Monday, February 25, 2008


MONTANA, (AP). Yesterday, my black Labrador retriever, Griz, formally announced his bid for the Presidential nomination under the banner of the newly formed Sniff-and-Pee Party. “Why not?” Asked Griz, taking time out from his busy campaign schedule of licking himself and pooping. “Everyone else is doing it.”

This an obvious reference to the recent Third Party announcement for a Presidential bid by Ralph Nader, and a Fourth Party bid by Pat Paulsen. The latter, announcing his candidacy on the Sally Jesse Rafael Show, excited much interest among both viewers. New York Mayor Bloomburg has also recently stated he would back Obama with large sums of money were he to run Third Party if Hillary wins the Democratic nomination.

“America needs change,” Griz announced today, pausing from gnawing on an elk leg bone. “Even a dog knows you can’t buy $100,000 worth of chew toys and fetchies when you only have $1,000 in the bank. My first step in reducing the National Debt would be to get rid of all these ‘fat cats’ I keep hearing about in Washington. Ggrrrr.”

Asked about fierce competition from the “Mainstream” Democratic and Republican candidates, Griz did not express any worry. “As far as I can tell, they’re no smarter than I am. Plus I always remain loyal. I look forward to barking at them and biting their legs in a live televised debate so that the American public can clearly see why I am most qualified for the position of Commander-in-Chief.”

“Being neutered,” he added. “We won’t have the kind of shenanigans going on in the Oval Office that we had under Bill Clinton, although the rugs may need cleaned more often.”

Questioned about the international threat of Islamic Terrorists, Griz shrugged and replied, “You shoot ‘em, I’ll fetch ‘em.” Stepping over to pee on a fencepost recently visited by a coyote, Griz also opined, “You humans just need to learn to mark your territory. I would immediately begin construction of a series of scent posts all along the Mexican border.”

Hillary Clinton has already said she would support the first four-legged minority candidate by providing all the Chinese-made dog food he could eat.

At the end of the interview, Griz made one last pitch for his Presidency. “Unlike John McCain, I don’t bite the hand that feeds me.”


Anonymous said...

Very funny Ben and Bawb! Check out Pat's site:

Ben said...

If Griz needs a V.P., may I suggest:

No matter who Griz picks, I'll definitely vote for him before McCain or the Democrat.