JUDGE: "NO FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT TO PRODUCE AND CONSUME FOODS."

What in the hell are they putting in the cheese these days? From Wisconsin, of all places.

In a court case sure to go down in history for one of the most bizarre rulings, a Wisconsin judge has held that American citizens do not have a "fundamental right to produce or consume foods of their choice."

The plaintiffs in the case argued that their right to privacy — which allows them to decline medical treatment, allow abortion, view pornography, and engage in consensual sex — should also translate into the right to “consume food of his/her own choice.”

Judge Patrick Fiedler remained unconvinced, claiming that the constitutionality of food rights is “wholly without merit.” He added that the plaintiffs' use of the Roe v Wade case as a precedent does “not explain why a woman’s right to have an abortion translates to a right to consume unpasteurized milk…. This court is unwilling to declare that there is a fundamental right to consume the food of one’s choice without first being presented with significantly more developed arguments on both sides of the issue.”

Judge Fiedler went on to clarify his ruling further:

1. “no, Plaintiffs do not have a fundamental right to own and use a dairy cow or a dairy herd;
2. “no, Plaintiffs do not have a fundamental right to consume the milk from their own cow;
3. “no, Plaintiffs do not have a fundamental right to board their cow at the farm of a farmer;
4. “no, the … Plaintiffs’ private contract does not fall outside the scope of the State’s police power;
5. “no, Plaintiffs do not have a fundamental right to produce and consume the foods of their choice.”

Now why do I get this mental image in my head of a top Monsanto executive in a lavish office somewhere tapping his fingers together and crooning, "Excellent."?