Saturday, November 07, 2009


We all now know that the so-called "Birthers" who want to see the mighty most powerful Barack Obama's birth certificate have been relegated to wacko kook tinfoil hat conspiracy theory nutcase status. But that's just a tiny blip on the radar of Barry's unusual life as he followed his hippie mom around the globe as she apparently hopped in the sack with anyone as long as it wasn't some evil American.

So we'll hear nothing more about the whole "Birther" thing in this column. But what about Zero's medical records as a whole? When John McCain delayed releasing his records the New Yawk Times shrieked to their remaining 27 subscribers that "No presidential candidate should get to the point that he has locked up his party’s nomination without public vetting of his health.” When it came to Sarah Palin, the Lamestream Press practically demanded to conduct their own gynecology exams on live television.

But, we ask the intrepid journalists of the ever vigilant watchdog press, what about Barack’s sealed medical records? (Sound of crickets chirping).

Veteran Whitehouse Reporter Kenneth Walsh said Barry was the smartest (most cerebral) president he has ever met. But no one in the press have shown even the slightest bit of curiosity about the education that made him the Smartest Man in the World. (Sarah, of course, had every grade, class, date, and sports foul of her college career subjected to an anal exam).

In grade school in Indonesia, Barack's school registration card shows the future super-genius listed as a "Muslim" with "Indonesian" citizenship. Be that as it may, back in the USSA,
Obama’s performance at Occidental College was brilliant enough to land him into Columbia. But of course, those records are sealed too although, if you go to the college web site, you can request transcripts of his poetry. I kid you not. I can’t help but get this image of Eddie Murphy in fake dreadlocks singing, “Kill de white people, c-i-l-l, kill.” on Saturday Night Live. Some speculate these records are sealed because Zero the Hero applied using Indonesian citizenship to get a sweet free-ride tuition deal. We'll never know either way.

At Columbia University, Zero went on to achieve…well, nobody knows. Those records are sealed too. But rest assured, peasants, that his academic achievements were so brilliant as to lead him on to prestigious Harvard Law School and to later become a lecturer at the University of Chicago. When he returned “home” to Chi-town, he put all that high fallutin’ education to work as a community organizer, a career that turned out to be surprisingly lucrative.

Education roundup:
Fransiskus Assisi School School application -- Released (by independent investigators)
Punahou School records -- Not released
Occidental College records -- Not released
Columbia College records -- Not released
Columbia thesis -- Not released
Harvard College records -- Not released
Harvard Law Review articles -- None
University of Chicago scholarly articles – None

The press demanded to see Sarah Palin’s Passport and threw a hissy bitch fit about when it was issued and that it had so few stamps in it. Barry traveled to Indonesia and Pakistan when he was 20. What did his passport say, to include that little box that says “Citizenship”? Nobody in the completely unbiased non-partisan press even asked.

That can of worms:
Passport -- Not released and records scrubbed clean by Rahm Emanuel & Company.

We got to hear virtual hour-long soap operas that Sarah Palin’s son Trig was actually her own daughter’s love child and that she used some state clout on an abusive former in-law state trooper. How about Barry’s family and friends? First, the press whole-heartedly agreed that the Obama children were strictly and totally OFF-LIMITS. Without the foreign press and the Internet we never even would have heard of Obama’s relationships with the likes of domestic terrorist Bill Ayers and Wacky Pastor Jeremiah Wright, or that he even had a half brother living in squalor in Kenya or an illegal alien aunt, also living in squalor but on the government dole, here in the States.

Family matters:
Obama/Dunham marriage license -- Not released
Obama/Dunham divorce -- Released (by independent investigators)
Soetoro/Dunham marriage license -- Not released
Soetoro adoption records -- Not released
Soetoro/Dunham divorce -- Released (by independent investigators)

There are a few other loose ends floating around as well. After over a year of FOIA requests, Barry’s selective service registration was finally released, but its authenticity is very, very shaky. In addition that that, we have these other sideline issues.

Odds & Ends:
Baptism certificate -- None
Illinois State Senate records -- None
Illinois State Senate schedule -- Lost
Law practice client list -- Not released

With the current jihad against the evils of smoking and second-hand smoke, how many folks even know, via the relentless integrity of the press, that the SOB smokes cigarettes?

You’d think that someone so holy, with nothing to hide, Mr. Transparency himself, would just get it over with in one fell swoop, release his records, and make all his critics and court cases immediately just shut up and go away.

Well, that’s what you get for thinking around politicians. Instead, Mr. Transparency’s first official act as President of these United States was to sign Executive Order 13489 which seals all his own records.

Nothing to see here, citizen, nothing to see. Move along, you tinfoil hat nutcase wacko kooks. Do not question the Great & Powerful O.

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