Thursday, May 22, 2008

HOW GOVERNMENT WORKS

HOW TO DIG A FENCE POST HOLE


ORDINARY CITIZEN’S METHOD

Get shovel. Dig hole.

FEDERAL AGENCY METHOD

Fill out Form SF-2371-2, Request to Do Assessment on Necessity of Project. GPS hole location. Submit hole specs. Review hole specs with Engineering Office. Change hole specs. Do a NEPA (National Environmental Protection Act) study on the possible impact of hole on endangered three-toed mugwort. Wait for 90-day public comment period on hole. Extend comment period 45 days. Complete feasibility study. Do Equal Opportunity, Civil Rights and Sexual Discrimination Study to determine if anyone has been in any way remotely offended by possible hole construction. Contact Regional Office to send Hole Supervisor to review project. Designate Contracting Officer, Contracting Officer’s Representative, and Inspectors to represent Hole Supervisor on the ground. Have OSHA Inspector review project and examine hole site for possible hazards. Develop and write a 15-page Job Hazard Analysis. Make 127 copies of JHA; distribute to everyone even remotely related to project. Complete computer-based training course and qualification process. Make 17 copies of qualification certificate from completing “paperless” computer-based training and file on record with 16 different bureaucrats. Complete Form FS-27-2-3A, Request for Shovel Procurement. Procure Digging Instrument, Shovel, Spade-Type, Wooden Handled, Manually-Operated, M374-2C through government contractor for $754. Hire a seasonal worker to actually dig hole. This process takes approximately 8-10 weeks, at which time a computer glitch loses the only prospective candidate who bothered to apply. Repeat hiring process. Approve overtime, travel & training, and hazard pay for supervisors up to 12 GS levels above seasonal worker. Disapprove seasonal worker’s pay scale; say he or she is only qualified to be a GS-2. Charge seasonal employee $217 per week to live in un-maintained bunkhouse built by CCC in 1935. Friends of Post Holes Environmental Coalition files suit in Federal Court to block project. Immediately fire seasonal worker. Request increased budget for next Fiscal Year to complete project. Repeat process.
Isn't that how you would like your Health Care System managed? As I always say, If more government is the answer, it was a stupid question.

1 comment:

Jerry said...

Sounds about right! You gonna get that hole done this year or next?