Thursday, January 14, 2010


That wacky Obama has coughed up another one of his even wackier nominees, this time for obergruppenfuhrer of the Transportation "Security" Administration. A tape surfaced of nominee Erroll Southers discussing domestic terrorism...again...spouting that we must watch out...again...for Christian, pro-lifer, and prepper/survivalist terrorists. Senator Jim DeMint (R-SC) has put a temporary hold on the nomination with the tape surfacing, but I doubt such will block the success of the appointment.

Whitehouse Press Secretary Robert "Parrot" Gibbs, sporting his new MSNBC T-shirt and ABC ball cap, also demanded that there be a hold put on Southers' nomination when the even more shocking allegations that Southers has never cheated on his taxes were revealed. "We are extremely troubled by the information that Mr. Southers has, apparently, been paying his income taxes since 1992. This will be a major stumbling block for him to be qualified to serve in the court of the Obama Monarchy."

Slipping from the annoying to the ludicrous, Germany has apparently gone insane as a new musical is opening in Frankfurt..."Yes, We Can". That's right folks, it's Obama the Musical. I couldn't make this crap up if I tried.

There are vague rumors surfacing that a lawsuit by Mel Brooks may be pending. Apparently, the creators of the new musical merely changed the lyrics from The Producers' song Springtime for Hitler to Springtime for Obama. In addition, when informed of the domestic and financial crisis facing the United States, the character of the President in the musical leaps to his feet and utters, "Gentlemen, we must do something to protect our phony baloney jobs ...immediately...immediately...immediately!" to which the chorus responds with a hip-hop medley of "Harrumphs!"

Moving on from ludicrous to asinine, Barack Hussein Obama (Mmm-mmm-mmm) has received an "A" for openness when it comes to his reducing the power of lobbyists and increasing transparency in government, even as he slithered away from the CNN cameras and keeps health care negotiations completely secret in violation of his campaign promises. The "A" grade comes from a group of "bipartisan non-profit watchdog organizations", which, when translated, means rabid froth-spewing leftist nut jobs such as, the George Soros Fan Club, the American Communist Party, and the Weather Underground.

From his Special Place in Hell, Joseph Stalin pouted, "Nobody ever gave me an "A" for openness, and my 'transparency' wasn't really that much different."

Finally, we delve into the just plain pathetic. A recent McClatchy-Ipsos poll revealed that 51% of American Sheeple agree that, "it is necessary to give up some civil liberties in order to make the country safe from terrorism." Benjamin Franklin responded by spinning in his grave at an estimated 3,000 rpm, registering on seismic monitoring instruments as far away as Missouri.

Wiltshire Horn, spokesman for American Sheeple for the Uber Police State, was interviewed in a busy airport terminal where video shows two bearded men in turbans carrying large bundles of what they declare as "carry-on road flares" passing through the security checkpoint behind him.

"We know the new, oppressive, and heavy-handed over-reactions by the government will do absolutely nothing to keep us safe from terrorism, but we enjoy the delicious illusion of safety. If we were in The Matrix, we would be spooning up those yummy blue pills out of cereal bowls."

Wiltshire then stuck his head through a woven wire fence and called over his shoulder to the nearest TSA guard, "Baaaa-baaaa. I'm ready for my security enema. Bleat bleat."

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