Sunday, February 06, 2011

Time To Take Back Our Streets!

Lunchtime at Steak 'N Shake should be a time for peacefully masticating mouthfuls of delicious vittles, but for diners in Evansville Indiana on Thursday, their lunch became a violent nightmare that is becoming all too familiar in modern-day America.  A man wielding a deadly implement suddenly burst into the restaurant and sent eight of the hapless patrons to the hospital with injuries.  The man wasn't wielding an "Uzi" or even an "AK-47" (the only two known types of firearm), he crashed into the restaurant with his "motor vehicle" (or "vehicle" for short) when the 86-year-old mistook his gas pedal for the brake.

The epidemic of vehicle violence is turning our once hunky-dory nation into a festering bag of puke!  According to the latest online statistics that I could find without much effort, there are about 33,000 people killed in motor vehicle accidents every year.  Compare that with about 642 accidental gun deaths and you see the scope of the problem.  It's clear that mere licensing and registration of vehicles is not enough, politicians need to quit being wussies and implement a complete ban!

Unfortunately, such bold but necessary action is not likely forthcoming.  Our government has entered into an unholy alliance with automakers (big car) and are kept in check by a powerful car lobby (like the AAA).  The Obama administration is so infatuated with automobiles that they took over a car maker of their own and have promised an emphasis on building small, fuel-efficient shitbox cars that will surely cause a rise in highway fatalities.

The vehicle lobby spews its venomous message of "a car in every garage" and continues to encourage the use of these destructive devices by children as young as 16.  (Some states allow their use by children as young as 14, while parents watch complacently.) 

If you don't think that the vehicle lobby is out of control, consider the chilling responses I got from William "Bud" Anderson who works for AAA, one of the nation's largest vehicle extremist groups, during a recent telephone interview:

Anderson:  Groundskeeping department; this is Bud.
Me:  How can you f**king extremists justify allowing civilian automobile ownership when there are over 30,000 vehicular deaths every year?
Anderson: [Long pause.] Are you high on something, fella?
Me:  Vicodin and Wild Turkey.  And I'm not wearing any pants.
Anderson:  Is this that creepy blog guy again?
Me: [Coyly]  I'dunno.
Anderson:  You need to leave me alone or I'm gonna call the police.
Me:  If you control the grammar you control the world, Bud.  I am the trumpeteer of our destiny!
Anderson:  [Clattering sound of a telephone receiver being put hurriedly back onto the cradle.]

How can you reason with an organization so rigidly entrenched in its own twisted dogma?

While a ban on vehicles in unlikely at this time, there are a few common-sense measures that those of us who are smarter and more compassionate than the unwashed masses can demand that Congress enact now, while we bide our time.  Here they are:

Common Sense Measure #1: Ban the sale of military-style "assault vehicles" except to appropriate military and law enforcement groups.  Vehicles such as the "Jeep" and "Hummer" were designed for military use and have no legitimate civilian use.

Common Sense Measure #2: Limit the capacity of all civilian vehicles to 10 miles per hour or less.  The only reason someone would want to go faster than that is to kill people!

Common Sense Measure #3:  Shutdown so-called "car shows" where knuckle-dragging troglodytes go to ogle the latest (and most lethal) machinery of destruction.

These laws could all be enacted under the authority of the U.S. Constitution's "general welfare" and "interstate commerce" clauses, two provisions that the framers included in the Constitution that conveniently negate the entire rest of the document. 

If Congress enacts all of these things I still won't be satisfied, but it would be a decent start.  Let's do it for the children.  I can't wait to tell Bud!


Jim Fryar said...

Bawb, have you had a think about offering this to the Cube. I would love to see the responses of Red Square and co to this sort of thing. Mate, you'd be a star.

Bawb said...

Sorry Jim. This masterpiece belongs to Ben.

I would like to, however, point out this story from PMSNBC, "Slips and falls in the tub and shower are sending injured U.S. kids to the emergency room at a surprising rate — 120 daily — with most injuries occurring in children under 4 years old, a new study finds."

My God. I ask you when will the government step in and ban all bathtubs to end this senseless slaughter?!?!?

Jim Fryar said...

Sorry Ben, I didn't check the poster.

I just assumed it was Bawb as on rare occasions I have noticed a slight tendency towards mild exaggeration in some of his posts. This one is a ripper.

I wouldn't have much luck with a family blog as my siblings have different ideas to mine. They tend to be spread across the entire part of the political spectrum that comes between Marxist and hard line socialist. My ideas are viewed by them as a bit extreme.

Bawb, the bathtub thing sounds like a serious issue, almost as dangerous as privately owned cars. Your campaign against guns should probably go on the back burner until you get this sorted.

Ben said...

Thanks Jim. Bawb does tend to exaggerate, doesn't he?

Ben said...
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