STATES IN DECLINE...A MYSTERY

Having suffered a severe blow to the head, I actually watched a little bit of the Mainstream Media recently, and I actually picked up a few things before I got too sick to my stomach to continue. For instance, CNN Money had a story about which states are losing the most people (and businesses) and losing them fast.

ANNOUNCER: The Top 5 states appear to be California, New York, Michigan, Illinois, and Ohio. Our esteemed CNN financial experts joined with the Obama Administration’s Trained Money Chimp Timothy Geithner and Fed Chairman Ben “Print More” Bernanke to travel to these troubled locales in an attempt to unravel the mysterious circumstances behind their decline.

First, to sunny Los Angeles, Kalifornia.

Q: What do you think are the socio-economic factors behind California’s recent population decline?

A: “Baboso! The f’k outta here, Hijo de puta ! F’in’ gringo! This is Azaltan! Viete a la mierda!”




Moving on to New York City.
Q: What do you think are the socio-economic factors behind New York’s recent population decline?
A: Whadda? Youse talkin’ to me? I’m da only one here. Decline? Gedd outta here. Look at dis beoootiful city. New Yawk’s still da center of da universe…don’t youse watch sit coms? Hunh? Mebbe we tax da rich more? Whadda youse say?


Detriot, MI
Q What do you think are the socio-economic factors behind Michigan’s recent population decline?
A: Lululululu! Allah Akbar! Die infidel!

Chicago, Ill
Q: What do you think are the socio-economic factors behind Illinois' recent population decline?
A: What the hell do I care; nobody runnin' Chicago cares about Illinois! I wanna know what the hell I was thinkin’?!?!? Why didn’t I just get into politics?!?!? It’s so much easier, pays better, and you get to make the laws so you don’t ever hafta do time. With my skills, I coulda been president!


Sarejavo, OH
Q: What do you think are the socio-economic reasons behind Ohio's recent population decline?
A: Can’t be jobs. We have tens of thousands of unfilled jobs for Democrat voter and registrars of fake Democrat voters. The factory jobs may be gone, but we still have all this fine industrial infrastructure intact. We’ve offered employers good deals to build and move here…they don’t have to pay any taxes for the first 30 seconds. Still no luck. Greedy scum. It’s that damned Bush’s fault, anyway. Stinkin' election thief!

ANNOUNCER: So, it remains a mystery why these proud, beautiful states continue to decline. Perhaps we'll never know.
ME CALLING IN: Could be because they're the most liberal states with the highest taxes and the most spending on social programs. Between sky-high taxes, unrealistic extremist environmental regulations, and sheer political correctness, it does not pay for an employer or a producer to come anywhere near those places. Ships fleeing the sinking rat, if you will.
ANNOUNCER: Wait! Breaking news! It appears that the Stimulus Bill has created a new job at the Wichita Zoo. We now take you live to Bimbette Reporter Suzy Snotty in Kansas.