Tuesday, March 04, 2008

McCain-[Your Name Here]

A Paid Advertisement-
Attention Liberal-Democrat Senators!
Are you tired of having your socialist dreams get shot down because they're "too liberal?" Senator John McCain can help!*

Having McCain co-author your bill will rubber-stamp the term "bipartisan" all over even your most liberal scheme. Any liberal Senator who's anybody has co-authored legislation with Senator McCain.

Still not convinced? Check out these testimonials from satisfied liberals:

Senator Ted Kennedy (McCain-Kennedy Alien Amnesty Bill 2005):

"I uh, used to think that a Republican senator would try to stand in the way of my socialist agenda. Not anymore! I like John McCain better than a stiff belt of scotch and broad with big, buoyant boobies. I look forward to hyphenating my name with him again in the future."

Senator Russ Feingold (McCain-Feingold Incumbent Protection Act 2002):

"Me and McCain work great together. I have a new common sense gun-safety bill, which would require gun owners to have their tongues cut out and be sodomized with broom handles. I think McCain's name would look spiffy in the title."

Senator Joe Lieberman ( McCain-Lieberman Hot Air Bill 2003):

"Suah, the consoyvatives might think he's a meshuggener, but Senator McCain has chutzpah! My plan to hamstring the U.S. economy in the name of global warming would have gone nowhere without him. Thank you Senator McCain!"

Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY)
"Oh, that Johnny can bring a smile to my face faster than the thought of a writhing fetus. No, I haven't co-authored legislation with Senator McCain... but I'd like to."
What does Senator McCain ask in return? Only for you liberals to like him! That's right: No bills, no fees. Just like him!
Don't spit on John McCain or call him "Baby-killer" like you did when he came back from 'Nam. You guys were the cool kids back then, with your dope and your rock and roll, but when he co-authors your bill, he'll show you that John McCain is pretty cool too, buster! Please like him!
All he's asking for is a knowing wink from across the aisle. Or maybe someone could sit with John McCain in the Senate lunchroom. No more pantsing John McCain in the cloakroom! Just like him. You don't even have to mean it, just pretend to like him.
To get in on this bargain just dial:
John McCain is standing by... alone... in a dark room with a bottle of bourbon and his Navy-issue .45... awaiting your call. For the love of God, dial quickly!
This desperate plea for approval brought to you by:
Senator John McCain
"Making Democrat dreams come true since 1987"
*Offer only extended to liberal Democrats. Conservatives are invited to go f*ck themselves.

1 comment:

Bawb said...

If Juan McStain really is the "best and brightest" that the GOP can offer up, they deserve to wind up face-down in the gutter, rolled, wondering what happened. The only things that will allow them to continue their Socialism Lite is that the Democratic contenders are so odious. This election boils down to who can win the "stupid and apatehtic" vote.