Monday, January 21, 2008


In today’s fascinating blog entry, we shall cover the Evolution of the American Male Sheeple. This was an agonizing process that did not happen overnight. In fact, in the beginning stages, the American male proved to be highly resistant to the mutations, retaining his brain, spine, guts and testicles throughout the first 200 years or so. As will be evident, this slow process suddenly accelerated, then shifted into an amazingly quick progression in the past 30-40 years. Finally, we shall take a peek into the near future and what the Sheeple of tomorrow might be like.

In 1776, Sheeple as we know them did not exist. Rugged individualists kept government in check and fought for their God-given rights.

The beginning of Westward Expansion found no room for Sheeple evolution. They were eaten by wolves and bears almost immediately when they did manage to emerge.

The 1860’s came, and still Sheeple as we know them failed to evolve. American men still followed their conscience and deeply-held beliefs and were willing to fight for them.

Time passed, but rugged individuals like Theodore (The Good) Roosevelt put a bounty on the tiny amounts of Sheeple trying to sneak westward from New York to keep their numbers in check.

By 1917, Sheeple were still few and far between. Alvin York was a Conscientious Objector because of deeply held Christian beliefs, not because he wanted to stay out of harm’s way, and went on to be one of our country’s greatest heroes.

Under the next Roosevelt Administration, creeping Socialism led to an increase in Sheeple numbers. Real American males were too busy fighting the Germans and the Japs overseas to keep their numbers in check.

The 60’s led to the Hippy Era, starting with a small infestation in up-state New York which led to vast herds of Sheeple suddenly bursting into the mainstream as they began to breed and reproduce exponentially.

As Hippies gained a foothold in American government, the American male soon began his Sheeple-like decline, seen here in the Gelding Stage. This particular mutation was believed to have its roots in the Gun Control Act of 1968.
The Gelding Stage quickly gave way to the Couch Potato Stage, in which American men turned into big fat pussies. As long as they had copious amounts of beer (bread) and 56 TV channels (circuses) they cared not for the future direction of the nation.

By the turn of the century, the American male had finally morphed into a full-blown Sheeple. He mindlessly followed the herd, bleating for government hand-outs, and was willing to be led docilely to the slaughter.

What does the future hold? If the 2008 Presidential Elections are any indication, all Americans are turning into the final stages of Sheeplism. This stage closely resembles the lemming. These creatures are known for their habit of mindlessly, willfully, gleefully charging off cliffs en masse and plummeting to their death and destruction. Early signs of this stage are often manifested in strong support for Hillary Clinton or John McCain. At present, there is no known effective vaccination or anti-dote, although a gifted physician known as Dr. Ron Paul has managed to reverse the effect in a growing number of former Sheeple. Whether it will be enough to save our species is not yet known.

Here we see the only known cure for Sheeplism. Those who wish to be cured, however, must choose between the red pill or the blue pill. Which will you take?

1 comment:

Ben said...

He,he,he...Good stuff!