Sunday, October 13, 2013


Normal Government Function

Government Function During Shutdown

Anyone willing to scrape off a little bit of the golden patina left by the MSM (who themselves have spent billion of dollars trying over the past few years to disprove the old adage "No matter how much you polish a turd, it's still a turd.") can find the real stories behind the the Obongo Regime's "Campaign of Pain" Government shutdown. It really boils down to petty harassment and childish tantrums incited by the current administration aimed directly at annoying the hell out of John Q Citizen so Barry S and the Tax & Spenders on the Hill can get their way and keep right on behaving in the same fiscally suicidal manner that (along with a lot of that turd polishing) keeps them in power. 

And what better harassment can the government inflict upon the average taxpayer than screwing with the National Parks? Yes, it's deliberate, spiteful and penny ante, but what else can you expect from Sodom on Potomac? About the best explanation I saw was an interview with an NPS Ranger who flat out said they had been given orders "to make life as difficult for people as we can." What? You thought government public servants were here to do something crazy like, oh, I don't know, serve the public? Get real.

Somehow I'm not terribly surprised that even the Taliban has a better grasp on the government shutdown than the MSM and the drooling, slack-jawed zombies who still listen to them. "In a statement released to AFP, the terrorist group accused American lawmakers of 'sucking the blood of their own people.'" I didn't even bother to go look at Pravda's or Putin's take on this, as I already knew it would be more accurate and realistic than all three major US networks and CNN combined. Geez, some days I almost miss the Cold War.
In case you were wondering how we got to the point where our poor, starving, bedraggled little Federal government cannot afford to keep the National Parks open (except, of course, for special cases like Immigration Reform Rallies protesting that the government isn't giving away enough money to non-US citizens), The Waste List is a terrific help in showing us the subtle differences  between "essential" and "non-essential" government spending. The following handful of examples is just a microscopic portion of what our own Washington royalty deems as "essential government spending" which cannot possibly be cut.

1. The IRS is about to pay out $70 million in bonuses even though discretionary bonuses are supposed to be cancelled due to the sequester. And if these reward  "bonuses" are distributed in any way like the Forest Circus does theirs, the might as well call it, "Worthless Quisling Bureaucrats passing big wads of money back and forth to stroke each others' fragile egos and assuage their guilt for never having done any actual work during their entire careers."

2. The Obamas have to take another trip to Africa because...well, they need to, just trust us. Cost to the US taxpayer; $100,000,000. You could buy an entire country in Africa for that. On the bright side, at least the First Family is too chintzy to tip the help. If they did, it would cost the taxpayers half again as much. As it is, we taxpayers already shell out $1.4 billion a year to keep the Obamas in the royal style they've become accustomed to, although Michelle still thinks the Whitehouse is a bit like a prison. I say "royal style" because the Brits only spend a trifling $58 million on their entire royal family.

3. Hat's off to "Shotgun Joe" Biden for his frugality with the taxpayers' money in these times of crises. When he and his staff spent a single night in Paris, the hotel billed the taxpayer $585.000.50. Joe and his posse then really tightened their belts and got the cost of their single night in a London hotel down to a mere $459,388.65. Way to go, Joe!

4. The US Senate has been doing their part all along. For the past fifteen years, they've only spent a miserly $5.25 million on haircuts. 

5. To make sure America's domestic animals are as neatly coiffed as our politicians, in 2012 Congress alloted over a half a million dollars "to promote specialty hair and beauty products for cats and dogs."

6. We can't afford a single new metal folding chair in the waiting room at the VA hospital, but the Obama Administration is giving his homies in the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt sixteen General Dynamics F-16 Falcon fighter-bombers (window sticker price $19 million a pop) and two hundred M1-series Abrams main battle tanks ($8.5 million apiece). The new Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi has at least expressed his grateful appreciation for the gifts "Thank you Infidel Yankee Pig Dogs for these wonderful killing machines that will help us slaughter all non-believers with impunity. Today we butcher the few remaining Christians in our midst, tomorrow the Jew Devils in Israel. Although we may have to ask for more of your Yankee Imperialist weapons before we come to eradicate you, the Great Satan, as well. Allah Akbar!" With friends like that...

7. Speaking of expensive military gear, we're planning to abandon 7 billion dollars worth of it left on Afghanistan's plain. Much of this involves million-dollar MRAPs that are being reduced to scrap metal and sold to Afghan versions of Sanford & Son for pennies on the dollar. This is in perfect keeping with the Obama Administration's policy of keeping "high-powered military-style assault weapons" out of the hands of those violent drug gangs; unless, of course, it's the US Government itself giving high-powered military-style assault weapons to violent Mexican drug cartels. Just think, if not for our current administration, those vicious gangstas might be legally purchasing .30-40 Krags or Model 1903 Springfields from the CMP to use in their drug wars and drive-by shootings.

8. Last but certainly not least, and a prime example of why satirists, humorists and snarky bloggers who have to try to make up outrageous shit on their own are rapidly joining the ranks of the unemployed..."The National Institute of Health has spent more than $5 million on a website called Sexpulse that is targeted at 'men who use the Internet to seek sex with men'....the website 'includes pornographic images of homosexual sex as well as naked and scantily clad men' and features 'a Space Invaders-style interactive game that uses a penis-shaped blaster to shoot down gay epithets.'"

Talk about unfair. I could have eaten the mushrooms off of half the cow pies in Park County Montana and washed them down with a gallon of tequila and still not have been able to come up with something that ludicrous as a high dollar program.

So the next time your elderly tour group gets bludgeoned, maced and handcuffed by Park Ranger SWAT Gestapo working overtime because "we" can't afford to have the National Parks open, I urge you to call the President. Tell him you support his petulant bullying, demand that he raise your own household taxes by at least 50%, and encourage him to spend, spend, spend with no restraint. It's not like the government is just going out and pissing away your hard-earned money. No sirree, Bawb; it's for the future, for the parks, and, of course, for the children. Think about it. If the government doesn't pay for them to have video games where they can shoot giant laser penises at gay epithets, who will? 


Ben said...

I know it's not run by the Nat'l Park Service, but interestingly the golf course on Andrews Air Force Base (where Obama likes to play golf) remained open though the gov't "shutdown." Meanwhile the AAFES stores on base(where service families buy groceries) were closed. "Essential" vs. "nonessential" eh?

Anonymous said...

Couldn't afford to tun the commissaries (grocery stores) on military bases on Mondays. Must of saved trillions on that move.