Cabinet Posts

Although the election isn't over yet, it's never too early to start speculating about who the presidential candidates might appoint to their cabinets if elected. I have a few possible candidates for some of the posts.

Barack Obama Administration-

Secretary of Homeland Security:

Bill Ayers

Secretary of Defense:

Cindy Sheehan

Secretary of Veterans Affairs:

Jane Fonda

Department of Justice:

Barney Fife

Secretary of Treasury:

An exhumed Karl Marx

Lesser Posts-

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms:

Ted Kennedy (Alcohol Division), Bill Clinton (Stoogie Division), Sarah Brady (Firearms Division)

John McCain Administration-

(All federal agencies will be consolidated under the control of the newly formed "Department of Offense," thereby requiring only one cabinet post.)

Secretary of Offense (formerly Defense):

Either McCain himself, or the WOPR supercomputer from the movie "War Games"

Did I leave out any possible candidates? Your suggestions are appreciated.

Sarah Palin On SNL

I rather enjoyed this skit with Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live.

WHO WON THE DEBATE? WHO CARES.

OK, here's the mandatory "who won the debate" column, featuring the above photo of the two Presidential candidates duking it out. No, wait, those are kangroos, and thus much smarter and higher on the food chain than the two candidates.

I must confess I could not make it through the entire "presidential" debate myself. I was in an out, doing important stuff like reloading some .30-06 and/or picking my nose. I couldn't stand to just sit and watch for fear of losing my cookies or my mind.

The few things that I did notice was that one did not have to check McCain for a pulse this go-round. He even got in a few zingers, like "Senator Government". Some (namely the Drive-by Media) complained about his "mean-spirited" attacks in regards to Obama's pal, mentor, and possible ghost writer former violent terrorist/current educational terrorist Bill Ayers. Then again, Juan wouldn't need to even bring it up if the talking heads spent approximately 1/150th of the time on that story as they did on the horrors of "Troopergate". At least Palin's state troopers are still above ground, which is more than one can say for the troopers who worked the Arkansas governor's detail awhile back.

Obama said nothing, as usual, but dang he says it so well. So, 95% of us will get a tax cut???? Oh, and yeah, the sun will always shine and the sky will be filled with bluebirds and butterflies atop the Big Rock Candy Mountain. He wants to be and do everything for everybody, never mind we can't pay for the BS programs we have now, and keeps beating the same old "class envy" drum we've heard for how many decades now? Government is our saviour, government will fix everything. It would seem that the "Trickle Down Economics" of the Reagan Administration would be replaced with Obama's fiscal policy of "Trickle Up Poverty".

The handful of Republicans I know who will still admit to being such have long been wondering when McCain was going to "go on the offensive". I can see why all he had to go on the offense with was Barack's long line of shady/crazy/terrorist/muslim/socialist wacko "acquaintances". Just imagine if Juan really did go on the attack about the issues.

MCCAIN: You're against the Second Amendment and support more gun control!

OBAMA: You're the one who wanted to ban the private sale of firearms.

MCCAIN: You helped bail out bloated irresponsible lending institutions on the taxpayer's dime.

OBAMA: You did too. Twice. Remember the S&L Scandal of the 80's?

MCCAIN: You would allow a flood of more illegal aliens into the country.

OBAMA: Oh, come on. That one is tooo easy.

So, I doubt the big debate changed many minds. We won't know about this one till the fat lady sings. The polls have been notoriously inaccurate previous to presidential elections about as long as I have been alive. Of course, it doesn't help with the media meatheads always trying to skew the polls with unanswerable questions like, "Have you stopped beating your wife yet?"

It would be nice to see the media's blatant Obama pandering blow up in their faces. I'm starting to hear people saying they're not voting for McCain but voting against the mainstream media. I gotta admit I would find that pretty hilarious.

Either way, whoever won the debate and whoever wins the election, we lose. But both sides have been destroying this country brick by brick for better than thirty years anyway. So we're just gonna go hunting and camping, visit family this winter, and keep our faith in the One who's really in charge.

NOW THAT'S FUNNY

Now that's funny. I don't care who ya are.

An Open Letter To The NRA

Apparently unswayed by my eloquent letter explaining why they should NOT endorse John McCain for president, the NRA did it anyway. Forgoing any more frilly words, I sent them the following curt letter. Hopefully they'll get enough letters from ticked-off members that they'll stop selling out.

Dear NRA:

I am writing to express my EXTREME displeasure at your recent endorsement of Senator McCain for president. McCain is a traitor to the Second Amendment (as well as most of the rest of the Constitution). He does not deserve to endorsed by the NRA.

I will not quit the NRA, although I'm tempted. However, you will receive NO donations from me for the rest of the year. Not to the NRA, not to the NRA-ILA, not to the NRA-PVF. I don't want any of MY money going to that traitorous sonofabitch John McCain.

You will lose many members over your support of this back-stabbing bastard. Do you happen to have the address for Gun Owners of America? I understand that they don't compromise their member's freedom.

Sincerely,
Ben

V.P. Debate

I've been a political junkie my whole adult life, but in this election I haven't watched any of the debates or anything because, for the first time, I truly and honestly don't care who wins the presidency. I think the republic will be doomed by an Obama or a McCain win. I'm voting for Bob Barr, but I know darned well that it's just a protest vote.

Since there wasn't anything good on tv, I did catch some of the vice presidential debate on Thursday night. Most of what I did see was while I was playing the board game Cariboo (a "magical treasure hunt game") with my two-year-old son, so I couldn't hear a lot of it. After putting the boy to bed, I was able to give Palin and Biden's closing comments my full attention. Therefore I feel that I can offer my enlightened analysis of the debate.

After years of careful study, I've developed several methods by which I evaluate each candidate. It's very interesting to see how each one stacks up based on the methodology. Here goes:

The "Who Would You Rather Bone?" Method: Governor Palin was the clear winner in this category. This issue is very important to me and I felt like Senator Biden wasn't even trying to sway my stance. Slacks with low heels? So last season Joseph!

The "Who Would Win In A Fistfight" Method: Palin again! I can picture Biden curled up on a sawdust floor, shrieking like a woman, trying to shield himself with his briefcase as Palin rains down blows on him. Now there'd be a debate people would watch.

The "Who Would You Rather Go Moose Hunting With?" Method: In a surprise upset, Biden walked away with this category. This is mostly because Sarah Palin is probably a much better marksman and woodsman than I am and my delicate male ego couldn't take being made to look like a chump.

The "Who Has The Most 'Experience' Destroying The Nation and It's Constitution" Method: Senator Biden comes out on top here. With 35 years in the U.S. Senate, which has screwed up nearly every element of the country that has crossed through its sphere of influence (from the economy to foreign relations), in every way that can be measured, Biden has much, much more experience than Palin. Palin's state of Alaska doesn't even have a single trillion dollars of debt, much less 10 trillion like the federal government (9 of which came about while Biden was in the Senate, controlling the purse strings). You'll have to try harder Governor!

While taking a few lumps, Palin performed better than the liberal media pundits had envisioned, since she didn't spit no "tabacky" juice or pause to squat-birth another kid during the debate. Even though Palin did better than expected, "the old pro" Joe Biden can still hold his own... and from what I've heard, he often does. (Hey! Can I get a rimshot here?)

In my humble opinion the real winner of the evening was my son, who managed to find ALL of the rubber balls hidden within the gameboard and thereby opened the magical treasure chest. The smile on his face means more to me than who wins or loses this bullshit election.