Monday, June 09, 2008


I keep being told that the messiah of modulation, Barack Hussein Obama, is all about change. Change, change, change. So I decided to look into Senator Obama’s brilliant career, Congressional record, and deeply-held Beliefs-of-the-Day to delve into his ingenious plans for all this wonderful “change”. You’re not going to find out his past record from the Mainstream Media, who continue to pelt Obama with tough, insightful questions like, “If you were a fluffy bunny, would you be utterly adorable or just very cuddly?”

First off, he’s a lawyer. Ohhh, big change there. We just don’t have enough lawyers in government. The first thing that struck me about Obama’s actual Congressional record was his steadfast devotion to duty…he only failed to vote on 166 of the issues that came before him during his tenure as Senator. That includes a record of 0 out of 4 votes on housing & property issues, and 0 out of 3 on indigenous peoples issues, and 1 out of 4 votes on abortion.

Mr. “It’s time to put an end to the say-anything-to-win politics” panders to Left Coast Big City Liberals by calling those of us here in Fly-Over Country bitter, racist gun-totin’ Jesus freaks one day, and the next he’s pandering to the Heartland on issues he has absolutely no clue about…family farms, agriculture, hunting and fishing, and gun ownership…even though he happened to miss 5 out of 6 votes on agriculture issues during his tenure in the Senate. In his campaign he vows to “shine the light” on Federal Contracts, yet the National Association of Government Contractors gives him 100% for supporting them with his actual voting record in Congress.

He vows to bring about tax relief for the middle class. What a great change! We’ve only heard that one from about every politician who’s lived in the past 40 years. Mr. “real change in Washington” received an “F” grade from the National Taxpayer’s Union and Americans for Tax Reform, and Citizens Against Government Waste says he supports their agenda a whopping 13% of the time.

The state of American education is a joke. His complaint with the “No Child Left Behind” act, which I have yet to hear one good word about from any actual teacher, is that it doesn’t go far enough. His obvious solution to our poor public indoctrination, er, I mean education system is to throw even more tax money at the problem. What a change! No one’s ever though of that before. Even though in some school districts, as much as $20,000 per year per student is being spent, with the average being around $12,000. Only more tax money can solve the problem.

Universal Health Care is a heavy club in his big ol’ golf bag of change. Even that’s not new. Remember Hillary in the Clintons' first term? Anyway, I can’t find any authority whatsoever in the Constitution for to provide health care in the first place, but we’ll put aside the Law of the Land for a moment. Government has hideously screwed up each and every mandate is has ever been given by our living, growing, morphing, ameba-like Constitution. Welfare? Ninety cents on the dollar goes right back to the government itself for “administration”. Disaster Relief? See FEMA. Health care? See the VA. Anyone who really wants Universal Health Care should be forced to go to a VA hospital to get treated for hemorrhoids. Two years later, when the treatment is finally given, if they survive, they would no doubt have a different opinion on this wonderful change.

Of course he's going to "save the planet", a fresh new change we never ever heard before from Al Gore.

Other changes include efforts to protect people too stupid to manage their own finances from credit card companies. Hey, if the government can’t be held responsible for putting us 9-1/2 trillion in debt, why should John Q. Public be required to spend less than he actually earns? Barack promises to “save Social Security”, a change no one has ever thought of or heard uttered ever before, well, at least no more than 100,000 times or so every campaign year. He’s going to make sure no one can “opt out” for privatization; you can’t be trusted with your own retirement money. Never mind the fact that the government itself, almost entirely under the Democrats, has stolen and pissed away all the Social Security money in the first place. If we give them more control of the money, and more of it, they will make it all better.

I’m still looking for the actual change. We have yet another lawyer, known for their integrity as judged by approximately 20,000 lawyer jokes. We have a regurgitation of Mario Cuomo in 1984 and Hillary Clinton in 1994. We have the same old tired clich├ęs, the same campaign promises that have been broken every election for as long as I’ve been alive. We have a vow to get rid of “say-anything-to-win politics”, while he says anything to win. We have a few pie-in-the-sky programs that are probably bad ideas to begin with and absolutely no way to pay for them.

Meanwhile, no real issues are even being addressed. The United States Constitution, the Law of the Land, is being completely ignored. We are universally despised around the globe. We are trillions in debt; the Comptroller General of the Government Accounting Office recently quit with an alarm call that we can no longer sustain our debt-based spending system. Our monetary system is floundering and the dollar is on the verge of becoming worthless overseas, and here as well, so our “leaders” just print more un-backed paper money, just like the Weimar Republic. The economy is faltering as well, auto plants are closing down, jobs are going overseas. We are being over-run with people from Third World countries, and turning into one ourselves. We are sliding quickly down the slippery slope into an Orwellian socialist police state.

We have already pissed away our last real chance for change, as no one wanted to hear his message. This “new” Barack message of just repeating the word “change” over and over again does not actually equate to any real change no matter how many times you say it. Like Clara Peller in that old Wendy’s commercial (“Where’s the beef?”) I have to ask, “Where’s the change?”

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