MARXIST LIES MATTER

CNS: This is M. T. Talking Head of CNS coming to you with a live interview of Eileen Left, co-founder of the peaceful, non-political social justice group Marxist Lies Matter. Comrade Eileen, welcome. Could you tell our viewers what the main goal of your organization is?

CNS: Um, let’s say you had a list of demands, expressed elsewhere. Justice, wrongs that you want righted, that sort of thing. What would you do if President Trump personally and unconditionally granted all of these demands?

MLM: BURN!

CNS: For our loyal viewers who wish to support your glorious cause, what do you encourage them to do to show their solidarity?

MLM: BURN!

CNS: In another interview, you proudly and openly said of yourself and your organization, quote “We are trained Marxists.” End quote. Despite our best efforts here in the media, along with the even more heroic work by our comrades in America's educational institutes, there still remain a few die-hard right-wing fanatics who were awake for at least brief periods during the previous century. They still seem to want to put some kind of negative connotation on Communism just because of 100 million dead and gulags and killing fields and tanks in the streets. What do you say to critics who might question the Marxist connection?

MLM: If any white person questions us for any reason, we just accuse them of being a racist, and racists must BURN!

CNS: Of course. And we here in the media will immediately and endlessly repeat that like parrots. But what if, perchance, a person of color questions your motives?

MLM: No person of color would ever question our motives, because if they did, we would accuse them of being an “Uncle Tom” and therefore a racist, who must BURN!

CNS: Naturally. We’ll echo that as well. And I’m sure when you achieve power you won’t forget your pals in media.

MLM: You will be swept up in the first purges, disposed of in the camps, and replaced with our own people. Right along with the intelligentsia.

CNS: What?!? Us?!?!

MLM: Yes, you. That’s how Communist insurgencies work. But in this case, if you ever mention my previous statement again, we will accuse you of being a racist and you will BURN!!  

CNS: A fair and peaceful response, as always. Any final comments?

MLM: BURN!

CNS: There you have it folks, direct from the assistant co-founder of MLM. Definitely not Marxists and dedicated entirely to peaceful protest in the name of justice. And remember, don’t believe what you see and hear personally. Believe exactly what we tell you to believe. After all, raw news and actual information are just too difficult and dangerous for the masses to comprehend without first going through a good professional journalistic filter!

CNS: Next up, CNS’s own Doctor Sanjay Kumhar Sihng will relate the health benefits that self-flagellation can bring to white people.