Thursday, October 09, 2008
An Open Letter To The NRA
Apparently unswayed by my eloquent letter explaining why they should NOT endorse John McCain for president, the NRA did it anyway. Forgoing any more frilly words, I sent them the following curt letter. Hopefully they'll get enough letters from ticked-off members that they'll stop selling out.
Dear NRA:
I am writing to express my EXTREME displeasure at your recent endorsement of Senator McCain for president. McCain is a traitor to the Second Amendment (as well as most of the rest of the Constitution). He does not deserve to endorsed by the NRA.
I will not quit the NRA, although I'm tempted. However, you will receive NO donations from me for the rest of the year. Not to the NRA, not to the NRA-ILA, not to the NRA-PVF. I don't want any of MY money going to that traitorous sonofabitch John McCain.
You will lose many members over your support of this back-stabbing bastard. Do you happen to have the address for Gun Owners of America? I understand that they don't compromise their member's freedom.
Sincerely,
Ben
Dear NRA:
I am writing to express my EXTREME displeasure at your recent endorsement of Senator McCain for president. McCain is a traitor to the Second Amendment (as well as most of the rest of the Constitution). He does not deserve to endorsed by the NRA.
I will not quit the NRA, although I'm tempted. However, you will receive NO donations from me for the rest of the year. Not to the NRA, not to the NRA-ILA, not to the NRA-PVF. I don't want any of MY money going to that traitorous sonofabitch John McCain.
You will lose many members over your support of this back-stabbing bastard. Do you happen to have the address for Gun Owners of America? I understand that they don't compromise their member's freedom.
Sincerely,
Ben
Friday, October 03, 2008
V.P. Debate
I've been a political junkie my whole adult life, but in this election I haven't watched any of the debates or anything because, for the first time, I truly and honestly don't care who wins the presidency. I think the republic will be doomed by an Obama or a McCain win. I'm voting for Bob Barr, but I know darned well that it's just a protest vote.
Since there wasn't anything good on tv, I did catch some of the vice presidential debate on Thursday night. Most of what I did see was while I was playing the board game Cariboo (a "magical treasure hunt game") with my two-year-old son, so I couldn't hear a lot of it. After putting the boy to bed, I was able to give Palin and Biden's closing comments my full attention. Therefore I feel that I can offer my enlightened analysis of the debate.
After years of careful study, I've developed several methods by which I evaluate each candidate. It's very interesting to see how each one stacks up based on the methodology. Here goes:
The "Who Would You Rather Bone?" Method: Governor Palin was the clear winner in this category. This issue is very important to me and I felt like Senator Biden wasn't even trying to sway my stance. Slacks with low heels? So last season Joseph!
The "Who Would Win In A Fistfight" Method: Palin again! I can picture Biden curled up on a sawdust floor, shrieking like a woman, trying to shield himself with his briefcase as Palin rains down blows on him. Now there'd be a debate people would watch.
The "Who Would You Rather Go Moose Hunting With?" Method: In a surprise upset, Biden walked away with this category. This is mostly because Sarah Palin is probably a much better marksman and woodsman than I am and my delicate male ego couldn't take being made to look like a chump.
The "Who Has The Most 'Experience' Destroying The Nation and It's Constitution" Method: Senator Biden comes out on top here. With 35 years in the U.S. Senate, which has screwed up nearly every element of the country that has crossed through its sphere of influence (from the economy to foreign relations), in every way that can be measured, Biden has much, much more experience than Palin. Palin's state of Alaska doesn't even have a single trillion dollars of debt, much less 10 trillion like the federal government (9 of which came about while Biden was in the Senate, controlling the purse strings). You'll have to try harder Governor!
While taking a few lumps, Palin performed better than the liberal media pundits had envisioned, since she didn't spit no "tabacky" juice or pause to squat-birth another kid during the debate. Even though Palin did better than expected, "the old pro" Joe Biden can still hold his own... and from what I've heard, he often does. (Hey! Can I get a rimshot here?)
In my humble opinion the real winner of the evening was my son, who managed to find ALL of the rubber balls hidden within the gameboard and thereby opened the magical treasure chest. The smile on his face means more to me than who wins or loses this bullshit election.
Since there wasn't anything good on tv, I did catch some of the vice presidential debate on Thursday night. Most of what I did see was while I was playing the board game Cariboo (a "magical treasure hunt game") with my two-year-old son, so I couldn't hear a lot of it. After putting the boy to bed, I was able to give Palin and Biden's closing comments my full attention. Therefore I feel that I can offer my enlightened analysis of the debate.
After years of careful study, I've developed several methods by which I evaluate each candidate. It's very interesting to see how each one stacks up based on the methodology. Here goes:
The "Who Would You Rather Bone?" Method: Governor Palin was the clear winner in this category. This issue is very important to me and I felt like Senator Biden wasn't even trying to sway my stance. Slacks with low heels? So last season Joseph!
The "Who Would Win In A Fistfight" Method: Palin again! I can picture Biden curled up on a sawdust floor, shrieking like a woman, trying to shield himself with his briefcase as Palin rains down blows on him. Now there'd be a debate people would watch.
The "Who Would You Rather Go Moose Hunting With?" Method: In a surprise upset, Biden walked away with this category. This is mostly because Sarah Palin is probably a much better marksman and woodsman than I am and my delicate male ego couldn't take being made to look like a chump.
The "Who Has The Most 'Experience' Destroying The Nation and It's Constitution" Method: Senator Biden comes out on top here. With 35 years in the U.S. Senate, which has screwed up nearly every element of the country that has crossed through its sphere of influence (from the economy to foreign relations), in every way that can be measured, Biden has much, much more experience than Palin. Palin's state of Alaska doesn't even have a single trillion dollars of debt, much less 10 trillion like the federal government (9 of which came about while Biden was in the Senate, controlling the purse strings). You'll have to try harder Governor!
While taking a few lumps, Palin performed better than the liberal media pundits had envisioned, since she didn't spit no "tabacky" juice or pause to squat-birth another kid during the debate. Even though Palin did better than expected, "the old pro" Joe Biden can still hold his own... and from what I've heard, he often does. (Hey! Can I get a rimshot here?)
In my humble opinion the real winner of the evening was my son, who managed to find ALL of the rubber balls hidden within the gameboard and thereby opened the magical treasure chest. The smile on his face means more to me than who wins or loses this bullshit election.
Monday, September 29, 2008
BARACK ATTACKS, PART XVII
We all expect BS political ads from both parties. One guy slings mud in an ad and the other guy "refutes" it and slings some back.
The Messiah's minions are getting rather out of hand about it, though. In their minds, I guess, he has already been annointed lord and master. The First Amendment, as we all should know, has been under assault for quite some time now by both parties (Free Speech Zones, anyone?). If the minions have their way, however, it will be fitted with cement shoes and sent to sleep with the fishes. Thou shalt not say anything bad about the Messiah, and if you do thou shalt be attacked and silenced.
First, in a speech to Planned Parenthood Obama let slip that us toothless web-footed hillbillies are "basically decent" but that we aren't smart enough to keep from being misled when we..."listen to the wrong talk radio shows or watch the wrong TV networks."
That was benign enough, going right along with calling those of us in Fly-Over Country (formerly known as the Heartland) gun-totin', God-clingin' racists. Yawn. We're used to snotty left-wing elitists and/or media hacks telling us we shouldn't listen to Rush (even I can't stand GOP cheerleader Hannity) because he will turn us into mind-numbed robots.
Next came the thinly veiled threats from the loony left that America will pay with riots in the streets if we are too "racist" to elect the Obamanation. Big deal. We've heard the "Long hot summer" threats many a time before.
Things started to get a little scary, though, when the Obamistas attacked radio stations in Pennsylvania and Ohio for running NRA sponsored ads that claimed Obama was anti-gun, demanding that they pull the paid advertisements. They even threatened the radio stations with with FCC sanctions if they did not comply with their demands. Well, um, Obama is anti-gun. Duh. How dare they call him on it! If he's pro-gun, then I'm Sarah Brady.
Now, apparently, in St. Louis it has become illegal to even dare to attempt to speak ill of Herr Obama. If you do not utter the Gospel "truth" about Hussein, as determined by Barack worshippers such as District Attorney Robert McCulloch, he will send like-minded sherriffs after you and you will be prosecuted.
Talk about a police state. What next? Wearing special brown shirts? Intimidating thugs stationed outside the polling places? Beating up Republicans in the streets and smashing the windows of their businesses? Mark my words, the bloggers will be next if we dare to say anything critical of...
(SOUNDS OF DOOR BEING KICKED IN, BREAKING GLASS, TRUNCHEONS ON HUMAN FLESH)
The Messiah's minions are getting rather out of hand about it, though. In their minds, I guess, he has already been annointed lord and master. The First Amendment, as we all should know, has been under assault for quite some time now by both parties (Free Speech Zones, anyone?). If the minions have their way, however, it will be fitted with cement shoes and sent to sleep with the fishes. Thou shalt not say anything bad about the Messiah, and if you do thou shalt be attacked and silenced.
First, in a speech to Planned Parenthood Obama let slip that us toothless web-footed hillbillies are "basically decent" but that we aren't smart enough to keep from being misled when we..."listen to the wrong talk radio shows or watch the wrong TV networks."
That was benign enough, going right along with calling those of us in Fly-Over Country (formerly known as the Heartland) gun-totin', God-clingin' racists. Yawn. We're used to snotty left-wing elitists and/or media hacks telling us we shouldn't listen to Rush (even I can't stand GOP cheerleader Hannity) because he will turn us into mind-numbed robots.
Next came the thinly veiled threats from the loony left that America will pay with riots in the streets if we are too "racist" to elect the Obamanation. Big deal. We've heard the "Long hot summer" threats many a time before.
Things started to get a little scary, though, when the Obamistas attacked radio stations in Pennsylvania and Ohio for running NRA sponsored ads that claimed Obama was anti-gun, demanding that they pull the paid advertisements. They even threatened the radio stations with with FCC sanctions if they did not comply with their demands. Well, um, Obama is anti-gun. Duh. How dare they call him on it! If he's pro-gun, then I'm Sarah Brady.
Now, apparently, in St. Louis it has become illegal to even dare to attempt to speak ill of Herr Obama. If you do not utter the Gospel "truth" about Hussein, as determined by Barack worshippers such as District Attorney Robert McCulloch, he will send like-minded sherriffs after you and you will be prosecuted.
Talk about a police state. What next? Wearing special brown shirts? Intimidating thugs stationed outside the polling places? Beating up Republicans in the streets and smashing the windows of their businesses? Mark my words, the bloggers will be next if we dare to say anything critical of...
(SOUNDS OF DOOR BEING KICKED IN, BREAKING GLASS, TRUNCHEONS ON HUMAN FLESH)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Happy (Belated) Constitution Day
Realizing that there are probably thousands of you all across the fruited plain who have been laying awake nights wondering how I spent Constitution Day, I have decided to assuage your curiosity. Using my handy copy of the Constitution as I guide, I spent the day going right down the list, trying to enjoy all the freedoms enumerated in the first handful of amendments (what we used to call "The Bill of Rights," and now call "Toast").
First, I spoke freely and worshipped a discarded hair scrunchie, as is my right under the First Amendment. Then, in honor of my Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms, I randomly fired wild shots in the air... and found myself quickly hustled out of the Obama rally.
When a tired and weary group of brave young American GI's wandered through my neighborhood, looking for a place to stop and rest, I told them to "piss-off" as enshrined in the Third Amendment. Next, I politely informed a police officer that, pursuant with the Fourth Amendment, he may NOT search my house without a warrant, after flagging down his patrol car.
Then, in solemn observance of the Ninth Amendment, I donned beekeeper garb and climbed into the refrigerator with my bottle of gin to sing show tunes. Okay, that wasn't really for Constitution Day, that's just something I do EVERY Wednesday, but it IS well within my 9th Amendment rights. (When she repeatedly tells me to "get out of there," and to seek the "help" that I "desperately need," my wife really puts her Constitutional ignorance on display, let me tell you. I feel sorry for her.)
My Constitution Day festivities ended there with the Ninth Amendment, because, as any politician can tell you, there is no Tenth Amendment. Now if you'll excuse me, my wife is here with two gentlemen with white-jackets and butterfly nets.
First, I spoke freely and worshipped a discarded hair scrunchie, as is my right under the First Amendment. Then, in honor of my Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms, I randomly fired wild shots in the air... and found myself quickly hustled out of the Obama rally.
When a tired and weary group of brave young American GI's wandered through my neighborhood, looking for a place to stop and rest, I told them to "piss-off" as enshrined in the Third Amendment. Next, I politely informed a police officer that, pursuant with the Fourth Amendment, he may NOT search my house without a warrant, after flagging down his patrol car.
Then, in solemn observance of the Ninth Amendment, I donned beekeeper garb and climbed into the refrigerator with my bottle of gin to sing show tunes. Okay, that wasn't really for Constitution Day, that's just something I do EVERY Wednesday, but it IS well within my 9th Amendment rights. (When she repeatedly tells me to "get out of there," and to seek the "help" that I "desperately need," my wife really puts her Constitutional ignorance on display, let me tell you. I feel sorry for her.)
My Constitution Day festivities ended there with the Ninth Amendment, because, as any politician can tell you, there is no Tenth Amendment. Now if you'll excuse me, my wife is here with two gentlemen with white-jackets and butterfly nets.
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