Friday, October 03, 2008

V.P. Debate

I've been a political junkie my whole adult life, but in this election I haven't watched any of the debates or anything because, for the first time, I truly and honestly don't care who wins the presidency. I think the republic will be doomed by an Obama or a McCain win. I'm voting for Bob Barr, but I know darned well that it's just a protest vote.

Since there wasn't anything good on tv, I did catch some of the vice presidential debate on Thursday night. Most of what I did see was while I was playing the board game Cariboo (a "magical treasure hunt game") with my two-year-old son, so I couldn't hear a lot of it. After putting the boy to bed, I was able to give Palin and Biden's closing comments my full attention. Therefore I feel that I can offer my enlightened analysis of the debate.

After years of careful study, I've developed several methods by which I evaluate each candidate. It's very interesting to see how each one stacks up based on the methodology. Here goes:

The "Who Would You Rather Bone?" Method: Governor Palin was the clear winner in this category. This issue is very important to me and I felt like Senator Biden wasn't even trying to sway my stance. Slacks with low heels? So last season Joseph!

The "Who Would Win In A Fistfight" Method: Palin again! I can picture Biden curled up on a sawdust floor, shrieking like a woman, trying to shield himself with his briefcase as Palin rains down blows on him. Now there'd be a debate people would watch.

The "Who Would You Rather Go Moose Hunting With?" Method: In a surprise upset, Biden walked away with this category. This is mostly because Sarah Palin is probably a much better marksman and woodsman than I am and my delicate male ego couldn't take being made to look like a chump.

The "Who Has The Most 'Experience' Destroying The Nation and It's Constitution" Method: Senator Biden comes out on top here. With 35 years in the U.S. Senate, which has screwed up nearly every element of the country that has crossed through its sphere of influence (from the economy to foreign relations), in every way that can be measured, Biden has much, much more experience than Palin. Palin's state of Alaska doesn't even have a single trillion dollars of debt, much less 10 trillion like the federal government (9 of which came about while Biden was in the Senate, controlling the purse strings). You'll have to try harder Governor!

While taking a few lumps, Palin performed better than the liberal media pundits had envisioned, since she didn't spit no "tabacky" juice or pause to squat-birth another kid during the debate. Even though Palin did better than expected, "the old pro" Joe Biden can still hold his own... and from what I've heard, he often does. (Hey! Can I get a rimshot here?)

In my humble opinion the real winner of the evening was my son, who managed to find ALL of the rubber balls hidden within the gameboard and thereby opened the magical treasure chest. The smile on his face means more to me than who wins or loses this bullshit election.


Bawb said...

I couldn't make it through the whole debate. Biden was a typical slimy, greasy politician. Yeah, I'm sure he hangs out down at the filling station discussing the economy with Gomer and Goober or chats with folks at the lumber yard about health care, or whatever he claimed. Did anyone else see those wavy little odor clouds rising up from him and all his BS?

OTOH, Sarah Barracuda has obviously been coached by the sleazy RNC handlers. Enough with "maverick", "moderate" "reaches across the aisle" and "plays well with Deomocrats". I can't believe the RNC STILL hasn't figured out the base wants Conservatism and not Liberalism Lite.

They should make a movie about this election starring Jim Carey and Jeff Daniels.

Anonymous said...

How about one more category? Most likely imitate Dick Cheney in an attempt to usurp powers from other branches of government: This goes to Palin for her statement that the founding fathers were wise enough to leave plenty of flexibility to allow the Vice President to exercise powers within the legislative branch. This seemed to me one of Palin's few unscripted comments of the evening, and a frightening glimpse into Sarah Barracuda's mind. She does not know much about the Constitution, the founding fathers' wisdom (in my high school civics class, checks and balances and the separation of powers were stressed, but maybe this was not the case in any of Sarah Palin's schools), or the Supreme Court (at least she did not claim VP authority over the justices). What she does understand is political maneuvering and power grabs. I am convinced she will continue to rise in her political career, and John McCain is just a rung on her ladder.

Yes, Joe Biden can be pompous and talk too much and those whitened teeth were over the top, but knows which branch of government the executive branch sits in. I am not entirely convinced that he hangs out at Home Depot, but he does take public transportation (the train) to and from work, so he gets at least a couple hours with middle-class working stiffs.

Ben said...

I forgot to mention Biden's pearly whites in my first category. Thank you for reminding me, ntwr!

I don't think any of the four Republicrats in the race for Prez/V.P. know much about the Constitution or "the founding fathers' wisdom." Screw'em.