Thursday, March 12, 2009


We’ll start out rather benignly, as things go. Teddy “Splash” Kennedy is going to be knighted by the Queen of England. I admit it’s irrelevant to this issue, but most folks have never heard the story of Daddy Kennedy. He had strong pro-Nazi leanings, was waiting for England’s doom during the early stages of WWII, and was suggesting that we learn to play nice with Adolph since he was obviously going to be the new top dog in Europe.

Back to Ted the Swimmer. People have long called the Kennedies America’s Royal Family. Now they’re making it official. British Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced before Congress during his recent visit that Teddy will be given an honorary knighthood (and a 55-gallon drum of Beefeater’s gin) by the Queen Mum herself.

One minor problem. Article 1 of the United States Constitution, which Flipper himself has sworn to support and defend, states: "No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States: and no person holding any office of profit or trust under them, shall, without the consent of the Congress, accept of any present, emolument, office, or title, of any kind whatever, from any king, prince, or foreign state."

Of course, Congress will "consent" to this, so it won't technically be a violation. Then again, they might just ignore the consent part altogether. In case you haven't noticed, they're not real sticklers for obeying the law of the land these days. At best, it's merely a nuisance and speed bump.

Speaking of just ignoring the Constitution outright, a North Carolina judge, Herr Ned Magnum, in the crossfire of a divorce dispute, has ordered a woman be forced to send her home-schooled children to public schools. Magnumb said he made the determination based on his “guiding principle” and “for the children.” We can’t have judges making decisions in court using the "Constitution" or that pesky old "Rule of Law", now can we?

Magnumb said his decision was, "What's in the best interest of the minor children," and conceded he was putting his judgment in place of the mother's.

Mangumb also stated his decision was "not ideologically or religiously motivated" but that ordering the children into publik skools would "challenge the ideas you've taught them." The judge added that publik skool would "prepare these kids for the real world and college" and allow them "socialization." (Or was it socialism?)

The judge finished, “These kids are missing out on so much not being indoctrinated by the State…Obama Youth meetings, the Young Communists, gay rights and abortion rallies, sex education, being exposed to atheism, drug use, and violence in the public name it. The mother vill obey the State or go to das re-education camp!”

OK, I made that last one up, but it's coming someday. Just give ‘em time.

In one final news item, the Department of Homeland (Motherland and Fatherland were already taken) Security triumphantly announced that their terrorist watch list has just passed the million mark. That’s right, one million of us are now suspected terrorists. A spokesperson for the agency said, “By 2012, we hope to have everyone who has been critical of the Obama Regime, every gun owner in America, and anyone who publicly mentions the U.S. Constitution placed on the list as well."

So, until next time, happy serfdom.


Ben said...

Sir Edward, Knight of the Round Ass?

Ben said...

He can put the certificate on his mantle, next to his Order of Lenin award.

Ben said...

"Sir Osis of Liver" perhaps?

Ben said...

You should see the size of his jousting steed!

Ben said...

Sir Jigglesalot?

Ben said...

They just finished his suit of armor. Unfortunately, the Royal Navy is now down two destroyers, which had to be smelted.

Ben said...

When he sits around the castle- oh never mind.