Friday, August 29, 2008

Night of the Living Dead In Denver

The Democrats kicked their convention off to a rousing start when a white-haired cadaver with the voice of Kermit The Frog approached the podium to speak. Of course I'm speaking of former-Iowan, former-Republican, former-congressman, former-somebody, Jim Leach. He served as one of Iowa's U.S. Representatives as a "Republican In Name Only" until the voters in his district replaced this wannabe Democrat with a REAL Democrat.

I tried to watch his speech on You Tube, but it was so damned boring I just couldn't finish. During the little bit that I did watch, I kept hoping that they'd occasionally cut to a couple of grumpy old men in the balcony who would mock and laugh at him. (How about Dick Cheney and Fred Thompson?) No such luck. I had to read the transcript instead of watching, in order to stay awake.

Kermit, I mean, Jim did make a few good points. Bashing the Republicans he said, "And the party historically anchored in fiscal restraint has nearly doubled the national debt[...]." Very true Jim! But I don't see how respect for fiscal restraint would drive you into the arms of the Democrats who've never even pretended to give a crap about it. Jim also blamed this increased debt on Bush's tax cuts, not the obscene spending increases. Wrongo!

The Democrats followed up on this ribbiting... I mean riveting speech with a 10-minute silent closeup of a warm bowl of oatmeal slowly congealing. Good television! If Jim ever gets on national television again, I hope he spices it up by singing "Rainbow Connection" or something.

In other news this week: Democrat Barack Obama and Republican John McCain announced their picks for vice president. Balancing their respective tickets Obama and McCain both picked V.P.s that are what they are not. Obama picked an old, white man and McCain picked a conservative Republican.

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