Thursday, May 14, 2009

Green Berets vs. Spetsnaz

Although Bawb is the resident military historian and gun guru, I thought I'd write about a show I watched dealing with this subject on Spike TV. It was on a series called "Deadliest Warrior," wherein they pit various fighting groups against each other in hypothetical battle. This week was U.S. Special Forces vs. Russian Spetznaz.

They tested each side's weapons and had a couple of ex-Green Berets compete against a couple of Ruskies. I didn't catch the whole show because I tuned in late and had to change the channel when they were testing weapons on pig carcasses, because my wife and kid were in the room.

In the weapons tests, I believe the U.S. M4A1 Carbine tied with the Rusky AKS-74. This will no doubt come as a surprise to Bawb, who frequently calls the M16 series of assault rifles "the finest battle implements ever devised" and compares shooting them with "wielding the fist of God." (Okay, long time readers of this blog know that Bawb really hates M16s, but it's fun to mess with him!)

For sidearms, the Russian Makarov (I think) beat the U.S. M9, mostly because the Red was popping all the targets center-mass while the green beanie just winged a couple of them. The show's "experts" decided that the U.S. baseball grenade "blowed up real good" compared to the Rusky model. The Commie Saiga-12 combat shotgun beat the U.S. Mossberg 500. No surprise the bolt-action U.S. Army M24 easily outclassed the Rusky Dragunov SVD Sniper Rifle.

Each side got one "special weapon" to test. The Commies had a gee-whiz cool ballistic knife that launched its blade out at capitalist pigs. The Green Berets got stuck with a stinking entrenching tool for theirs. The green beanie did a good job hacking a mannequin apart with it, but the commie knife won.

My only experience with e-tools involved digging cat holes in the woods. I didn't know you could use them as a weapon. If only I would have known this the time my C.O. tried banning everyone from drinking booze for two weeks. (Notice I said tried. He-he-he!)

I don't want to get too technical here, but all the information from the tests (called "data") was entered into a special machine (called a "computer") by analysts (called "nerds") who figured out which group would win against each other. According to them, Spetsnaz was the victor.

I believe that could be true in a head-to-head deathmatch, but in any mission requiring any subtlety at all (such as a hostage rescue mission) my money's on the Green Berets. The Russian army is designed to be an 800-pound gorilla. If I had loved ones that needed rescued, they'd be the last ones I'd call.

Nonetheless, Spetsnaz won. As the winners, one of the Spetsnaz troopers got to defecate on the American flag while the other one pimp-slapped your mama. Damned commies!


Anonymous said...

Deadliest Warrior"Green Berets vs. Spetsnaz"

What a crock of Caca. Lest start from the beginning the weapons that Green Berets and the Soviet Spetsnaz use according to Deadliest Warrior as questionable at best. Special note should be taken to the type of Shotgun, Handgun, special weapon and the lack of other weapons that are commonly used by both special forces. Next the shorting of the night pistol course by the 'Green Beret' was terrible. I think I could have done as well with out the night vision gear. Also the Soviet night vision gear is heavy uncomfortable and works about only sightly better than the junk you buy at the discount store. Take all that aside the Spetsnaz operates with all the stealth of a 800 pound gorilla with a hangover, while the Green Berets primary mission is to act as a force multiplier. That means while they are some of the best trained soldiers in the world when fighting buy themselves, give them a week they will have raised a small army to kill not only the Spetsnaz but also their support troops now and for years to come. The official motto of the Green Berets is De Oppresso Liber (Latin for: To Liberate the Oppressed)

Fighting soldiers from the sky
Fearless men who jump and die
Men who mean just what they say
The brave men of the Green Beret

Silver wings upon their chest
These are men, America's best
One hundred men will test today
But only three win the Green Beret

Trained to live off nature's land
Trained in combat, hand-to-hand
Men who fight by night and day
Courage peak from the Green Berets

Silver wings upon their chest
These are men, America's best
One hundred men will test today
But only three win the Green Beret

Back at home a young wife waits
Her Green Beret has met his fate
He has died for those oppressed
Leaving her his last request

Put silver wings on my son's chest
Make him one of America's best
He'll be a man they'll test one day
Have him win the Green Beret.

Ben said...

Yankee doodle!

Anonymous said...

While we are on the subject here, I rate that no Green Beret or Spetsnaz will come close to a S.African "Reccie", they were the best trained Elite unit in the world back in the 80's don't think they are now, they were trained to deploy in all circumstances, at sea, on land, from the air, hostage situations, sabotage, recon, assassinations you name it,why do you think the Commie Bastard Guevara upped and left Angola after being there for only 3 months?!he knew that the S.African Army was aware of his presence there and that they WILL deploy a reccie unit to take "care" of him, little know fact is that the commies were afraid to send spetsnaz to Africa fearing that the reccies will humiliate them.