HICKS AGIN' MCCAIN

Well, I done posted my little parable about Lucy and Charlie Brown on another board and danged if I haven't been chewed out and cussed up one side and down t'other. Seems like the Slow Bus really is the good, wise and viable choice. Bein' as how I'm just a dumb ol' hick, I thought I would at least try and 'splain my reasoning a mite better.

Now, I’m just an ol’ country boy. I know as a citizen an’ taxpayer I got no blamed right to be a-criticizing’ my massahs out yonder in Washington Town, ‘specially them real smart fellers in the GOP. One thing ‘bout redneck hicks, though, what with all that huntin’ for squirrels and varmints and such out in the woods, why one does tend to develop an ability to notice things and then recall them things later on.

I recollect being told that Billy Jeff Klintoon was a-gonna destroy this here country in two shakes of a lamb’s tail. What he done, though, in them eight years was get folks all disgusted an’ riled up, riled enough to sweep a bunch of fellers they thought was conservatives into the Congress in ’94 and, later, what they thought was a conservative into that there Whitehouse. Although he ‘complished darn near nothin’ of substance, why even that ol’ snake Slick Willie he tossed a couple of nasty old bones to his base--gays in the military and an odious weapons ban--to thank them crazy Commies for puttin’ him in office. That's more'n them GOP boys have done for us.

I also recollect that them there smart boys in the GOP tried to out-Democrat the Democrats in them there mid-terms in ’06, and they got their teeth kicked in but good. Even them radio fellers, that Limbaugh and that Hannity, they was a-rakin’ the Republikrats over the coals over it. Folks wanted more and real conservatism from ‘em, not more Democrat Lite Socialism. Seems they didn’t learn much of a lesson, cuz for this rodeo they started a-leanin’ so far to the left, why they could walk plumb straight upright across a 70-percent grade. Even them Gingrich and Rush fellers are a-sayin’ that this McCain’ll be the end of the Republikrat Party. Their words, not mine.

Other things puzzle me fearsome, too. I recall many folks tellin’ me that Ron Paul feller, even if elected, would not be able to do one single consarned thing in four years cuz he was jes’ one man, and one man why he couldn’t never change nothin’ a’tal. Well, that Hitlery or that Barrak is jes’ one “man” too, but they must have magic wands or super powers like them comic book folks or somethin’ like that cuz I got people a-tellin’ me that twenty seconds after they hit the door of the Whitehouse, we’ll be stuffed into cattle cars a’headin’ for the Gulags. Seems like I heard somethin’ real similar ‘bout ol’ Hitlery’s co-President when he was a-fixin’ to get elected some years back too.

Here now I come to find out that them there Republikrats and their stubborness and arrogance, why somehow it’s all this ol’ boy’s fault for not supportin’ ‘em enough. And I been told that I oughta come up with a solution my own darn self, when all them big shots in Washington town can’t. Well, there was a solution come down the pike not long ago, but them there GOP fellers, they done everything they could to ham-string him and hide him under a bushel. Why, it shore did remind me of the time awhile back when them GOP “blue-blood” big shots they done that very same thing to a feller name o’ Reagan. I guess don’t nobody but this ol’ hick recall them days, when they said that Regan feller why he was just “too conservative” and “unelectable”. But some of us ignor’nt hicks why we voted for him any ol’ way and danged if he didn’t get the nom’nation an’ went on to get ‘lected anyhow. He done a right smart job of things, too, cuz he actually was conservative, and lots folks really liked him, except them reporter fellers, but they’re all no-accounts anyhow. Why I even hear tell that ol’ Reagn he’s a Saint now. Good thing us dumb ol’ hillbillies didn’t get the word he was unelectable.

So, folks, I surely do ‘pologise for causin’ this here mess but, like I said, I’m just a slack-jawed ol' hick from up in the hills. But mebbe, just mebbe, if them there Neo-Con boys get whacked upside the head with a 2x4 enough times they might finally pay a lil’ tiny bit of attention to their base. If not, well mebbe them smart boys will jes’ blow theyselves up into little bitty pieces, just like even some of their own folks are a-sayin’ they’re a-gonna do. I reckon that mebbe they got that a-comin’ anyways. Mebbe afterwards a REAL Conservative party could pop up outta the wreckage, or real Conservatives could grab a-holt of them GOP reins one time more. Mebbe a “liberal” Socialist dictator ‘stead of a “conservative” Socialist dictator in that there Not-Quite-Round Office will get even them Sheeple folks riled up enough again to throw them bums back out into the streets next go-round, like when they got sick of that Carter fella and gave that Reagan boy 44 states. ‘Course, that’s assumin’ them danged ol’ GOP boys can some up with somethin’ a mite more tolerable to serve us peasants than that there Rudy McRomney Show. Mebbe we are in the End Times already and the Good Lord will take me Home so I don’t even have to bother with this here conundrum.

Bein’ an ornery and contrary sort of ol’ boy, I ain’t a-chosin’ neither of the choices I done been told I got; to vote for them Commies on t’other side or stay home. I’m a-gonna vote me a straight Libertarian ticket so’s I can look myself and my Maker in the eye and say I done what was right ‘stead of what was less evil or “politically expedient” as them fancy pants boys say to cover up the evil part. We done already got one Libertarian in that there Legislature up in Helena, what they call a swing vote. ‘Pears to me it’s long past time we rounded up a few more o’ them boys.

Even us hillbillies sometimes read books now and agin’, and I recollect a few things I done read. There was this feller name o’ Peter, a fearsome long time ago, who once said, “It is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.” A friend of his’n, name of Paul, wrote a letter to some folks in Rome and pointed out that their policy of “Let us do evil that good may result” wasn’t real sound nor ethical nor successful, for that matter. Then later on, jes’ a couple of hundred years ago, this other ol’ boy by the name of Paine sure agreed with ‘em. He said things like, “Better fare hard with good men than feast it with bad.” and “Moderation in temper is always a virtue, but moderation in principle is always a vice.” He also said somethin’ that would sure seem to apply to that there McCain critter. “I should suffer the misery of devils, were I to make a whore of my soul by swearing allegiance to one whose character is that of a sottish, stupid, stubborn, worthless, brutish man.” Well, I find these ol’ boys better comp’ny than that John McCain, so I’ll be stickin’ with them ‘stead of him.

That’s jes’ stubbron ol' contrary me, though. It’s still a free country, kinda, and I ain’t a-tellin’ nobody else what their choices has to be. You’re more’n welcome to take that slow bus, or the fast bus or no bus a’tall for that matter. Good luck, God bless, and, like that ol’ boy Paine sez, “May your chains rest lightly upon you.”