Saturday, March 13, 2010

Yes, Massa!

New York Representative Eric Massa has been forced to resign from office over charges of sexual harassment. Massa claims that he is being forced out by high-ranking Democrats because he didn't support the President's healthcare "reform" bill. Even if this guy is a kook, he gave too many great quotes bashing his fellow Democrats for me to ignore.

Firstly, Massa's "sex scandal" involves getting drunk and saying he should be "fracking" a male staffer at a wedding reception. (For no reason in particular, I will now point out that Massa honorably served this great nation in the U.S. Navy. Not the Army or Marine Corps mind you, but the Navy. Yah feelin' me homes?) If only Massa had supported his party he probably could have sodomized and killed a 10-year-old Cub Scout and not lost his job, and maybe get promoted too, but I digress.

Massa's sharpest criticism went to White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, who Massa called the "son of the devil's spawn." Referring to Emanuel as a "power-hungry a**hole," the Prince of Darkness, Satan, quickly issued a press release disavowing any kinship between himself and Emanuel. "Rahm and I have worked together on many occasions," Satan's press release stated in part, "and, yes, we once were lovers. But Rahm is NOT related to me and I do not wish to be associated with him."

Massa said of Emanuel: "He is an individual who would sell his mother to get a vote. He would strap his children to a front end of a steam locomotive."

Massa also recounts and odd encounter with Emanuel in the Congressional shower room. "I'm sitting there showering, naked as a jaybird, and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn't gonna vote for the president's budget," Massa said. "Do you know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man? ... It's ridiculous." He continued, "By the way, what the heck is he doing in the congressional gym? He goes there to intimidate members of Congress."

As Bawb is fond of saying, we just can't make this stuff up folks. (Well, maybe the Devil's press release.)

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