Monday, September 29, 2008


We all expect BS political ads from both parties. One guy slings mud in an ad and the other guy "refutes" it and slings some back.

The Messiah's minions are getting rather out of hand about it, though. In their minds, I guess, he has already been annointed lord and master. The First Amendment, as we all should know, has been under assault for quite some time now by both parties (Free Speech Zones, anyone?). If the minions have their way, however, it will be fitted with cement shoes and sent to sleep with the fishes. Thou shalt not say anything bad about the Messiah, and if you do thou shalt be attacked and silenced.

First, in a speech to Planned Parenthood Obama let slip that us toothless web-footed hillbillies are "basically decent" but that we aren't smart enough to keep from being misled when we..."listen to the wrong talk radio shows or watch the wrong TV networks."

That was benign enough, going right along with calling those of us in Fly-Over Country (formerly known as the Heartland) gun-totin', God-clingin' racists. Yawn. We're used to snotty left-wing elitists and/or media hacks telling us we shouldn't listen to Rush (even I can't stand GOP cheerleader Hannity) because he will turn us into mind-numbed robots.

Next came the thinly veiled threats from the loony left that America will pay with riots in the streets if we are too "racist" to elect the Obamanation. Big deal. We've heard the "Long hot summer" threats many a time before.

Things started to get a little scary, though, when the Obamistas attacked radio stations in Pennsylvania and Ohio for running NRA sponsored ads that claimed Obama was anti-gun, demanding that they pull the paid advertisements. They even threatened the radio stations with with FCC sanctions if they did not comply with their demands. Well, um, Obama is anti-gun. Duh. How dare they call him on it! If he's pro-gun, then I'm Sarah Brady.

Now, apparently, in St. Louis it has become illegal to even dare to attempt to speak ill of Herr Obama. If you do not utter the Gospel "truth" about Hussein, as determined by Barack worshippers such as District Attorney Robert McCulloch, he will send like-minded sherriffs after you and you will be prosecuted.

Talk about a police state. What next? Wearing special brown shirts? Intimidating thugs stationed outside the polling places? Beating up Republicans in the streets and smashing the windows of their businesses? Mark my words, the bloggers will be next if we dare to say anything critical of...


Thursday, September 18, 2008

Happy (Belated) Constitution Day

Realizing that there are probably thousands of you all across the fruited plain who have been laying awake nights wondering how I spent Constitution Day, I have decided to assuage your curiosity. Using my handy copy of the Constitution as I guide, I spent the day going right down the list, trying to enjoy all the freedoms enumerated in the first handful of amendments (what we used to call "The Bill of Rights," and now call "Toast").

First, I spoke freely and worshipped a discarded hair scrunchie, as is my right under the First Amendment. Then, in honor of my Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms, I randomly fired wild shots in the air... and found myself quickly hustled out of the Obama rally.

When a tired and weary group of brave young American GI's wandered through my neighborhood, looking for a place to stop and rest, I told them to "piss-off" as enshrined in the Third Amendment. Next, I politely informed a police officer that, pursuant with the Fourth Amendment, he may NOT search my house without a warrant, after flagging down his patrol car.

Then, in solemn observance of the Ninth Amendment, I donned beekeeper garb and climbed into the refrigerator with my bottle of gin to sing show tunes. Okay, that wasn't really for Constitution Day, that's just something I do EVERY Wednesday, but it IS well within my 9th Amendment rights. (When she repeatedly tells me to "get out of there," and to seek the "help" that I "desperately need," my wife really puts her Constitutional ignorance on display, let me tell you. I feel sorry for her.)

My Constitution Day festivities ended there with the Ninth Amendment, because, as any politician can tell you, there is no Tenth Amendment. Now if you'll excuse me, my wife is here with two gentlemen with white-jackets and butterfly nets.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


ANNOUNCER: We now interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcast to bring you this important message from ABS network President Eileen Left.

ABS PRESIDENT: Here at ABS News, “all BS, all the time”, we have received complaints from nearly a quarter of our remaining 324 viewers. It seems some people are claiming that our interviewing and reporting style is too critical of Sarah Palin and too softball concerning Senator Barack Obama. Here at ABS News, we strive to remain non-political, equal and balanced. We fairly ask both candidates the same kind of probing and insightful questions, because you, our viewer(s) need to be fully informed on the issues. In order to show our apolitical and completely unbiased reporting style, we have compiled a list of questions recently asked of each candidate. We know you will see then that all charges of bias are false.

OBAMA QUESTION #1: Senator Obama, if you were a fluffy bunny, would you be utterly adorable or merely very cute?

PALIN QUESTION #1: Ms Palin, is there any truth to the persistent reports, which have been widely circulated, that you kick puppies?

OBAMA QUESTION #2: Oh wise Senator Obama, would you care to read aloud this list we compiled, “The Top 10 Reasons the Bush Administration Sucks”?

PALIN QUESTION #2: Palin, why do you support the pathetic and failed policies of the worthless Bush Administration?

OBAMA QUESTION #3: Oh wise and experienced Lord Obama, isn’t it true that Community Organizer is the most important contribution to mankind since fire and the wheel?

PALIN QUESTION #3: Sarah, as inexperienced mayor of a town with a population of a mere lousy 9,000 people, is it true that you and the thugs of your administration burned books from the Wasilla library, and, if not, can you prove it?

OBAMA QUESTION #4: All-knowing, all-seeing Lord Obama, an international policy question. Do you think your administration, when it brings peace and harmony to all the nations and peoples of the globe, would require mere days or a couple of weeks to achieve this amity?

PALIN QUESTION #4: How about foreign policy, wench? What would you do if, simultaneously, Iran launched a nuclear attack on Israel, while North Korea and Red China physically invaded South Korea and Taiwan, India and Pakistan declared war, Putin’s forces attacked the East and West coasts of the United State simultaneously, and Al Queda detonated nuclear devices in 23 major American cities in unison while you were in the shower? Hunh? What would you do “Sarah Barracuda”? Hunh? You have four seconds to answer. Time’s up!

OBAMA QUESTION #5: Brilliant statesmen and most merciful genius Lord Obama, if I grovel on the floor, will I be allowed to kiss your Holy feet?

PALIN QUESTION #5: Hey, how come you are such a (expletive deleted)?

OBAMA QUESTION #6: Omnipotent, sage and benevolent Redeemer Lord Obama, savior of the nation, may your humble servant be allowed to ask you why Palin is such a (expletive deleted)?

PALIN QUESTION #6: (Expletive deleted), how dare you think you are fit to breathe the same air, let alone run in the same campaign, as our omnipotent, sage and benevolent Redeemer Lord Obama?

OBAMA QUESTION #7: Oh noble, magnanimous, sumptuous Savior, Redeemer and Messiah High Lord Obama, seated at the right hand of the Father, I worship you, I am not worthy to be spat upon by your Holy lips, I love you and pay homage to your Heavenly visage.

PALIN QUESTION #7. (Expletive deleted). You despicable toothless(expletive deleted) in-bred gun-toting NASCAR-watching (expletive deleted) racist sexist scum-sucking (expletive deleted) Nazi hillbilly hate-monger! (Expletive deleted) You suck! I hate you! I spit upon you! PTOOIE!

ABS PRESIDENT: We hope that this simple demonstration of parity and impartiality puts to rest any misconceptions some prejudiced members of the public might falsely have had of any bias whatsoever on the part of ABS News. If you do not agree, you are a despicable toothless (expletive deleted) in-bred gun-toting NASCAR-watching (expletive deleted) racist sexist scum-sucking (expletive deleted) Nazi hillbilly hate monger! (Expletive deleted) You suck! I hate you! I spit upon you. PTOOIE!

ANNOUNCER: We now take you back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Monday, September 15, 2008

U.S. House To Vote On Repealing DC Gun Ban

From our friends at Gun Owners of America:

E-Mail Alert 8001 Forbes Place, Suite 102, Springfield, VA 22151Phone: 703-321-8585FAX: 703-321-8408 Monday, September 15, 2008

How quickly things can change. Last week, the early reports indicated that the Childers bill to repeal the DC gun ban, HR 6691, was going to be a "cake walk" in the House of Representatives.

But now, DC Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton (D) has managed to get an alternative, anti-gun bill onto the floor of the House. Her bill passed out of committee last week on a whopping 17-1 vote. Every Republican on the committee -- except for Rep. Dan Burton (R-IN) -- voted for the Norton bill.

The Norton bill would allow the DC council to continue enacting gun control,while the Childers bill (HR 6691) would repeal the ban on semi-auto pistols and rifles in DC, the registration requirements which require residents to get permission from the city council before they can own a weapon, and the lock-up-your-safety provision.

Representatives will now have a choice between the two bills -- and the fact that every Republican in the committee, except for one, voted for the Norton gun control bill is not a good sign.

ACTION: Please urge your Representative to vote IN FAVOR of the Childers bill (HR 6691) and to vote AGAINST the Norton gun control bill (HR 6842).You can use the pre-written message below and send it as an e-mail by visiting the GOA Legislative Action Center at (where phone and fax numbers are also available).

----- Pre-written letter -----

Dear Representative:

I am glad to see that the House is taking up HR 6691, a bill introduced by Mississippi Democrat Travis Childers. His bill would help enforce the recent Supreme Court decision in U.S. v. Heller by repealing the gun ban in the District -- including the ban on semi-auto pistols and rifles, and theregistration requirements which require residents to get permission from the city council before they can own a weapon.

The Childers bill will also strike the "trigger lock" provision which endangers gun owners by forcing the lucky ones who successfully jump through the 12-step process to render their guns unusable for immediate defensive purposes. However, I strongly oppose the Norton gun control bill which would allow the District to continue passing gun control legislation. Please vote for HR6691 and against the Norton compromise (HR 6842). Thank you.


Thursday, September 11, 2008


Boy, oh boy. This election cycle just keeps getting better and better from a sheer entertainment standpoint. At first I was just going to point out, again, the hypocrisy of the Drive-by Media. These people, who live and die by polls, are suddenly, like a school of fish, all turning en masse and proclaiming polls don't mean squat, mainly because the McCainanites just tromped the Obaminations in recent polls. At the same time, however, they are touting an international poll of citizens of other countries, who think Obama should be president.

Especially France. You know, the people who think Jerry Lewis is the greatest comic genius of all time. I won't even get into the "Eeek!!Panzer!!" jokes or the "accidental" bombing of the French embassy in Libya.

Anyway, in addition to France, it now seems that Barrack Hussein Obama has the support of Libya as well. Barry is smokin'!

Mohammar ("Hey Moe!") Gaddafi, Libyan crackpot dictator who still cringes at the name "Reagan" or the sound of an F-111, recently crawled out of his hole with his three virgin female bodyguards to give a rambling speech that kinda sorta stumps for Obama. You can snicker at it here.
Our pal Moe sez...

"There are elections in America now. Along came a black citizen of Kenyan
African origins, a Muslim, who had studied in an Islamic school in Indonesia.
His name is Obama. All the people in the Arab and Islamic world and in Africa
applauded this man. They welcomed him and prayed for his success and they may
have even been involved in legitimate contribution campaigns to enable him to
win the American presidency."

Then Moe bemoans Barry saying that he's a Christian whose first official act in office won't be to immediately blow Israel off the face of the earth. But, adds, Moe...

"We hope that this is merely an elections 'clearance sale', as they say in
Egypt,; in other words, merely an elections lie...Allah willing, it will turn
out that this was merely elections propaganda."

Moe, I think, gives Barry waaaayyyyy too much credit. He seems to think Obama has some kind of omnipotent grasp of all the subtleties of Middle Eastern and international politics and that the whole election is just some kind of clever behind-the-scenes Byzantine plot to destroy Israel and take over America. Barry the Empty Suit just ain't that smart. If his past associates are any indication, if elected Hussein would appoint Louis "Mothership" Farrakan, Zippy the Wonder Goat, and an ouija board as his Mid-East advisors.

Too bad Kim Il Jung is under the weather lately; perhaps he could stump for Barry as well. Or at least they could prop him up and make him wave, like the stiff in Weekend at Bernie's.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008


That bumper sticker is what I seem to be hearing alot these days. Conservatives are flocking back to the GOP and jumping for joy now that they have someone who actually is a Conservative to rally around. McCain sure didn't garner any support or passion. I myself really like Sarah Palin. She's quite the breath of fresh air in the whoredom of Washington politics. I would vote for her in a heartbeat.
The way the unabashedly Leftist Swine that masquerade as our objective "news" media are going waaaayyyyyy out of their way to hack on her just because she is a Conservative will hopefully backfire on them. If Chris Matthews gets tingly feelings down his legs when he hears Obama speak, he probably feels castrated when Palin speaks. Obama could screw a goat, burn the flag, and urinate on the Constitution on live television and the Drive-by Media would forget to mention it while sending battallions of dirt-diggers storming Alaska trying to find out if Palin ever farted in church. That just makes me, and countless others, love Palin that much more.
The problem is, as much as I wish it were so, Sarah Barracuda is not running for president. John MexiCain still is. When it comes right down to it, the Vice-President's most important duties include flying over flooded towns in North Dakota (where natural disasters don't count) and meeting and greeting VIPs from dirt bag little countries like Ubongastan when the President doesn't want to bother with them. Sarah won't have a whole helluva lot of say in what goes on in a McCain Administration.
It will still be President McCain who sets policy. It will still be President McCain who is "reaching across the aisle" to work with the Left. It will still be President McCain signing into law odious amnesty bills, spending bills, and entitlement bills, and I don't think he would bat an eye at signing off again if the Dems in Congress throw a new assault weapons ban on his desk. It will still be President McCain supporting the "Fariness Doctrine", "Real ID", Homeland Security and all the other un-Constitutional crap we got from the Bush Administration.
I'm sure the snooty blueblood elitist neo-cons still at the helm of the RNC are laughing themselves silly. "See, we can screw the living crap out of real Conservatives for years and then, at the last minute, throw them a bone and they'll still support us. Suckas! We can't wait to screw you again. We know you have nowhere else to go. BWAHAHAHAHA!"
So, while I would prefer the GOP win this go-round, I find it rather pathetic that all they can offer us is, "That other guy is a bigger piece of crap than our piece of crap." and "Can we appease you with our VP choice?" We can hope that they set Sarah up for a Presidential run in four years. As nice as that would be at the moment, I'm very, very afraid that four years in Sodom on Potomac, rubbing elbows with the scum that floats to the top of the RNC (as well as the DNC) and all the other sneering elitists may well taint and jade "our" Sarah like all the others by 2012. The best thing that could happen is Juan chokes on a taco his first month in office.
Barry Hussein would, without a doubt, the Worst President Ever. Possibly the last one. McCain will merely be a Very Bad & Weak President. The fact that these two are the best and brightest our nation, and the Two-Party Oligarchy, can offer us just goes to show how little choice we really have.
Is Sarah-cuda enough to make me hold my nose and swallow my bile and give the GOP just one more chance? The verdict is still out. Probably only disgust with the snarky attacks of the Lefty Talking Heads of the Drive-by Media could make me do that. The more these pompous Leftist Cheerleaders sneer and spew in attacking Palin, it seems, the deeper Obama's hole grows.