Well, OF COURSE I had to rush right out and buy one of these Obama action figures before Chris Matthews snapped them all up. It was a real bargain too, at only $39,999,999.95, or roughly 23 Chinese Yuan. Let me tell you, technology in kids’ toys has sure come a long way since I had my old GI Joe with the cloth clothing, plastic foot locker and realistic M1 Garand rifle. The new high-tech features and accessories of the Obama SEAL doll are just incredible. Below is just a partial list of them.
Spring-loaded back enables him to bow to Muslim world leaders with the push of a button.
Super “Media Leg-Tingler” Ray.
Realistic voice module fitted with “Meaningless Platitude Generator”.
“Chameleon Mode” gives him the power to change himself from Muslim to Christian to Kenyan to Indonesian to American to black to white at will, whenever he can get some personal benefit out of it.
“Limp Wrist” action prevents him from bitterly clinging to his assault rifle.
Deer-in-the-Headlights Eyes glow whenever he’s asked to make an actual decision.
Knee-Jerk Reaction Mode instantly lays the blame on Conservatives and talk radio for any tragedy.
Super Backpack Money Gun enables him to heroically spew billions of dollars at any problem, real or imagined.
Document-Freeze Executive Order Ray.
Pants interchangeable with Michelle Obama doll.
Translator Mode allows him to apologize for the United States in all 57 languages.
Universal Health Care (batteries and funding not included).
Multiple Voter Registration Cards.
Bill Ayers Sidekick doll with spring-arm bomb-throwing action.
50,000 pairs of special media rose-colored glasses.
Coupon for a free taxpayer-funded abortion.
A pack of Marlboros.