HURRY! HURRY! STEP RIGHT UP TO SEE THE POWER OF DR. FEELGOOD'S MAGIC DIVERSITY ELIXOIR!

As always when working for a huge bloated inefficient government entity, I am re-learning all about Civil Rights. In fact, I became a Civil Rights Rep, mainly because I was out doing actual work when they had a meeting to pick one.

One would think a Constitutionalist like myself would be all about Civil Rights. And I am. All men are created equal under God. I always try to judge each individual I meet by his or her own merits, not by what group they belong to, with the exception of bureaucrats and Hillary supporters. My copy of Webster's Dictionary and even Wickapedia defined Civil Rights about like I do; there's a whole pesky bunch of INDIVIDUAL RIGHTS that are known collectively as CIVIL RIGHTS in that pesky old document known as the BILL OF RIGHTS.

Well, that ain't the way Civil Rights work in the Federal Alphabet Soup Bureaucracy. The Bill of Rights and the U.S. Constitution do not concern the powers-that-be; in fact, many of them are verbotten. Earlier this year, a certain tree-related Federal agency spent close to a million dollars having an outside firm "study" it's problems. The almost universal consensus of the employees anonymously studied was that, "The Agency is adrift and leaderless." Caring for the land and serving the people had long since gone out the window. Nobody actually even knew what the agency's mission even was these days. Facilities, programs and workers that might in any way be of some benefit to the public were being cut (field-going permanent employees down 24%, field-going seasonal workers down 42%) while the positions for useless bureaucrats in distant offices are expanding exponentially. We receive numerous emails from above shouting in alarm because the agency cannot get bright young, or even dim young, college kids to show any interest in government jobs with us. A once well-respected and productive agency has become, in the words of a colleague, a "For-shit, do-nothing organization" which is increasingly held in contempt and even hatred by the Western public.

Not to worry! The new Chief is on the ball. In something eerily right out of Atlas Shrugged, she hath decreed that all our problems can be effortlessly solved in one fell swoop by simply adding more diversity to the workforce!

This is the current definition of Civil Rights. Some in our organization are even flying teams of outreach recruiters down to the American Southwest to beg Hispanics to apply for jobs with us. We need to do more "out-reaches". We must hire more "diverse" candidates whether or not they are even remotely qualified for the position. We must make people who live in warm and sunny Arizona and So-Cal "feel at home" in the frozen wastes Alaska, Montana, and Idaho. An Alaska workforce of natives and whites may represent perfectly the demographics of Alaska, but it does not represent the demographics of the United States as a whole, which is an intolerable situation. Boil it all down and the individual need not change anything to fit into the agency; the rest of the population of the entire organization needs to change to kiss the individual's butt. And if that still doesn't work, I suppose "Shanghai-ing" diverse candidates from waterfront bars is the next step.

Of course, no one can or is even trying to explain just exactly how a more "diverse" workforce will suddenly solve all our problems, make manna fall from heaven, and cure male pattern baldness all in one fell swoop. That's because, obviously, it won't have any effect whatsoever. But the powers-that-be have latched onto a SOLUTION, an idiotic one to be sure, and perhaps a solution in search of a problem, but by God it will be implemented.

Meanwhile, the flushing sound continues and the water swirls dangerously low in bowl.