, perhaps not exactly like clockwork, but at least like a “$700 billion security failure.” Sure, maybe the CIA and Russian Intelligence agencies had warned about the terrorists in question, maybe they’d traveled freely back and forth from the US to hotbeds of Muslim terrorism where they disappeared for months at a time, maybe other members of the family were already on terrorist lists, and maybe they’d even posted their terrorist fantasies and intentions on facebook, to include home-made music videos such as I Will Dedicate My Life to Jihad!
But DHS had bigger fish to fry, keeping an eye on veterans and Catholics and the like, and just didn’t have time to look into the matter until after the terrorists actually set off their bombs. Then DHS was all over it like stink on shit, reacting almost instantaneously to close the barn door after the horse was gone, locking down the entire city of Boston in a Martial Law Police State with 9,000 armed agents. Despite flooding the streets with armored vehicles and heavily armed men, shutting down all work and transport in the city, conducting warrantless searches at will, and practicing safe gun handling techniques not seen since the Three Stooges movies, the younger terrorist managed to escape. It finally took the sleuthing skills of an ordinary citizen going out into his backyard to have a smoke (he was later fined by the EPA and the Health Nazis for that) to find the remaining terrorist for the jackboots. Once he was located, the well-trained, professional and calm government agents (who are the only people responsible enough to keep and bear arms) managed to engage in a two-hour gun battle with the terrorist and expend over 200 rounds before discovering that the no one was actually shooting back and that the 19-year-old jihadist was himself unarmed.  
That latest success being seen as a career-crowning achievement she could not hope to top, not even by being completely unable to account for more than a million foreigners who have entered the US, Janet decided recently to step down from her DHS Obergruppenfuhrer position to make room for some new blood in the administration.
Many breathed a sigh of relief. Surely, not even Barack Obama could come up with a new Obergruppenfuhrer worse than Janet. Think again. Being put forth by the Congressional Black Caucus as the top pick for Obergruppenfuhrer II is none other than Texas Congresscritter Sheila Jackson Lee. Oh Sheila is, to put a fine point on it, pretty much a complete moron. This is the woman who doesn’t know the difference between Korea and Vietnam, even when giving a lengthy speech on the subject, and who, perhaps more alarmingly, doesn’t know the difference between the Moon and Mars. Mixing up a country or two I can see, but entire planets?!?!
Oh Sheila is right in line with Janet when it comes to ferreting out the real Enemy of the State. That enemy was not Venezuelan Commie Dictator Hugo Chavez, whom she wanted our country to sell F-16s to. It was not rogue state terrorism-sponsor Syrian President Bashar Assad, whom the Congresscritter invited to come speak in Texas. It certainly wasn’t Assistant Attorney General Tom Perez when he ran the DOJ’s Civil Rights Division which, “...perversely abused the civil rights of Americans, abused the fiscal trust of the taxpayers and abused the rule of law.” Among his other accomplishments, Perez could find no wrong-doing in Black Panthers conducting voter intimidation at the polls, and was noted for fighting tooth and nail against individual states who sought voting law reform, to include seeking to purge the voter rolls of dead people. Not allowing the deceased to vote was a big violation of their civil rights, according to Perez. Especially in Chicago. It should come as no surprise that Oh Sheila led the charge to defend this Great American against the racist Republican slurs besmirching his integrity.
No sirree, Bawb. Sheila knows the real threat to this country is Whitey and his racism and, as a former slave herself, she knows about it personally and intimately. “I stand here as a freed slave because this congress came together!” Sheila’s only apparent strength as a black leader is her ability to…convincingly, mind you…accuse anyone or anything of being racist. She has railed against incipient racism (and I’m not making this up) found in hurricanes, Pepsi commercials, Secret Service agents, a balanced budget and of course those Tea Party bastards, who are obviously extensions of the KKK because they wear, “…uh, clothing with a name.” Sheila or Barry going on about “clothing with a name” strikes me as rather like the pot calling the kettle black. Ooops, using that old expression is now a racist Hate Crime. I supposed I can expect a DHS tank through my front wall very soon.
It’s bad enough that Oh Sheila is dumber than a box of rocks, but we must also add to the volatile mix arrogance, conceit and narcissism…hey, I guess I am starting to understand what Barry might see in her. Year after year, Lee has beaten her 534 Congressional colleagues hands down as “the Worst Boss in Washington” and also enjoys the highest turn-over rate in staffers of any Congress-critter. One former staffer said working for her was like serving a tour in Iraq and another said, “People don’t tell the worst of the stories, because they’re really unbelievable.” Oh Sheila’s favorite pet nickname for staffers, oft repeated and at the top of her lungs, is, “You stupid motherf*****!”
A few more direct quotes from the queen show that while no one else might think much of her, she has more than enough admiration for herself to go around.
“I’m Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee! Who do you think you are?”
“You don’t understand. I am a queen, and I demand to be treated like a queen!”
“Don’t you know who I am? I’m Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee! Where is my seafood meal! I know it was ordered!”
“What? What did you say to me? Who are you, the Congresswoman? You haven’t been elected! You don’t set up meetings with me! I tell you! You know what? You are the most unprofessional person I have ever met in my life!”
Whoa! Down, Sheila! That last quote kind of puts us back in the pot calling the kettle black territory again.
Yikes! An armored DHS MRAP carrying a heavily-armed SWAT team just crushed the front deck on my house. I gotta go! But I guess we can conclude from this that “the system” will still “work like clockwork” under a new Obergruppenfuhrer, even one as dumb as Oh Sheila.

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