I BE EDUCATIN'

I tell ya, you try to broaden your horizons a little bit, think outside the box, and do something different, and your own brother starts sending you boxes of tampons just because you enjoyed Mamma Mia! I sure hope he doesn't find out about that Irish Lord of the Dance thing in Butte tonight.

So I better get back to snarking about and ridiculing Barry's cabinet picks. The whole flippin' town of Kooksville is being relocated to Sodom on Potomac to help the Big O "rule" (his word, not mine) these here United States.

Now we have the brilliant cronie Arne Duncan, the genius who runs the fine education establishments that are the Chicago Publik Skools, appointed as Education Secretary. Quite a bit of Constitutional doubt exists on whether we should even have a Department of Education, but we'll go down that rabbit trail some other time.

By spending a trifling $10,550 per student per year under the sagacious leadership of Duncen, er, I mean Duncan, Chicago Publik Skools managed to teach a whopping 17% of their 8th grade students to read at an 8th grade level, down only one percentage point from 2005. Also in 2007, 13% of the same kids could meet grade-appropriate math scores, and 23% could write legibly.

But even as he made these heroic reforms and improvements, he still had time to support and approve plans to establish special homosexual high schools for Chicago's youts.

Just as Billy Jeff Clinton vowed to do for America what he did for Arkansas, Barry and his minions vow to do for us what they did for Chicago.

Now if we could just figure out a way to put the Big 3 automakers out of business forever with asinine green emission standards, making cars no one wants to sell to unemployed people who can't buy them. Whoops, never mind, I see they got that covered too.


Is it just me, or did anyone else hear a giant sucking sound?