Monday, February 25, 2013


Oh no! There's no election with a (D) candidate in sight, you're down to your last half a pack of free DNC-brand smokes and your next check doesn't come until the end of the month. What to do, what to do?

Don't worry your useless little mouths, liberal friends. Hope is here again! You can earn $9-$11 per hour as a Paid Demonstrator! While not quite as lucrative as our Paid Multiple Voter positions, Paid Demonstrators can look forward to work year-round, even during non-election years. Benefits include free bus rides, left-over election cigarettes, cheap liquor of your choice, and various "spontaneous" signs, placards and T-shirts you can take home to wear/live under. Particularly unruly participants may be eligible for our extended all-you-can-loot benefits package. We are an equal-opportunity employer and do not discriminate on the basis of race, gender, faith (except Christian), intelligence, disability, incoherence, or personal hygiene. Conservatives of any race or gender need not apply. All earnings are, of course, tax free although our labor union representative Vito the Grinder will be there to strongly encourage donations to the SEIU Charity Fund. Just look for the guy with a purple suit and no neck.

So, when fraudulent voting just isn't enough, think Paid Protestor!

(Hey Ben, maybe you and the family can head up to Chicago next weekend and make a little extra bread?)

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